Derek had the bad habit of stealing Stiles' phone every time he came over. He didn't have one of his own, and Stiles had never seen a problem with him shooting off a text to someone as long as he didn't rack up minutes or download games...or porn.

Tony has a point system for the times he can get Steve to be less than perfect.

“That you’re in love with each other. God, it’s like—it’s kind of ridiculous.” When he says this, Bruce snaps his gaze back up, frowning. “You two are so stubborn and blind, but the whole world knows that science boyfriends—I mean, honestly—isn’t just a pet term for you two. Even Jarvis knows, okay. You two are so stupid.”

Clint is really bad at being single. Fury hands Coulson a mission: Find Clint Barton a boyfriend.

She's silhouetted in the bright morning light; a shining angel that sets off your headache almost immediately and proclaims Hark ye, maiden of the grain and grapes, today will be a Day Moste Shittey.

It turns out that buddyfucking your best friend without shit getting weird requires constant vigilance.

Derek and Stiles go hunting. Kind of.

Danny is bruised. Their werewolf drama has officially bruised Danny. This is the worst day ever.

None of them have discussed the fact that Duncs is dating knock-off Seabses, because what can they really do about it?

"So," says Stiles, lips barely able to move against Derek's shoulder. "This is a thing, huh? I don't think we can deny that it's a thing. A conspiracy. All supernatural beings want us to be trapped in enclosed spaces."

“I called you a slave-driver!” Stiles cried hysterically. “I called you an ogre! I stole all the blue paperclips!” Derek raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s company property!” he shouted, waving his arms madly in distress. Derek ran a hand over his face. “It’s not theft if the vice president of the company gives you permission.” (Otherwise known as the Elevator AU)

kalpurna: is it weird that I want an original character to call Stiles a cock tease and Stiles is like WHAT and Derek is like what. drunktuesdays: lol that's so specific! why? kalpurna: BECAUSE YOU MADE A TUMBLR POST THAT USED THAT PHRASE AND EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TEEN WOLF + PEOPLE SHOULD TRY TO GET ON STILES'S DICK AND DEREK SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT???? MAYBE I JUST LIKE TO THINK ABOUT STILES TEASING COCKS???????????????? For Kalpurna, from whom I stole all the best lines.

“We should have sober sex,” Patrick says, rolling his neck until it pops loudly. He really should be thinking about getting up off of the floor. “Why would we do that?” Jonny asks, twisting to look down at Patrick like he just suggested that they throw puppies into traffic.

Taylor Hall doesn't think a destroyed slice of chocolate cake, a broken bed and his line-mates wearing his clothes necessarily means anything. The rest of the team don't agree.

Patrick writes his name on Jonny's to-send Christmas cards. It leads to feelings.

Normally, Laura is perfectly willing to delicately coach her baby brother through the endless labyrinth of his emotional manpain, but Laura’s dissertation is due in two days and she just flat out doesn’t have the time.

And of course, because Sharpy is the most ill-mannered Canadian ever, he opens up the newspaper like he doesn't have the most entertaining thing in Chicago across the table from him anyway. He's totally pretending to read it, just to make Patrick salty, but two can play at that game, so he snatches the Sunday inserts out of the folds, smirking at Sharpy. But he glances down and staring up at him, looking like, all of eighteen and strangely soft and sweet is Jonathan fucking Toews.

They've been hooking up for more than a year, undefined and mostly unspoken, when Johnny first speaks French in bed with Kaner.

sometimes you have to go down before you can go out.

It's the first time Gou has seen Samezuka's captain in a swimsuit. It's the first time Seijuurou's seen her in a swimsuit. It's clear both of them are ill-equipped to handle this situation. Shameless fluff, blushing, and muscle-appreciation. Written for a kink meme prompt: "So Seijuurou is the captain of the Samezuka team. Gou is the manager of the Iwatobi one. Both teams compete together. Cue the two of them seeing each other at a meet, both only wearing swimwear, and nearly going into cardiac arrest over each other."

“Ah, yeah, Desiree, I told you I was meeting someone. Well, that someone is Derek. My boyfriend. We’re totally in love.” His heart was racing and Derek was holding him so tight it was difficult to turn enough to face the young woman. What he did see of her had his breath catching on fishhooks in his throat. She was normally a relatively pretty girl, with cute round cheeks and large dark eyes, but in that moment she looked…terrifying. Her cheeks seemed gaunt, her eyes glowing like they were little windows peeking into a deep pit of raging flame. (Or: Five or so years after the show. Stiles is in college, and finds himself getting stalked by a succubus. Derek's determined that the best way to thwart her is to prove that he and Stiles are madly in love. It's not really as much of an act as either seems to think.)

Appreciate him without sounding patronizing. Somehow. Refrain from smacking him. Make him laugh. Don't do this at someone else's expense. Maybe at your own. Be seen with him. Show him you're willing to be seen in public associating with him. Initiate conversation - show you want to talk to him. Do not allow him to think you just want something from him. Even if you do. Feed him. Not junk food. Show you can provide for him? Isaac had added (un)helpful additions, such as 'Don't leave dead animals on his porch!' in response to number five, underlining 'Don't do this at someone else's expense' twice, and 'Why are you writing a list to yourself in second person? The fact you want Stiles is your worst kept secret'.

I said, will you marry me?

"I bet you a hundred bucks," Sharpy says, gesturing with his drink to punctuate how very serious he is about this suggestion, "that I can pick up the next person who walks in that door before you can." Duncan Keith probably shouldn't have taken that bet.

It's not until after he's pulled the whole thing off that Jason realizes what a stupid move it was.

"Didn't you know, Jason?" Tim says, voice light and taking on that tone that their public personas use, "I'm a winter. Lavender is my color."

Cougar accidentally finds out Jensen gets aroused really easily. He gets curious.

Explosions, broken toes, and blood transfusions, or, the long and mostly-incompetent courtship of Cougar by Jensen.

Sara Crispino, thirstiest virgin in Barcelona, decides to get rejected by pretty much half the skating world. Mila Babicheva, nursing the world's worst Straight Girl Crush in recent history, is just along for the ride.

Tim is bad at feelings, so he instigates a prank war. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Riza takes such immense joy in ruining Roy's life that he can't even bring himself to begrudge her.

“What’s the internet say about all this sexual tension?” Kuroo asks, and Kenma’s attention snaps back to the screen. “Nothing I didn’t see earlier. It should lessen over time, but it’s meant to cement the new bond between mated individuals. Through sex, I guess.” (( or: kenma must navigate his new and unwanted werewolf marriage with kuroo, and honestly, it would be a lot easier if they didn't get boners every time they made eye contact ))

AU where Buzzfeed still won’t give us the Unsolved merch we deserve, but this they at least do provide.

“So, how long have you and Shane been dating?” Jen asks. If Ryan had already taken a sip of his coffee, he would’ve done a spit take right now. Instead, he just sends her an incredulous look. “Shane and I are what?” Or, Ryan and Shane's life would be so much easier if they just talked to each other.

Ryan goes on a series of dates with Shane. Friend-dates. For a video, of course. Nothing else. "Oh god, they're definitely in love."

Shane has the worst timing.

Simon tells himself, It’s not gay, it’s not gay, I’m totally not checking him out, he just had that stain on his right trouser leg…. Raphael is, apparently, a rich as fuck vampire, because the suit shop they go in is fancy as hell. They park in the basement, because, uh, sunlight, and even though dusk has fallen it’s better to be safe than sorry (sorry meaning dead). Raphael keeps smirking, which does nothing to help Simon’s inner mantra that consists of I’m straight, I’m straight holy fuck is he licking his lip- I’m straight.. “This,” the vampire announces as they walk into the shop, smiling faintly, looking, almost for the first time since Simon’s met him, as if he’s relaxed, “is the greatest place in the world, Simon Lewis.” He looks at him then, grinning, eyes dark, shining, looking more polished than ever but somehow oddly vulnerable, and Simon’s breath hitches, his insides turning to goo. His mantra becomes Let me not jump him, or, at least, not in public..

Raphael likes to lowkey compliment Simon, the only problem is that Simon highkey has no freaking clue what he's saying.

"It wasn’t that he was crushing on Pat Gill, not really. Brian was comfortable having a close friendship which involved physical affection, and even jokes regarding it. He was just...he smelled nice, even when he was sweaty. He had really nice and soft hair. The way he gripped his leg and lifted him so easily was nice. The way the crotch of his jeans felt against his—" After the Shadow of the Colossus Gill and Gilbert, Pat and Brian find themselves dealing with the fact that there are consequences to being in on-and-off intimate positions with your coworker for over an hour, and those consequences tend to manifest themselves quite noticeably in your pants.

Lan Zhan has been in love with his best friend for nearly a decade and despite his attempts, has never managed to confess. Now that Wei Ying's lease is almost up, there's a chance he'll be moving in with him soon, and Lan Zhan isn't sure that's something he'll survive... The impending stress leads to a drink, which in turn leads to a desperate Reddit post that goes viral and attracts attention and advice from... well, none other than Wei Ying, resulting in a series of failed attempts at getting Wei Ying to realize just how Lan Zhan feels about him.

Cloud Recesses, Gusu, age 15 “You don’t think they’re really going to make us wake up at mao hour?” Wei Wuxian whined. “Or sleep by the end of xu hour?” “They’re not going to make us do anything,” Jiang Cheng groaned. “It’s just that activities will be ongoing when they’re awake, so if you miss them all by sleeping until si hour, that’s your problem. It’s not like we made them do anything when they were visiting us at the Lotus Pier…” “What are you talking about?” Nie Huaisang wanted to know. “You all most certainly made poor Lan-xiong stay up past his bedtime when he was visiting the Lotus Pier – and the same for the rest of us, too!” Wei Wuxian, who had led most of the forcing-to-stay-up-late nonsense, coughed. “Yes, well…speaking of Lan Zhan, do you think he’ll be happy to see me?” “No,” both Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang chorused.

“Tell me I’m beautiful, Lan er-gege!” “You are well aware you are beautiful,” Lan Wangji says. Wei Wuxian trips over Jiang Wanyin and sends both of them to the ground in a tangle of limbs and bruises.

Following the war, Wen Qing had had something of a revelation. Namely, that the vast majority of problems in her life were due to the fact that she was surrounded by a bunch of idiots. (a getting-together story)

Tang Fan writes a new romance novel that reaches new heights of obvious pining, Wang Zhi takes matters into his own hands, a guest comes to stay, and Sui Zhou continues to be a irresponsible combination of jealous and oblivious. (This takes place somewhere nebulously in the middle of the series, but really it could happen at any point, no spoilers)

[“Okay, but listen,” Zuko says. “I’m listening.” “Did you forget about the capitalist scam happening tomorrow?” He asks. “You know, patron saint of shitty teddy bears and pretending that a few flowers makes up for being emotionally constipated the rest of the year?” Zuko shrugs. “Not like I lied.” “Sounds kind of like you lied.” “He said couple,” Zuko points out, “We are a couple. A couple of people who want a discount.”] Or, Zuko and Sokka work the system.

Eddie yanked at the tentacles stringing him up, his mind and body alight with need, "Venom, please please please do that again, fuck –" I think you might need a little help remembering the terms of our agreement, Venom mused instead.

Geno only lets Alex make him a Grindr profile that summer because Alex is still upset about Maria, because Alex's grin has a kind of manic, brittle quality that makes Geno sigh and hand over his cell phone with only a token protest.

They make a point of it, always, telling Zhenya how beautiful Sidney is.

Flower is looking out at the balcony, and he’s got a wrinkle of concern between his eyebrows. “Are you on your pills, Sid?” “Bud. I’ve been on the pills since I was twenty years old, of course I am. Also, still really, really single.” “Maybe,” Flower says slowly. “Maybe you should have been upping your doses.” “What—” Sid says, before following Flower’s gaze to the balcony. And his heart stops.

He hopes four sandwiches will be enough to get them both through this. Sid's angst makes Geno really hungry. or: 5 hockey players Sidney Crosby doesn't have a crush on. (+1 oblivious idiot he loves)