This is an AU in which the elemental countries are modern nation-states locked into an uneasy regional standoff. Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke (and others!) meet at a summer camp as children, and later end up working both to create a more lasting peace and to move their country away from a clan-based oligarchy toward a true democracy. Or something like that. I was just trying to write a 'camp counselors at a lake' thing, but the sociopolitical background took me hostage and ran away with my writing mojo. *wry*

In which Tim is the Witch, Jason was supposed to be the debt but turns out to be Red Hood, and there are shenanigans because life isn't that great when your mom was Janet Drake. A series in which fairytales collide to make life awkward and horrible. (Tim the witch, Jason as Rapunzel turned witch-hunter, and more to be added along the way.)

“Hey. Hey. I have an awesome idea,” Sera said suddenly, having rolled slowly onto her back until her head and part of her shoulders were hanging off the edge of the couch. “We could… we could totally set Dorian up. With one of our, our other friends. He’ll cry less, we’ll drink less, everything will be great.” “… Sounds doable,” Evelyn burped. “But who?” “Urm.” Sera frowned. “What about Thom?” “Naaah. He’s too much of a sad puppy. He’ll make it worse.” “Bull?” “Think he’s banging some waitresses right now. At least two. At the same time without either of them knowing. It’s like some serious spy shit.”

Dorian had scarcely read through the first chapter when a shuffle of footsteps stopped outside his nook. He glanced up, a little warily, then set the book down on his lap in surprise: it was General Cullen, of all people, still in his military uniform, the khaki pressed to razor edges, the collar blood red against his throat, the gold star of his rank bright and high over his sleeves. “General,” Dorian greeted Cullen, when Cullen seemed to hesitate. Hells, but the man was ridiculously handsome, more so than Dorian had expected: it wasn’t just the uniform, at that - there was something deliciously attractive about a gorgeous man who was utterly unaware that he was gorgeous. “Something the matter?”

"Maker save me from you Southern chantry boys." Dorian shakes his head, rolling his eyes and not seeming like he minds being oggled all that much. "You believe in the Maker?" Cullen asks softly, stunned at the idea. He knew there was still a chantry further north, but the idea of them worshipping the same Maker Cullen does is difficult to grasp. "Don't you?"

Playing designated driver is not Dorian's forte. Luckily, he's got some sober company in the form of the second most attractive friend in the group--after himself, of course. Dorian's not sure why Cullen comes to these parties. He doesn't drink, doesn't socialize, he even goes to work with most of these people! There has to be a reason though, right?

There's nothing wrong with a little online flirting. Cullen hardly ever expects it to go anywhere even if he really does like the man he's been chatting with for over a month.

Shortly after Arthur is resurrected in the 21st century, he finds Merlin's vibrator. That's it. That's the plot.

15 texts that were never sent in Westeros.

Obito snatches up the abandoned bottle, jogs three steps, and hurls it with all the force he can manage at the back of the white-haired litterer’s head, snarling, “Hey, asshole! It’s called recycling!”

The Inquisition Law Offices provide a wide array of services to a select and not-so-select clientele. Working in Haven is a complicated business for Inquisitor Mahanon Lavellan, who balances actually bringing justice down on those corrupt while casually having his team manage negotiations to keep his city safe and peaceful with the Trevelyan twins in the dark lower streets, the Valo-Kas' warring Tal-Vashoth factions in the Qunari district, and the Carta's pair of rather dangerous contacts, the Cadash siblings. In comparison, The Iron Bull and his Chargers are a breath of calm, relaxing fresh air. Cullen Rutherford, head of the Inquisition Law Offices' Employee Resources department, has been blissfully unaware of all of this until meeting the love of his life in a jazz club bar fight. Cremisus Aclassi was not planning on a six-foot-and-change boyfriend, but hey, when life gives you oversized blushing men, you roll with it. Dorian just really wants Mob Wives of Thedas to stop trying to get him on their show, and his definitely-not-husband to stop interrupting him at work to make out in the Archives.

The Iron Bull is a firefighter with scars and history to spare. Dorian keeps setting things on fire- like curtains, and dates. Or, the one where two messed up people find each other, Solas is a righteous avenger, Cullen really needs to stop online dating, and everyone gets a happy ending but not without some pain to go with it.

Dorian Pavus is a successful, single, and frankly frustrated author of Young Adult fiction. His work largely concerns the experiences of gay and queer teens, and he always, always gives them hopeful endings, despite his own life not delivering on that part. When he's invited to host a writer's workshop at a shelter for young people, he meets its caretaker, Iron Bull. Iron Bull admires his work, and then some. Dorian isn't quite sure how, but this becomes a Thing.

A collection of responses to headcanon meme prompts. Some are about KremDorian some are about Krem in general. Basically this is a depository for my Krem and OTP feels lol

Dorian is a mechanic in the modern city of Skyhold. Iron Bull and his Chargers are a motorcycle gang. What more do you need to know to click on this story?

That one where Adaar runs a dungeon called Horns. Because that's just how Adaar rolls.

When Tobirama returns with the drinks, Madara glances up, flushes slightly at the sight of him, and tries valiantly, if pathetically, “Do you drink milk? It certainly did your body good.” It takes effort not to throw the tray at him.

A super-cracky modern!AU where Akatsuki is a group of quasi-reformed terrorists and former suicide squad now (nominally) on the side of the angels, saving the planet their own way. Mostly accidentally. Or through recycling. (That's entirely Obito's fault.)

He felt like the naked girl who'd just been a white wolf and the half-naked guy who'd just been a mangled corpse dragged into his barn by a wolf completely deserved his screaming. The ~magical~ turd-licking fence-fuckers masquerading as his classmates had been sneak-flirting with him for weeks. "Is my life actually a shitty supernatural romance?! Am I going to develop more special than you powers that somehow never matter half as much as who I fuck? Am I supposed to arbitrate your little game of which one of you is the sexiest alpha male by gracing them with my boy cooch?" -- now with sequel pesterlog silliness.

In order to save his home, The Iron Bull returns to work as a professional Dom for a company known only as Inquisition. Dorian Pavus, known by the code name of Urthemiel within the Inqusition's carefully guarded walls, is considered a difficult client, and placed with The Iron Bull in the hopes that he can help. Together, they build something better than they were before.

A snowstorm forces Cullen, Bull, and Dorian to confront the history they share. Together they find a new way forward.

He knows that it's probably unhealthy to hate follow people on tumblr but THIS GUY, this fucking guy... he's just too much.

Dorian enjoys being fingered while Bull watches television and Bull certainly has no complaints.

(563): Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards.

It’s not his proudest moment, but Sakumo takes one look at the newest occupant of the gym and walks into a wall.

“Oh?” Orochimaru asks sweetly, trying to judge the room they're in. Some sort of military headquarters, predictably. “They let me keep my doctorates? How kind. But I assume this wasn’t a test of how many low-level guards I could put in the morgue—” “Three,” the younger soldier standing at Danzō’s shoulder cuts in, righteous anger darkening his features. “Three in the morgue, six in the hospital.” “Oh my, you caught me on an off day.” Orochimaru gives the young man his best flirtatious smirk. “Come back tomorrow and I promise, I’ll at least double both counts.” (Or, that Suicide Squad!AU no one asked for and no one wanted, but I wrote anyway. I'm not sorry.)

Matt has a plan to get Shiro laid; Shiro has a lot of misgivings about this. "Shiro. Buddy. I swear on everything I hold holy—" "You're an atheist," Shiro points out. "—I swear on the grave of Carl Sagan and in the name of Neil deGrasse Tyson," Matt says, not missing a beat, "that if you go home alone tonight, it'll be your own personal decision and not because you won't have other options."

“-my mother was not Lyanna fucking Stark!” Jon exclaimed, before turning and kicking, vehemently at the sofa, enough to leave brown dustmarks on the purple cloth. He turned back to her, lifting a finger threateningly. “I don’t care what you say. But our father would never- never- sleep with his sister, in fact I don’t even know why I’m telling you this because guess what, Sansa? You should already know that!” [Sansa tries to tell Jon who his mother is. Jon thinks he’s an incest-baby. Which........ isn’t wrong.]

Mei laughs, rich and throaty, and takes the glass from her, tilting it up to her lips and taking a long swallow. Then, perfectly careless, she drops it over the arm of the chair to shatter on the floor, gaze never wavering from Kushina. “How about I help you in return, sweetheart? That dress looks uncomfortable. Take it off.”

Their first date is objectively pretty great. But later, when Bucky comes after Steve slides inside him and slaps him on the ass, Steve knows this is going to be fun.

Sakumo loses a bet and has to cover the fashion beat for a week. It's not nearly the trial he expected it to be.

For a prompt on my Tumblr: Playboy!Orochimaru who ends up with Single Dad!Sakumo in the end. No understands what happened.

“I don’t care for that honorifics crap. Well, I guess Ygritte hasn’t told you, did she?” “Told me what?” “What I thought. Just call me Robb. I don’t get off on people calling me titles.” “And what do you get off to then? If I may ask.” “Sure you can. I get off on people trusting me to do right by them. Which means that unless everyone is happy, it doesn’t work for me.” Or: where Theon Greyjoy and Robb Stark walk into Ygritte's BDSM club one evening. Calling it good karma is probably an understatement.

“He’s hot, isn't he?” Izuna asks, stealing one of Tobirama’s pens. Entirely distracted by his thoughts, Tobirama grunts in agreement, then realizes exactly what he was confirming and snaps his head up to glare at Izuna. Izuna just laughs in his face, and Tobirama groans and presses a hand over his eyes.

Kurenai looks thoughtful. “So you want help picking someone who will annoy him?” “I want help picking someone who will give him an aneurism,” Asuma corrects, because he’s always been a fan of go big or go home. “Pissing off the mayor seems like a bad idea,” Raidō ventures after a moment, but he’s already looking around the lunchroom, scanning for targets. Asuma snorts. “I'm not pissing off the mayor, I'm pissing off my father,” he says. “Despite what he wants to think, there is a difference.”

Obito recognizes the divine messenger immediately.

Mikoto does not want her elderly relatives trying to pick out her future husband. Kushina has a brilliant idea. (Oh no... she's hot.)

Smothering his amusement, Tobirama leans up, a few inches further than the other teacher can manage, and plucks the wayward student down from the tree he’s attempting to climb. Settling back, he flips Naruto upside down, dangling him under one arm, and asks Iruka with a smirk, “I believe this is yours?”

Noctis Lucis Caelum is evil, and he loves it when Prompto's body is a slave to his music.

“Very well. I’m going to tell you straight up — when you told me you hadn’t remembered that episode at all, it was a red flag. Given everything else you’ve said up to this point and how you reacted to recalling it and what you’ve said about your general coping mechanisms —” “Coping mechanisms?” “You might not know it was that, but you’ve used a lot of them. And this is where I tell you that repression or suppression of traumatic memories is very common, when discussing child abuse victims. Especially male ones.” He doesn’t know why his first instinct is denying it. It’s fucking ridiculous. He went to a guy who’s a fucking authority on the subject because deep down he knew that could be the issue, if he even thinks about that one memory he wants to throw up, since he remembered that he hasn’t been able to walk near dogs without wanting to jump on the other side of the road, it’s been two months and he’s gained a new awareness of how unhealthy his entire life was until he broke it off with her — And still, his first instinct is telling him, it can’t be?

And now he’s just… how the fuck is he even supposed to talk to Tyrion in his life without blurting hey, you know what, I’ve just discussed a few things with my therapist and guess what, I let her ruin your life, too, and I didn’t understand how much, and I didn’t even hear you out when you tried to tell me and you had half my fucking years, will you ever forgive me for that? He has no fucking clue. He has no bloody fucking clue, and fine, that is why he’s pretty much unable to think of anything else, but it still doesn’t mean he had any right to be a fucking arse to others.

Why the fuck would Ned Stark’s kid volunteer to sell off his fucking virginity, that’s something Jaime would honestly like to know. … Also, damn, now that he looks back at it, it’s not just that he’s nervous. He has the face of someone who’s wholly fucking regretting being here. Or: in which Jon makes extremely bad life decisions. Good for him that he pretty much crashes Jaime's undercover op.

Eijirou ignores the thousands of notifications he has—as an extremely popular "fitness" model on Instagram, the constant onslaught is just background noise to him at this point. His latest post is doing extremely well, but that was almost a given, since it was an especially risqué photoshoot with a company that makes leather body harnesses. Their newest chest harness (in red, of course) is particularly good for highlighting one of his best assets—his pecs. The message in question, from Instagram user @candocandid, is only a few days old: Hey! Wow, thanks so much for the follow back?! Totally wasn't expecting that haha -- Midoriya Izuku is a popular Instagram photographer who is just as pretty as his photos, and Eijirou wants a piece.

in which Jaime has A Very Sound Plan when it comes to his family's objections to his marriage with Brienne.

in which I repost fics of various length that I posted on tumblr based on a specific modern 'verse that was discussed with one or more anons on my tumblr a while ago. Premise: Jon is still R+L but went to live with the Starks around five-ish after both his parents pretty much realized they bit off more than they could chew. Features extra Jon Connington being the responsible adult, Robb being a gift, the Tullys being fairly great people and so on. Specific ficlets: 1) jon connington comes clean with rhaegar about his feelings in a way he hadn't predicted; 2) jon c. finds out that rhaegar named his kid after him; 3) robb is *extremely* invested in making sure jon's first birthday party turns out great (ned/cat, robb & jon); 4) robb takes his brotherly duties with jon very seriously, good for everyone involved; 5) jon's first christmas with the starks *and* tullys; 6) how jon c. and brynden tully get together in this 'verse and realize they're actually perfect for each other; 7) jon (snow) and ygritte have their first child... who looks like rhaegar, GENETICS!.

Obito gets one look at the firefighter taking off his coat and almost drops his end of the gurney on his foot.

ROLLINS STONE MAGAZINE In this issue Six of Crows: From break-ins to breakout stars, the band talks overnight success, music and madness, and everything in between. Eddie Spaghetti once said, "Rock and roll keeps you in a constant state of juvenile delinquency." That would explain a lot, as the dynamic within the band can only be described as a decidedly more aggressive version of The Breakfast Club. Namely: a lot of banter—most of which involves a lot of stinging and acerbic one-liners that are just waiting to be immortalized by the internet, enough hijinks to send any authority figure running, and a whole lot of waffles. (or, the band au no one asked for but which I wrote anyway)

Alistair calls, and Zevran answers. The problem is, it wasn't supposed to be Zevran on the other end of the phone.

Alistair would really like for everyone to stop acting like he and Zevran are dating. Where do people come up with this stuff??? For an anon on tumblr who wanted 1,000 words of Alistair and Zevran being That Couple. :)

MSNBC Breaking News: Heir to Stark Fortune Snubs Merger with Billionaire Walder Frey; Frey Retaliates with Vicious Attack on Twitter.