After three years out of contact, John and Karkat can finally talk again. The conversation doesn't go quite the way they were expecting. Now the three weeks it will take the golden ship to match velocities with the asteroid seem like three million. Why are the laws of physics so unkind to desperate teenaged boys? [an antidote to sadstuck! if this is not the fluffiest, most sentimental xenoporn ever written, i will eat my writekind specibus.]

"The first watch keeps the correct time. Always. Terezi tried starting out of sync the third time they played this game, but without that one thread of the right beat to cling to, the grating wrongness of the other watches knocked Dave out of the mood long before he could hit trance state." Terezi/Dave, idiosycratic forms of bondage.

John is one of eight mech pilots heroically protecting Earth from an alien invasion. Pretty easy on the moral choices. See evil monster from space, kill evil monster from space. Only then he actually meets one of them face to face.

In which a mutant too famous to cull is dropped like a grenade into the midst of the peace process, a foolish monarch proves himself secretly shrewd, the power of friendship functions as a force multiplier, and it is discovered that in the Great Game of espionage, the dealer does not always win.

Dave realizes he has a most unfortunate crush on his best friend. This is obviously a great foundation for a black relationship with Karkat. Competitive flirting is a thing that exists, the kids try out various bits of troll culture, Dave makes consistently excellent decisions and generally has his priorities in order (no he doesn't), and there's a whole lot of talking.

In which Dave realizes that the situation is stupid in the most ironically enjoyable way.

There are some things you have to do as a friendleader, and some you have to do as a friend. Sometimes, it's the same thing.

The Game is over. You've won. But it was a long, hard, painful victory, and the rewards have a catch, and you're all a little broken. But you'll stick together anyway because that's just what you do. You help each other cope and somehow in the end you'll make it through. ((Humanstuck AU: Mainly Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas. Dave second-person POV. Post-Sburb.))

"They just watch," John says, kicking the mop bucket into the broom closet after a hard day's asteroid-cleaning. "I guess chores are like a spectator sport for trolls? It's pretty weird! But... that's trolls for you!"

Title: Learning Each Other (Got a lot to learn) Summary: "Karkat," you say, because it feels amazing but you can't help yourself, "is that an octopus in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "That is the stupidest pickup line in either of our universes," Karkat says, his face gray-red and his pupils huge, "and I dare you to find out." Title: Tomb Raiders Summary: Faint heart never won fair lady, you think. Or fair gentleman either. "If you're going to kiss me," you say, "now would be an excellent time." Title: Dirk: Take Charge Summary: You're going to leave the toybox in the closet tonight, because you are fairly certain that you can ruin him six ways to Sunday without even a pair of fuzzy handcuffs to back you up, and you really don't want to give the poor guy an aneurysm or something. Humanstuck, aged-up characters, dom/sub, ssc, being STRONG is sexy, porn battle, Title: Strength of Character Summary: Polite, a natural leader, and unusually strong. John is certainly a human worth paying further attention to.

“Okay,” he says, “Do it again.” “—————,” replies Karkat.

The whole thing starts with Stiles' naked body, which is, apparently, "perfect."

"Yo. S'obvious our previous tricks aren't gonna work the same anymore, so let's open the floor to suggestions."

Sam thumps his forehead with his fist. "Should've bought the Fiesta. It had racing stripes."

In which 'Adaar' is totally not a desire demon from the Fade, because Haven is a camp filled with Templars. Also morals and mortals are both confusing, and he would really just like to go home now please.

There were a lot of things Bernard knew. He knew how to disinfect a wound, he knew the proper stance to take when punching someone, he even knew who both of his boyfriends were without them having actually told him yet. What he didn't know was how to break the news to his alien boyfriend that their vigilante boyfriend might've knocked him up. Rated mature for descriptions of reproductive biology, discussions of unprotected sex, implied sexual content and mention of nudity.