So, my resolution to blog more! How about blogging hilarious TV? I have rarely seen TV more hilarious than Teen Wolf.

In which Stiles cooks and takes his meals with weirdos.

In which there is a lot of talking about Disney. A lot.

For the prompt, "Blowjobs are super helpful for calming people down."

Derek had the bad habit of stealing Stiles' phone every time he came over. He didn't have one of his own, and Stiles had never seen a problem with him shooting off a text to someone as long as he didn't rack up minutes or download games...or porn.

Written for the prompt: Scott and/or Jackson come over to see Derek and find Derek and Stiles fucking (the rougher, more animalistic, bitey, knotting, etc the better). Scott/Jackson end up secretly watching them, getting totally turned on and jerking off. Bonus if Derek is totally aware they're being watched and puts on a show (preferably, with Stiles unaware).

Derek's always knew that Stiles is in love with him. But only when Stiles left for college he realizes that he feels the same way. When Stiles comes back home for vacation smelling like he belongs to someone else Derek loses it.

In which there are parties, awkwardness and orgasms.

“We are not killing her! God, do you even hear yourself?!”

He's always hidden it. Them.

"Be cool, Dad, we've decided to con Grandma." (Or, the one where the Stilinski men drag Derek to Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma's and she gets the right wrong idea.)

"I accept your body!" Stiles says hurriedly. "I accept you. Sexually." There is a pause. Derek says, "Thanks."

Sheriff Stilinski has finally figured out the cause of the rift between them: his son's gay, and he's effectively cut that line of communication. Being the good father that he is, he tries to make sure Stiles knows that he can tell him anything, especially about Derek Hale. Their wires seem to have gotten crossed somewhere.

Stiles gets a proposal. Derek doesn't punctuate like normal people.

drunktuesdays: what am I going to NAME it? drlense: "Knot's Entertainment?" drlense: "Knot's Landing?" drlense: "Short attention span but a really stretched out Anus?" drlense: "My boyfriend does Knot pay attention?"

Danny is bruised. Their werewolf drama has officially bruised Danny. This is the worst day ever.

Derek and Stiles go hunting. Kind of.

Stiles gets a massage. And then some. Alternatively: in which Stiles' mouth gets him into trouble, again and again.

Derek doesn’t get why he likes it so much. It’s just not -- he hadn’t expected to need this. Not from Stiles. Not from anyone, ever. He doesn’t do this. Except he does, now. Because it’s for Stiles, and Derek -- fuck, he likes it too.

"Watching Stiles heal someone has always been a little uncomfortable for Derek, like he's seeing something intimate and private that shouldn't have an audience. That's nothing compared to how it feels." This is an AU in which Stiles has magical healing powers.

Derek's expecting the new guy. He's expecting another mostly-useless college kid who doesn't know one end of a horse from the other, and Derek doesn't have the time to babysit. What he's not expecting is Stiles Stilinski, who carries on conversations with the livestock and gets maybe a little too chummy with Isaac and is really kind of stupidly perfect in every way. And it's just distracting, that's all.

OMG THERE NEEDS TO BE FIC WHERE THE SHERIFF RELATES DATING TO FISHING. AND STILES WANTS TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT.

"So," says Stiles, lips barely able to move against Derek's shoulder. "This is a thing, huh? I don't think we can deny that it's a thing. A conspiracy. All supernatural beings want us to be trapped in enclosed spaces."

“I called you a slave-driver!” Stiles cried hysterically. “I called you an ogre! I stole all the blue paperclips!” Derek raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s company property!” he shouted, waving his arms madly in distress. Derek ran a hand over his face. “It’s not theft if the vice president of the company gives you permission.” (Otherwise known as the Elevator AU)

All hail Stiles, the Fixer of Wolves.

Written for a prompt on the kinkmeme. TFLN: My dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for Sunday brunch next week. You in?

kalpurna: is it weird that I want an original character to call Stiles a cock tease and Stiles is like WHAT and Derek is like what. drunktuesdays: lol that's so specific! why? kalpurna: BECAUSE YOU MADE A TUMBLR POST THAT USED THAT PHRASE AND EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TEEN WOLF + PEOPLE SHOULD TRY TO GET ON STILES'S DICK AND DEREK SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT???? MAYBE I JUST LIKE TO THINK ABOUT STILES TEASING COCKS???????????????? For Kalpurna, from whom I stole all the best lines.

Three times Derek caught Stiles jerking off in the Jeep on the Preserve.

After the rave, Stiles can't go home, and Derek doesn't want him to.

The pack asks Stiles to find a way to get Derek to chill out. This is the best he can come up with.

In which Scott notices Derek and Stiles, gets very confused, and tries to be a good friend.

Derek is in the cell for about ten minutes before the lone door opens and a new body is tossed in. The person hits the floor with a grunt, rolls, and stands as the door is clanging shut. “That’s really not the way to treat a guest!”

Even though he’s making fun of it, Stiles thinks the whole thing sounds awesome and, like most stuff these days, the experience is going to be totally wasted on Scott.

She passes it down, from mother to child, from father to child, until it ends up in his hands. The story and the cloak just as they where the day they were made.

Derek finally works up the courage to ask for something, and Stiles is more than willing to help. (Or the one where Derek and Stiles have been together for years and have a relationship based on mutual love, trust, and respect.)

When the Beacon Hills lacrosse team made a bet with the Beacon Hills cheerleading squad, Stiles should have recognized the smirks on the girls' faces and stopped the whole thing right there.

This is not the behavior Stiles was expecting from a werewolf he’s been dream invading. To be honest, Stiles expected more blood, bruises and begging. He was not expecting creepy Derek to go to sleep next to him.

AS IF I COULD RESIST THE CHANCE TO WRITE DANNY TAKING STILES’ VIRGINITY.

Stiles comes home after three years of learning to understand magic.

"I love Jackson," she says as soon as she's close enough that she doesn't have to raise her voice. "Okay?" Stiles glances left to right, like her meaning is crouched in the darkness somewhere. "I love Taco Tuesdays. Back to you." They go back to school in the fall, and everyone acts like it's all okay. Like none of it ever happened. That's all right, because Lydia could have an Oscar someday. If she wanted one.

Somehow, Scott managed to wind up on the wrong end of a genderswapping spell. Turns out, it's not a completely bad thing.

Stiles is in an imminent sexual situation and, being the awkward virgin that he is, has no idea how to go about getting condoms or what size to get. Rather than asking Scott, he calls Danny. Because you don't talk to your best friend about what your penis is up to or who it's going to be in. And Danny's smart, right? Good plan?

There bruises on Derek's chest from where Stiles pushed Derek. Two purple-red impressions of the heel of Stiles' palms. Derek pokes them curiously. Derek's never had bruises before Stiles.

Becoming a werewolf is not Scott’s first foray into the supernatural. He was five when he understood not everyone saw the strings of color that connected certain people together. His abuela explained to him why the colors tie certain people together: “They are alma gemela. Made for one another.”

It’s not-- it’s not because they’re perverted or something. It’s not. It’s a comfort thing to sit still and extend his senses, focusing on the alpha and his mate.

"What? Why would-- Derek, why would your daemon encourage mine to touch you?" Stiles fakes calm well, but his heart gives him away. "Because Luminera is a deviant." He shrugs. He accepted Luminera's reckless behavior years ago.

Heart-flowers are a reflection of your heart, mind and soul, if you're a romantic. Scientists call them a reflection of mental and emotional health instead. As long as you're happy or content, the flower is healthy too. But if you're distraught the petals will close or brown. It depends person to person, emotion to emotion. When Derek tells Stiles to take care of it, he means, take care of me.

Derek as Khal Drogo (but set in snow beyond the wall) and Stiles as Daenerys Stormborn (although he's a greenseer of the Children rather than a dragon)

Scott leaves for ten years and comes back.

For their tenth birthday, Stiles had gotten Allison a mug from a kiosk at the mall with AREN’T YOU GLAD WE EVOLVED OUT OF NEIGHBORING CELLS on one side and a picture from their school trip to the zoo, the one where Allison was hitting a goat trying to eat Stiles’ shirt, on the other. It’s such a metaphor for their entire existence that Allison puts it on the mantle of every subsequent house that they live in, next to their parents’ wedding portrait.