Crackling quiet on the line for a second. "Are you serious?" Jake asks at last. "You've programmed that machine of yours to...?" He trails off but the question mark is audible.

Title: Learning Each Other (Got a lot to learn) Summary: "Karkat," you say, because it feels amazing but you can't help yourself, "is that an octopus in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "That is the stupidest pickup line in either of our universes," Karkat says, his face gray-red and his pupils huge, "and I dare you to find out." Title: Tomb Raiders Summary: Faint heart never won fair lady, you think. Or fair gentleman either. "If you're going to kiss me," you say, "now would be an excellent time." Title: Dirk: Take Charge Summary: You're going to leave the toybox in the closet tonight, because you are fairly certain that you can ruin him six ways to Sunday without even a pair of fuzzy handcuffs to back you up, and you really don't want to give the poor guy an aneurysm or something. Humanstuck, aged-up characters, dom/sub, ssc, being STRONG is sexy, porn battle, Title: Strength of Character Summary: Polite, a natural leader, and unusually strong. John is certainly a human worth paying further attention to.

or : In Which Dave Strider Is An Asexual Transsexual Off To Room With His Best Internet Friend John Egbert, Who Is Initially Unaware Of Dave’s Trans Status, While They Both Attend Western Washington University. Co-Starring Rose Lalonde As Dave’s Nosy And Also Identical And Cisexual Lesbian Twin Sister, And Karkat Vantas And Sollux Captor As Particularly Irritating Suite Mates. Featuring All The Trolls As Humans, Jade And Jake As John’s Gun Wielding Genius Cousins, And Dirk “Bro” Strider As The Hardest Character To Write. Also Includes Stupid Pranks, Second Hand Details, A Handful Of Sexuality Crisises, A Number Of Awkward Crushes Of Varying Levels Of Platonic, Flirting With Varying Levels Of Success, Instances Of Sloppy Makeouts, One Polyamorous Relationship, A Handful Of Lesbians, More Bullshit Than True Facts, And A Summary That Is Apparently Too Long.

SXIZ IS TALKING TO ME ABOUT WHAT IF DIRK/JAKE D/S WHERE JAKE TIES DIRK UP AND JUST TELLS HIM HOW MUCH HE LOVES HIM BECAUSE IT MAKES DIRK FLUSTERED AND THAT’S HOW HE DOMS HIM HE MAKES DIRK FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH FEELINGS I’M GOING TO FUCKING PASS OUT

In which Dirk has hell of computer issues/plays matchmaker, Calliope is revealed to be a big ol' pervert, and it's implied that the future of entertainment is a heavily edited version of an incredibly shitty fanfiction featuring hot unicorn on wizard action/violence. Also there's animes.