From the Avengers Case Files of Phil Coulson: Grocery shopping is necessary, Tony's a little too proud of his tech, Captain America's lost on the streets of New York, and sometimes social injustice just happens. Phil Coulson's the one who's got to write this nonsense up, and he is not their PR Manager.

Notes: The Helicarrier! You want hysterical and perfect characterization, look no further. This fic was just begging to be read. It has such amazing dialogue, and it genuinely made me laugh out loud while I was reading it, and it also happens to be by one of my favorite folks on tumblr (seriously if you are not following lucy re-evaluate your life).

The glass case that holds Captain America's uniform and shield is filled to the brim with what looks like a bright orange gelatin.

Tony Stark says very important things all the time but no one ever takes him seriously, not even when they really should. So when Tony says he's going to buy an island, sure, no one listens to him because apparently they think that kind of "hyperbole" doesn't need a response. The thing is though, Tony Stark actually can buy an island so he does and now the Avengers have an island that they can use as needed. Do they ever thank him for it? No. They don't even treat it as a learning experience for the next time he says something a little off beat but definitely right. So when Tony Stark says, "You know what Loki really needs is a Xanax," everyone except Steve ignores him. "Tony!" Steve says. If he had pearls, he'd be clutching them. "He is actually trying to destroy the world." "That's what I'm saying," Tony says as he loads a vial filled with green liquid into one of his wrist-guard missiles. "Does that sound like the action of a calm, rational, non-neurotic person to you?"

The problem with teaching someone with a deeply vindictive personality Occlumency was the inevitable problem of his using it to evil ends. Or, Remus Lupin, Sultan's Pleasure Slave.

The Marauders, from the Summer of 1975 to the Spring of 1978.

It's all Sam's fault, really. It had just been research. Then it got way out of hand. Or, in which, fanfiction takes over their lives for better and for worse.

"The princesses discuss their sex lives over tea and scones."

"His life's a fucking space opera. And not even the erotic type that airs on New HBO. No, it's the animated comic type where the captain goes splat against the wall every episode and the pointy-eared bastard quirks his pointy eyebrow and steps on the captain's flattened remains."

"A series of awkward situations in which her friends discover Kel has been...intimate with someone. Being as nosy as they are, they then proceed to embarrass her on their quest to discover who has "conquered" the unconquerable lady knight."

"It's the job of the captain to pick the crew, and the duty of the first mate to test them for worthiness. How Zoro came to accept each of the straw hats as nakama."

Spock was able, at any given moment, to understand at least 50% of whatever it was Montgomery Scott was doing at any given moment.

"On the bright side," Dick says as he shimmies down the building, "You didn't raise a group of homicidal, raging, vengeful killers and sociopaths so much as you raised a group of emotionally-volatile, obsessive, spiteful vigilantes and paper pushers."

"This is a manly bonding experience. Living off the land, hunting, fishing. Very manly." For the Canadian Shack challenge.

In which the technology of fake babies used to teach teenagers not to have sex has progressed to a point that they instinctively cry when Stiles touches them.

What if the Uchiha clan weren't know for their skills in battle? Their eyes would make them the best at jutsu creation, so what if they where know as a clan of nerds? They gain a reputation for being geniuses able to make a dozen A-rank jutsus on the spot, but they are more likely to trip and fall flat on their face then actually be able to attack you with the jutsu they just made up. They still pull a 'coup' that consists of them dumping the police on the rest of the ninja and taking over R&D.

After sharing knowledge with the world, they can now share jokes too. This takes the form of both getting social media accounts, including YouTube.

Podfic of Night is Young and the Music's High by opalish "Best press conference ever," the Japanese Nationals silver medalist says when asked. “Ten out of ten, would medal again.” "I would die for Katsuki-kun," Minami declares, with terrifying sincerity.

' "What," Hinata says, "like you're suddenly going to become a kabedon master?" The idea itself is hilarious. Kageyama has all the timing and subtlety of a tyrannosaurus in a china shop. Hinata sees no reason to be wary. "We'll see," Kageyama says darkly. "We'll see." ' -- When Hinata introduces Kageyama to the concept of kabedon, he isn't expecting to create a monster. But all origin stories have humble (sometimes very humble) beginnings...

"Congratulations on making it through one year of high school." Cassie says, holding out a cake, "We're proud of you."

Gajeel is not good with words - but he is good with flowers.

Thanks, Gotham side of Tumblr.

When Azula invents a board game, everyone suffers.

Parker, Hardison, and Eliot are youtubers. And also criminals, incidentally.

Guy woos Kakashi. Kakashi is not exactly appreciative of his efforts. Neither is most anyone else in the village, except those who are laughing. They are sadly numerous.