You are watching Dave Strider make out with himself, and now you understand why people stand on the beach and take pictures of an oncoming tsunami instead of running for high ground. You physically cannot look away from this, let alone leave.

John discovers a new and MUCH more entertaining way to fill his prankster's gambit.

Everything is more fun when there's something at stake, right? Swinging ought to be the same.

Those fucking humans. You remember. They won. They won everything. They even won you. Won all of you back from your dead-end fucking universe and took you with them into their reality-spraining victory. Cheating nookstains didn’t even fight; they won by ‘shenanigans’, that peculiarly human trick of winning-by-not-playing. And in that inside-out, backwards way of theirs, they never even considered keeping all the spoils for themselves.

In which John has a lingerie fetish. Written for the kink meme.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you’ve just turned 21. It was pretty much the Best Birthday Ever, except for that awkward 10 minutes in the middle, but you got through that and everyone passed out in a properly drunken stupor. Inspired by The Finer Details of Gay Cluckbeast by clumsyoctopus. You wake up to someone kissing you.

Your name is Dave Strider and you are 26 years old. You have just gotten engaged. The problem being that you have just gotten engaged to your best male friend in a furious fit of stupidity, champagne, one-upmanship and a weird warm-glowy feeling that occasionally (or more than occasionally) rolls around in the pit of your stomach and makes you act like a moron. You have, over the past 13 years and much careful experimentation, dubbed this “The Egbert Effect”. You would like to state, for the record, that you are definitely, completely and 100% NOT A HOMOSEXUAL. As Bro carefully describes to you what, as the DJ, he’s going to play at the reception (almost entirely a medley of Nicki Minaj and Ke$ha), you carefully nurse a Rock Star and vodka like a 16 year old girl who just popped her cherry at prom and try to figure out what the fuck happened over the past decade or so to land you in this mess.

Dave discovers his asexuality. John discovers internet porn. Rose is awesome. Jade is adorable. Everyone learns a little bit more about each other and themselves. Oh, and eventually, Dave and John get together. Yes.

"and you never guessed/the one you loved best/to draw always drew/pictures of you/undressed." A fairly plotless accumulation of pornographic pennings, courtesy of one Dave Strider.

[sequel to 'Marvelous Things', from dave's POV.] "Camping?" you echo skeptically. Spending a week without internet access isn't something you're eager to volunteer for. And you're not exactly the outdoor type. Sunshine is not your friend. Why he would think you'd want to spend your spring break in the middle of nowhere, out in the open, sleeping in a tent... ... in a tent with John Egbert, in the middle of nowhere, just the two of you... sharing a sleeping bag for warmth... no one to hear his doofy giggling... or any other noises he might happen to make... A slow smile spreads over your face. "Whatever you want, baby."

"Everything about Dave is wonderful, especially when it's not." Three years after the game ended, the kids and their guardians live together as a big, goofy family, and John is so happy he could explode. The thing that makes him happiest is Dave. They are the best snugglebros and everything is perfect. Except that people are giving John looks like he's missing something important here, and he's not sure he wants to figure it out...

Dave and John are college students with no money and one job between them. Unable to pay their bills or cover food costs, dire steps must be taken in order to rectify this. these new steps are a catalyst for a drastic shift in their relationship. this is homosexual. the author does not know how the porn industry works. shhhhhhh...

or : In Which Dave Strider Is An Asexual Transsexual Off To Room With His Best Internet Friend John Egbert, Who Is Initially Unaware Of Dave’s Trans Status, While They Both Attend Western Washington University. Co-Starring Rose Lalonde As Dave’s Nosy And Also Identical And Cisexual Lesbian Twin Sister, And Karkat Vantas And Sollux Captor As Particularly Irritating Suite Mates. Featuring All The Trolls As Humans, Jade And Jake As John’s Gun Wielding Genius Cousins, And Dirk “Bro” Strider As The Hardest Character To Write. Also Includes Stupid Pranks, Second Hand Details, A Handful Of Sexuality Crisises, A Number Of Awkward Crushes Of Varying Levels Of Platonic, Flirting With Varying Levels Of Success, Instances Of Sloppy Makeouts, One Polyamorous Relationship, A Handful Of Lesbians, More Bullshit Than True Facts, And A Summary That Is Apparently Too Long.

In which John has his first real homocrush and does stupid shit in effort to alleviate it. (extra:topodfic applies to the first 2 fics in the series)

The Golden Ending for SBurb has been realized and thanks to some careful time jimmying, everyone's ended up in the same timeline and the same present. Including the Trolls. Which can be a little, uh, complicated. Started out as wondering about a family of Striders that included Davesprite and Lil Hal and Alpha Dave, ended up expanding into a massive and strange thing of beauty. Includes an homage to Asukerian's one armed Davesprite with her gracious permission. These are written in whatever order we want but we promise to make sure they're put in mostly chronological order here on the series hub. (mostly because Time Shenanigans) CANON COMPLIANT UP TO THE GIGAPAUSE.