"Where are you going?" the other you asks, and his voice is husky and friendly and not even a little bit like yours. You have never sounded like that one day of your life and you're never going to and you don't give a fuck. No, honestly, you don't. "I'm missing some of my humans," you inform him, gruff and uncaring and your shoulders squared like the badass leader that you are and why does he have to be a head taller than you? "And I have deduced with my masterful, scintillating intelligence that in order to get out they have quite possibly used the only way out that exists short of walking through walls. That--" you point, "--tunnel, just in the wholly unsurprising case you needed that clarified."

John is one of eight mech pilots heroically protecting Earth from an alien invasion. Pretty easy on the moral choices. See evil monster from space, kill evil monster from space. Only then he actually meets one of them face to face.

In which all sixteen kids live reasonably happily ever after in the Veil. Alternately: that one AU where trolls have sex by barfing blood into buckets.

Twelve kids. Four trolls. Twelve guardians, four ancestors, one doloros, four lusii, seventeen lands, one megaplanet, one session, one two three one team. One more chance to win.

Little gray aliens aren't people, no matter how well they fake it. They can be domesticated, though. Might as well keep them around, right?

Dave discovers his asexuality. John discovers internet porn. Rose is awesome. Jade is adorable. Everyone learns a little bit more about each other and themselves. Oh, and eventually, Dave and John get together. Yes.

When you open yourself up completely to someone else, you also make yourself completely vulnerable.

In which Dave realizes that the situation is stupid in the most ironically enjoyable way.

In another universe, the Imperial Fleet came to Earth without warning, in the early years of the Cold War. Just as suddenly, nuclear warfare served as the ultimate warning to stay away, and the Earth was safe. The crashed ships full of abandoned officers and slaves, not so much. Fast forward to present day, and the Earthbound troll population has been forced to survive in a human-dominated society that doesn't take kindly to their decades-long presence. Between having to resort to archaic and undignified methods of reproduction, legally-mandated drugs to suppress their more trollish attributes, and clashes between Alternian and Earth-hatched generations, survival looks to be a difficult task, indeed.

Episodes From the Lives of Twelve Trolls From Various Castes From Low to the Very Highest (and One Pariah Who Fell Out the Bottom of the Spectrum) Who Band Together to Challenge the Rule of Her Imperial Condescension. Featuring Romances in All Four Quadrants, Heretical Philosophies, a Dangerous Amount of Revolutionary Fervor, Regicide, Ancestor Worship and More to be Added Later.

Sollux Captor, recently drafted into the Service of Her Imperious Condescension, discovers a secret community of Helmsmen hidden inside the Imperial communications network. Meanwhile on Alternia, Karkat Vantas is up to his goddamn nook in revolution.

Unexplained, unapologetic species-swap PWPs. First two are mainly porn, last two will be mainly feelings.

It's a whirlwind pale romance, unbelievable even by Troll Hollywood standards.

You haven't ever felt bad to pail a brother or sister before, but for some reason you look down on his strange, angry, nubby-horned little face and it hurts inside you, hurts like a motherfucker. In a universe where the hemospectrum is long-abolished but never forgotten and the descendants of ancient rebels are looked to as the leaders, a tired purple-blood drowning in his drugs find a lonely mutant on the run from his bloodline, in the wrong place, for all the wrong reasons. Series

In which John has his first real homocrush and does stupid shit in effort to alleviate it. (extra:topodfic applies to the first 2 fics in the series)

or : In Which Dave Strider Is An Asexual Transsexual Off To Room With His Best Internet Friend John Egbert, Who Is Initially Unaware Of Dave’s Trans Status, While They Both Attend Western Washington University. Co-Starring Rose Lalonde As Dave’s Nosy And Also Identical And Cisexual Lesbian Twin Sister, And Karkat Vantas And Sollux Captor As Particularly Irritating Suite Mates. Featuring All The Trolls As Humans, Jade And Jake As John’s Gun Wielding Genius Cousins, And Dirk “Bro” Strider As The Hardest Character To Write. Also Includes Stupid Pranks, Second Hand Details, A Handful Of Sexuality Crisises, A Number Of Awkward Crushes Of Varying Levels Of Platonic, Flirting With Varying Levels Of Success, Instances Of Sloppy Makeouts, One Polyamorous Relationship, A Handful Of Lesbians, More Bullshit Than True Facts, And A Summary That Is Apparently Too Long.

Dirrck gets sent a link to "Part Eight of Proper Helmsman Maintenance: Genetic Material Collection", an instructional video which may or may not star his ancestor and the legendary Psiioniic. He watches the video.

No SGRUB AU, post successful coup, following Eridan Ampora's attempts to make up for being "The Greatest Douchecanoe In The Galaxy" as he finds himself stuck with a bunch of midbloods and fighting to survive such odds as "Oh Shit, It's Drone Season And I Ain't Got Neither A Matesprit Nor A Kismesis". Featuring Karkat "Fix Your Fucking Shit Before I Fix It For You" Vantas reprising his role of the scariest motherfucker this side of the galaxy. Also gills, piercings, and piercings in gills. Also, also sex.

You try to dress nice. How do you dress nice for a sex club? You have no fucking idea. But you've got the greaser cool guy look down pretty good, and you think it works for you. You wear your tightest t-shirt. You spend like fifteen minutes in front of the bedroom mirror trying to decide which pair of jeans is the most flattering for your glutes. This is your chance.

The Narutostuck world is a fusion wherein I have jammed Homestuck characters into the Naruto universe and am pretending they were always there. Basically the Land of Space (Uchuu no Kuni) lies to the west of the Land of Wind (Kaze no Kuni), separated by a great desert; its capitol is the village of Hidden Time (Kouingakure no Sato). For the past century or two, it has been ruled by the Condesce and engaged in an endless war of conquest on the continent across the western sea; recently, however, a rebellion led by the Sufferer succeeded in overthrowing her and establishing a new social order in which discrimination against humans and discrimination by blood caste are officially outlawed. Meanwhile, over in the Elemental Countries, the plot of Naruto has reached some sort of good-guys-win conclusion. Now the people on both sides of the desert are tentatively trying to establish some kind of normal diplomatic and trade relations... but the Condesce and her chief supporters were never caught, and are still seeking to restore their rule.

Wherein, Having Beaten A Game, All Players Are Taken Back To The Same, Worst Available Universe, With Species Changes To Match For Those Who Did Not Match Beforehand. In short: You're all trolls now, welcome to Alternia.

"You aren't denying the guilt part," she says happily. You shrug. This was the way you really liked her, alert and predatory, delighted with life and always a little weird. "You could find anybody guilty of something." "That," Terezi declares, "is one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me."

Karkat has more secrets than just his freakish blood, but he can't hide forever.

“Now about that gift I got you, remember how you’ve been all wistful about your concupiscent quadrants? Well I got you something to fix that.” “What,” Karkat said blankly. “Gamzee no, tell me you didn’t get me sex toys.” The good news is that it's not sextoys The bad news is that it's a person.

The Golden Ending for SBurb has been realized and thanks to some careful time jimmying, everyone's ended up in the same timeline and the same present. Including the Trolls. Which can be a little, uh, complicated. Started out as wondering about a family of Striders that included Davesprite and Lil Hal and Alpha Dave, ended up expanding into a massive and strange thing of beauty. Includes an homage to Asukerian's one armed Davesprite with her gracious permission. These are written in whatever order we want but we promise to make sure they're put in mostly chronological order here on the series hub. (mostly because Time Shenanigans) CANON COMPLIANT UP TO THE GIGAPAUSE.

A refugee ship from a dying planet crash lands on the Southern Continent during the Ninth Pass. Can a handful of troll kids and a former Empress carve out a Hold and Weyr for themselves without giving too many hidebound Holders heart attacks?

Care and fucking of your lispy bipolar nerd.

Eridan's right. This guy is so bangable, and you're going to be the one to do it. ...just as soon as you can manage to make that whole 'words' thing work again.

They managed to win the game somehow. He's not really sure of the details, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. He's stuck in an unfamiliar body with a thirteen year old little brother who's terrified of him. Somehow, he is sure this is his fault.