The problem with teaching someone with a deeply vindictive personality Occlumency was the inevitable problem of his using it to evil ends. Or, Remus Lupin, Sultan's Pleasure Slave.

The whole thing started when Yertel asked McKay, “If you have had trouble bearing fruit, there are many men in this camp who will be happy to help,” and Rodney said, “What? Oh, no, our fruit supplies are fine—actually, I’m allergic to citrus anyway so I’m bigger on you know, cake,” which turned out to be some sort of near-tacit admission of infertility on P6X-990.

Rodney steps up. (Warning, I should probably be shot for this.)

In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose.

In which Clark is a not-so-mild-mannered reporter, Lex is a biological fugitive, and someone is mold.

OKAY OBVIOUSLY I COULD NOT RESIST THIS:

In his rational mind, Rodney knew that following a girl who'd dumped you was really, really pathetic.

"For fuck's sake, Gibbs — is this some kind of exchange program that I don't know about?"