Tony has a point system for the times he can get Steve to be less than perfect.

The Game is over. You've won. But it was a long, hard, painful victory, and the rewards have a catch, and you're all a little broken. But you'll stick together anyway because that's just what you do. You help each other cope and somehow in the end you'll make it through. ((Humanstuck AU: Mainly Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas. Dave second-person POV. Post-Sburb.))

Stiles learns that even with werewolves, giant lizards and psychopathic hunters on the loose, life can still find other ways to screw with you. Case in point: everyone keeps assuming he and Derek are a couple. What the hell?

kalpurna: is it weird that I want an original character to call Stiles a cock tease and Stiles is like WHAT and Derek is like what. drunktuesdays: lol that's so specific! why? kalpurna: BECAUSE YOU MADE A TUMBLR POST THAT USED THAT PHRASE AND EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TEEN WOLF + PEOPLE SHOULD TRY TO GET ON STILES'S DICK AND DEREK SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT???? MAYBE I JUST LIKE TO THINK ABOUT STILES TEASING COCKS???????????????? For Kalpurna, from whom I stole all the best lines.

Derek and Stiles go hunting. Kind of.

Trades suck. One way to avoid them? Marrying your best friend.

Ryan supposes that’s fair, if he was dating someone, he wouldn’t have put so much thought into choreographing a threesome either.

Kaner tries to fuck his way out of love. That goes as well as you might imagine. That's my summary. But liketheroad's summary is also applicable: In which THERE IS A BACHELOR AUCTION TO SAVE ALL THE PUPPIES OF CHICAGO AND TAZER IS THE ONE WHO HAS TO SAVE THOSE PUPPIES AND KANER TRIES TO FUCK HIS WAY OUT OF LOVE BUT OH TOO BAD FOR YOU KANER, YOU HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS FOR THAT.

sometimes you have to go down before you can go out.

Patrick knows the Blackhawks have been not-so-subtly shopping around for someone who could bond with number-three-draft-pick Jonathan Toews, but it’s still a little weird for him to be sitting down with a couple of their suits in a conference room he didn’t even know existed.

What it says on the tin. Canon-AU for Season 3 (obvs the finale hasn't aired yet so no real confirmation that it's canon-compliant)

All Derek wanted was for the woman to leave him alone and ring up his groceries. How that led to her thinking Stiles is his boyfriend is something he blames on Stiles and his inability to stay out of trouble for five minutes.

When Clint Barton put on the Captain America costume for a mission, he didn't count on Phil Coulson's reaction. Coulson didn't count on Clint crashing his new team to do something about it.

five times Patrick Kane unsuccessfully flirted with other Olympic athletes, and one time he didn't get shot down. with Kane being cheesy and persistent but not creepy or coercive? het and/or slash bonus points for Kaner trying to flirt with both Lamoureux sisters (either separately or together) and crashing and burning miserably :P

Kaner kicks off his twenty-eighth birthday party with an exponential crisis. Jonny frowns at him. “You’re having a crisis of ever-more-rapidly-increasing numbers?”

Zoro and Sanji are fighting. And that’s not really a surprise, exactly, because Zoro and Sanji are always fighting. But it’s different, this time. This time, it’s not physical, and Sanji isn’t up in Zoro’s face yelling and screaming and calling him names. There’s no swiping of polished katanas against the lithe swing of powerful legs. It’s not physical combat. This time, Sanji’s fighting with silent avoidance and quiet resignation. This time, their entire nakamaship may be on the line. And this time, Zoro doesn’t know how to fight back. OR There’s something wrong with Sanji, but Zoro doesn’t know what it is or why it’s happened – why they’ve suddenly stopped brawling and hating each other left, right and centre. All he knows is that he has to fix it, or this Sanji – the Sanji that’s sunken and tired and so, so sad - may never go away.

Everyone is born with the ability to only see the colour of their soulmate's eyes. Only upon touching their soulmate, can people see the rest of the world's colours. Edward Elric will do whatever it takes to get his brother's body back and ensure he can have his happily ever after with his soulmate, even if it means never finding his own soulmate.

"I'm in love with you," Ryan says, desperate. "No, you're in love with the views."

AU where Buzzfeed still won’t give us the Unsolved merch we deserve, but this they at least do provide.

A fic based lightly on a reddit post— "I (21f) have a crush on my roommate (20f). I can't figure out if she actually likes me back or not or is just being friendly. She cooks for me and knows all my favorite foods, and brings me lunch. She buys me anything I want, and her family all joke about our wedding. I once fell asleep on her lap and when I woke up she was stroking my hair and I almost had a stroke. I can't figure out if she's flirting with me or not. Help!"

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying go undercover at a fetish party.

Connor McDavid and Dylan Strome are going to the Toronto Maple Leafs together. Even if they have to get married about it.

Jack Eichel has 99 problems and Connor McDavid is... well. More of them than he thinks. In which Jack hates Connor McDavid, who he's never met, quietly pines after the cute girl he always sees in the gym, and has no idea that these two things are related.

Either way, there was someone or something to blame for the fact that Jack ended up sending Connor Fucking McDavid a dick pic. Perhaps it was the universe as a whole.

“You kissed me the night before we got drafted,” Connor says, unbuckling Jack’s belt and making light work of yanking Jack’s jeans down to his knees. With Jack’s thighs and his penchant for tight fitting pants, it’s an impressive move. “Blew me in the men’s restroom right after dinner.” “Fuck you I did not,” Jack grunts as he lifts up his hips to help Connor strip off his boxers.

Hawks takes baby steps backwards, getting closer and closer to the door, as everyone continues to get loud and look at eachother for answers. Well, almost everybody; Dabi is watching him limp away with an unimpressed expression. “Those are torture wounds,” Shigaraki points out, crossing his arms and leveling Hawks with a dead-eyed stare. “How do you even know what torture wounds look like?” Hawks throws back as he continues to plan his escape. Shigaraki looks at him with raised eyebrows until Hawks looks away again, feeling like an idiot. These people are villains, he knows that (but its so easy to forget-). “Right, fuck.” Hawks flicks him a two fingered salute before turning tail like the coward he feels like and making for the door. He doesn't get more than four feet before Dabi grabs him by one of his wings and yanks him back.

“I would almost say you look attractive like this if it wouldn’t be unfathomably disgusting and also a betrayal of everything I stand for as a human being,” Perona had told Zoro one night as she showed him a variety of tricks for untangling stubborn, sweaty hair. Zoro kinda wishes he would have listened to her, for just a single fucking moment. Maybe if he had, he would have been able to prepare himself for the level of weirdness that’s happening right now. (In which Zoro has long hair and certain people develop feelings about it.)

Sebastian and Sam confide in Abigail. She wishes they hadn't.

Tim’s trying to run away from his feelings. Unfortunately, he gets abducted to Russia and is rescued by the very people he’s been avoiding.

Danny’s looking at him like he’s crazy. His hair’s dried up into a mess of waves, and there’s some tomato seeds on the corner of his mouth. “You just bailed me out of jail. And you think this is a good idea?” “I don’t have bad ideas, Fenton. And like you’ve just said, I have collateral on you.” “So you’re blackmailing me into pretending to date you?” Tim shrugs. “Or you could just sign the NDA.” OR Danny's trying to recover all the shards to an entity's chalice so that it'll stop destroying the zone while tensions rise amongst his subjects- and trying to finish high school. Tim's juggling his case load, his work as CEO, and does not have time to be embroiled in a sex scandal right now. If that means he has to pretend to date a very suspicious heir to a rival company, then so be it. It's a mutually beneficial relationship. So what if Tim's becoming a little too intrigued by the illusive, powerful Phantom? So what if Danny can't stand the Justice League for leaving him to deal with all of Amity's problems when he was just 14? That's a superhero thing. And their fake boyfriend has no clue that they're a superhero.