Stiles and Lydia never should have become friends, for Derek’s sake.

"What, you don't roll around with all your clothes on when you're having sex?" Darren asks, and Chris snorts into his shoulder. "Because that's, like, the only way I'll do it. Either roll or go home."

There’s a plan already forming in the back of Tony’s mind and he knows it’s teasing, but it’s not an opportunity he can willingly pass up. Sequel to Fuck Me Heels. Enjoy guys!

John introduces his best human friend to his best troll friend. Maybe the three of them sit down to watch romcoms, maybe they're just hanging around a lab in the veil, but whatever the circumstance, Dave has trouble paying attention to the conversation at hand. Karkat is good looking and distracting and it's just not fair. Naturally, he begins distracting Karkat while John's talking. Little touches, lip licks, etc. Karkat gets flustered, Dave is thrilled, John is oblivious. It turns into a competition to see who can flirt the most without alerting John to their UST-fueled game.

"They just watch," John says, kicking the mop bucket into the broom closet after a hard day's asteroid-cleaning. "I guess chores are like a spectator sport for trolls? It's pretty weird! But... that's trolls for you!"

kalpurna: is it weird that I want an original character to call Stiles a cock tease and Stiles is like WHAT and Derek is like what. drunktuesdays: lol that's so specific! why? kalpurna: BECAUSE YOU MADE A TUMBLR POST THAT USED THAT PHRASE AND EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TEEN WOLF + PEOPLE SHOULD TRY TO GET ON STILES'S DICK AND DEREK SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT???? MAYBE I JUST LIKE TO THINK ABOUT STILES TEASING COCKS???????????????? For Kalpurna, from whom I stole all the best lines.

Honestly, Pat isn't sure how they got here. He's had a lot to drink, and they've been engaged in about four hours of what was Mario Kart war but turned into an epic Smash Bros. tournament, and somewhere along the way bets that required badges of honour were made, except instead of badges of honour somebody—okay, probably Pat—decided they were to be badges of shame, and somebody—again, probably Pat—decided the winner got to mark the loser so everybody could heckle him until it faded.

Tim, apparently, really likes peppermint. Much to the detriment of others around him when he gets his hands on some.

"One has to wonder if it's all the perverts you're attracted to, or just the crazy ones.”

"I got you this." He sets a tiny box on the table between you and nudges it in your direction with psionics. You stare at it. It's the right size to hold a human-style commitment-designation ring, which you sometimes think would be a cool thing to have but as far as you know he's never been interested in. "For those times when I'm being a jackass and you need to snap me out of it." A little smile, a hint of the smug asslord creeping back in around the edges of the apologetic matesprit. "Or when you just want a shortcut to getting my attention."

You are being the best boyfriend right now, right, and you're not even appropriating that word because you're only using it in your head instead of saying it out loud where Kankri could get upset. And it better be worth it, because you are so uncomfortable.

Prolly if the two of you had handled this on your own, it woulda turned bloody real fast. You're guessin' neither of you woulda been willin' to let it go without the other one dead, and who the fuck knows what that coulda done to your two groups of friends. Now, you ain't gonna fuck shit up for everyone else if you can help it, but like fuck are you just gonna let Feferi Peixes have her own way. Not over your dead body, necessarily. But... maybe over hers. Lucky for the two of you, lil' Vantas McNubs is way too nosy for his own good. An' way too persistent. An' way too fuckin' precious to ever, ever hurt. It was gettin' real coddamn ugly the first time he jumped in between you. Feferi was just about ready to go for you, an' like shell were you lettin' her get away with that bullshit, an' both of you were there with your tridents out an' all, an' there's Karkat, just jumpin' in the middle like it ain't no thing.

If Zoro had the conscience to do anything but pant hotly and swallow moans, he might have laughed at the smear of cream on the cook’s nose.

Sollux just wanted a tattoo. He came out of it with ten piercings and a threesome.

Care and fucking of your lispy bipolar nerd.

The Golden Ending for SBurb has been realized and thanks to some careful time jimmying, everyone's ended up in the same timeline and the same present. Including the Trolls. Which can be a little, uh, complicated. Started out as wondering about a family of Striders that included Davesprite and Lil Hal and Alpha Dave, ended up expanding into a massive and strange thing of beauty. Includes an homage to Asukerian's one armed Davesprite with her gracious permission. These are written in whatever order we want but we promise to make sure they're put in mostly chronological order here on the series hub. (mostly because Time Shenanigans) CANON COMPLIANT UP TO THE GIGAPAUSE.

Keith and Shiro play chicken. Sex chicken. Everybody wins. "What do you think you're doing?" "What does it look like I'm doing?" Shiro has an excellent poker face; it doesn't even flicker when he says, "Demonstrating the male version of the human reproductive system. Why are you doing it on my lap?"

Of all the wonderful things to come out of peace talks, Tobirama relishes Izuna's jealousy the most.

His arm wasn't the only thing the Galra changed. They also gave him certain... needs. Shiro learns to make it work for him.

Matt just wanted to distract Shiro. It worked, but not the way he was thinking.

Shiro's heat hits, and Keith helps him with what he needs

Utakata makes a noise of irritation and finally cracks one eye open, glaring up at the shape above him. “It’s December,” he protests. Zabuza grins at him, more challenge than anything, and braces a knee on the bed between Utakata’s thighs. “Want me to keep you warm?” he asks, and big hands settle on Utakata’s hips as lips caress the back of his neck.

Shisui's breaths feel too loud in the quiet of the room, like they’re coming too fast. It’s like he’s panting, like he can't get enough air, and it makes his head spin. His whole body is shaking, overheated, burning up from the inside, and he has to catch himself on the edge of the sink and lean there, gasping for air, acutely, exquisitely, awfully aware of every inch of his skin. Behind him, a page turns, crinkling, and there's a quiet hum.

Magnus wants to reach down and run his fingers through Alec’s hair, but he can’t. His wrists are tied together with a length of silk rope that connects them to the headboard. They both know it’s only an illusion of control - Magnus is more than capable of getting out of the bonds with just a single thought and slightest push of magic - but it’s still a nice fantasy, having Magnus helpless like this. “Fuck,” Magnus whines, his hands straining against the rope with the overwhelming urge to touch, “Alexander, please!”

Eddie briefly recalls some tentacle porn he’d watched just before Venom became a part of him. The copious vines holding her up and entering her every opening simultaneously. Fluids, from her or the monster who could tell, leaking from her mouth and pussy and ass. Oh, Eddie. Venom’s thought shook him, definitely not wanting to take their tongue out his mouth, How’d you keep this from us? Eddie had to be completely honest… he had absolutely no idea how he did either. ~ That good good tentacle fuckin' that Eddie so desperately wanted.

"Think I could make you come like this?

“Well,” Asuma says as Hidan is shoved to his knees in front of him. “This is a surprise.”

It looks like a seizure, Stiles falling down and twitching and writhing on the floor. His limbs are shaking, his body trembling, but afterwards Stiles always tells him it isn't a seizure. Derek isn't so sure. If it's not a seizure, what could it be?

It’s a game. It’s a game to see how loud he can be and not have anyone but Nicky hear him, a game to see what he can do without anyone but Nicky noticing.

“You kissed me the night before we got drafted,” Connor says, unbuckling Jack’s belt and making light work of yanking Jack’s jeans down to his knees. With Jack’s thighs and his penchant for tight fitting pants, it’s an impressive move. “Blew me in the men’s restroom right after dinner.” “Fuck you I did not,” Jack grunts as he lifts up his hips to help Connor strip off his boxers.

Zach thinks about all the teasing Dylan’s been doing lately, all the ways he’s taunted Zach with his dick. If he wants to get into Zach’s pants, he’s going to have to be more forward than that. Or they can keep playing this long-winded game of gay chicken. So Zach stands up, sheds his gear, and when he’s sure Dylan is looking, he drops his pants.

He's Hank's. The whole team is.

They get to the tables with the guys, who’re watching with varying levels of amusement, and finally Ritter drops him on the padded bench. Matt bounces and nearly slides right off. Ritter manages to catch him, one firm hand planted on his chest, pressing him down. “Stay,” he orders and Matt sucks in a sharp breath as something in him goes molten hot. OR Matt's got a bit of a Ritter sized problem.

Sanji being tied up was a treat. The wiggly cook was hard to pin down, and he didn’t particularly like being restrained when they were on the high seas, just in case of an attack, but hotels? Docked safely on inhabited islands? They all quickly took advantage of the rest to string up their favorite chef. To watch him strain himself against the expertly tied knots and leather. The positions for only them to see and enjoy. Really, the cook of the Strawhat pirates was easily one of their most prized possessions.

Sam, Sebastian and Abigail have been friends forever and they might seem weirdly close to other people but all it takes it an impromptu makeover, some teasing words, and a threesome for it to become something more than friendship.

“I don’t have a small dick, idiot,” Alex openly laughed, a stark contrast to Henry’s quiet, reserved chuckle, “I have no dick.” Henry stared at him for a moment and Alex just looked back at him, taking a sip of his drink. “Funny,” he said with a flat voice, indicating that he did not, in any way, find it funny. “Well,” Alex moved to clarify, tilting his head to the side for just a moment, “I supposed I do. But it’s currently tucked away in my hotel room. And I’m not sure if you count t-dicks in what you’re referring to.” “I… don’t know what that means.” Alex laughed again, shaking his head this time, “Of course you don’t.” “Shall I google it?” And Alex couldn’t help but egg him on. “Oh, definitely. When this event is over, you should open up your laptop, pull up that special website you go to for your alone time and type ‘T-Dicks’ into the search bar. I promise it won’t disappoint.” OR Henry does as Alex suggests... and Alex is obsessed with how Henry looks when he falls apart. Lots of sex ensues.

Tim has plans to meet his boyfriend's sister. Jason has plans to meet his girlfriend's brother. These two things should not be related. But their respective partners certainly are. Alternatively: Tim is dating Danny, and Jason is dating Jazz. Neither of them realize this until they're at Jazz's place at the same time without telling each other where they were going. Well. Their evening just got a lot more interesting.