Dave has a thing for large breasts. Jade discovers she does too.

Good girls go to heaven, but the bad girls dress up Mr. Ampora on Saturday nights. In which Rose knows she must be disturbed.

Title: And Only One Blanket Summary: The building they come to falls somewhere on the shed-shack-cabin-cottage continuum; the threat of frostbite makes Rose disinclined to be picky. Title: Going Both Ways Summary: Karkat can match him at either end of his scale, balancing both highs and lows with this kind of frothing, incoherent fury that's...kind of attractive, in the right light. All that energy. All that drive. Title: King of Spades Summary: ==> Dirk: fuck the Man.

The body of the email just says, “don’t fuck seguin” because Jonny doesn’t know what capital letters are and he’s a controlling asshole even when he’s miles away, and attached to it is a spreadsheet that Patrick reluctantly opens. It’s color-coded with tabs and he’s not sure whether he wants to punch Jonny in the mouth or laugh in his face. Calling him in the middle of the airport is a really bad fucking idea and Patrick knows something about those, so he settles for sending Jonny a message. YOU SENT ME A JERK-OFF SCHEDULE FOR SWITZERLAND?!

Three times Derek caught Stiles jerking off in the Jeep on the Preserve.

Going by the dates on the blog, Sam hadn't even waited a month after the fall-out from Ruby before finding something else to keep secret.

You're a late bloomer at nine sweeps, and you don't yet have a concupiscent quadrant filled. This leaves you alone and self-pailing for the duration of your mating cycle—at least, that was the idea. When Karkat bursts in on you, it sort of throws off your plans for the week.

Stiles and Derek have phone-sex while Stiles is away at college.

Stiles has a preference for written porn. He also has a thing for Derek's voice. So when Derek finds his erotica collection, this is clearly either the best or the worst thing that's ever happened to him.

Tony isn't so much introducing Steve to twenty-first century sex as enabling him. Steve already knows what he wants.

Stiles would say his relationship with Derek is about fifteen percent empty threats, thirty percent sass, ten percent avoiding violence together, and five percent eyebrows. If anyone asked, he would say the remaining forty percent is mutual orgasms. It’s a good thing no one ever asks.

The five times Derek called the Sheriff "Dad" on accident and the first time he did it on purpose.

There's a part of Derek that he hates most of all - it's only caused him trouble. He pushes people away and finds a workaround and it's fine, until the day Stiles goes searching through his things.

Dirrck gets sent a link to "Part Eight of Proper Helmsman Maintenance: Genetic Material Collection", an instructional video which may or may not star his ancestor and the legendary Psiioniic. He watches the video.

His body had grown, not quite to full adulthood, but close enough. With that came things that didn’t quite add up for the young boy stuck living in it.

Troy and Abed move in together on August 15th, but Abed doesn't really get a sense for the pattern until late September.

your tags are rude and i am upset (yes please cam stiles blowing himself hello) - winterkiss

GDI BECKY HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUNCTION But yes Stiles totally does this.

Krypto likes to take care of Kon as much as Kon likes to take care of Krypto. When Kon is hungry, Krypto fetches him food. When Kon is sleepy, Krypto fetches him blankets. And when Kon is horny, Krypto fetches him Tim. Which leaves Kon the not-so-fun job of awkwardly explaining to Red Robin why he's been dragged to Smallville in the middle of the night by a well-meaning superdog.

"Hey, Birdboy, what're you wearing?"

There's something different about the weight of these eyes. Something that makes Jason sit up and take notice.

Derek works at a porn store. One day, Stiles comes in asking all sorts of TMI questions about different toys. That's where it all starts.

kchanlp: NaruSasu + Itachi. Maybe hipster? In which big brother has to teach Sasuke how he should first and foremost close the goddamn door when his goddamn boyfriend is in his room doing goddamn... things.

It’s not that Nitori’s into rough play – (Except that he really, really is) – but he’s found a fascination with Rin’s smile.

It takes Stiles four days to notice something’s wrong. Well it’s not like jerking off three times a day is unusual behavior. The third day, he has his usual good morning session, comes straight home from Lacrosse and jerks off without even taking off his jeans because it’s laundry day tomorrow and it’s not like he’s got standards. And everyone jerks off last thing at night; it’s like a glass of warm milk for your dick. Stiles has been hit by a jerking off curse. He might not make it through May unscathed.

Letting their guard down inside the TV was a stupid move, and now Souji has to try get things under control while Yosuke deals with the effects of a Shadow's new attack.

Jack's just taking pictures whenever he sees something worth photographing, something that seems to fit what he's being told in class, about line and shape and color and beauty. It's like the camera knew before Jack did.

Dorian rolls onto his side to face him, squinting in the mid-morning light. "You wanted to talk, last night. So talk." "Mm, not like this." Bull cracks his neck, stretches his free arm above his head. Dorian doesn't even pretend he's not watching the muscles shift in Bull's shoulder. "You don't talk about sex in bed."

"Since you got your powers, you've—" Cisco trails off, waving his hands vaguely. "What?" Cisco raises his eyebrows and waves his hands more pointedly toward his crotch. Barry feels his face heating up. "Cisco!" "I'm asking for science, dude!"

And with his fingers pressing inside of him and his cock brushing against the sheets and his face in the leather that smelled like Derek, he felt pathetic and desperate all at once. He knew that if he ever got the chance (the opportunity) to be with Derek that he’d ask him to fuck him within half a second. He wanted the older man inside of him and around him and all over him until his senses were so consumed that he was completely senseless. or The five times Stiles fingered himself and the one time Derek did it for him.

There are reasons he doesn't usually come down for the parties: people, mostly, and alcohol. But there's a reason he has, this time, and that reason made four dozen cookies earlier and is currently pressed up against his side.

Tony’s almost at the door of his lab when he hears it. It’s low, throaty; just a split second of a thing. But it’s undoubtedly the sound of Barnes moaning.

They'd never talked about sex in the year they'd known each other. Well, that wasn't quite correct: Sherlock had never said a word about sex; John had bemoaned his personal dearth of it on many occasions.

You really can buy anything on the internet.

Summary: read the tags. that’s it, that’s the story. Or: Dorian gets a tattoo of The Iron Bull's name on his arse. And is then tagged in a completely different way.

Karkat can match him at either end of his scale, balancing both highs and lows with this kind of frothing, incoherent fury that's...kind of attractive, in the right light. All that energy. All that drive.

Dave and Karkat have storytime with the trollmance novel. -If Dave isn’t going to get jolly over some fantasy troll getting eaten out, he is maybe going to get a little jolly over Karkat getting jolly over some fantasy troll getting eaten out.-

This is a mixfill of two prompts! Prompt 1: Jane/Equius - She's a classy blue heiress, he's probably resilient enough to survive surprise dominatrix mode, it could work. Prompt 2: Sharp dressed man, Equius Zahhak Gold watch, diamond ring I ain't missin' not a single thing And cufflinks, stick pin When I step out I'm gonna do you in They come runnin' just as fast as they can 'Cause every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man Equius Zahhak in some very nice clothes, getting undressed later by an interested party and preferably ridden hard to be put away wet. Possibly even at the party in some secluded alcove. C'mon, you know that the boy would be fiiiiiine in a tailored suit. And then it exploded on me and turned into an actual fic, god damn it. Stay tuned.

"But he had seen the eggs Sollux chose, plain white and faux-chitinous. They were only objects. He had seen no elaborate pulsing, vibrating tubes concealed around the hive, no geometric anomalies or live creatures in the egg jar, and with growing disbelief Karkat began to wonder if Sollux was inexplicably on the vanilla side of what was turning out to be an entire subculture of oviposition." Sollux picks up some jelly and a dozen eggs.

Care and fucking of your lispy bipolar nerd.

In a world where Omegas far outnumber Alphas, a dowry system is in place. The Omega’s family offers a dowry in order to secure a respectable Alpha match, with the highest dowries netting the “best” Alphas. Aunt May struggles to secure an Alpha for her Omega nephew’s first heat. All her meager savings can afford is a butt-ugly (by his own admission) Alpha without much experience to speak of. Peter would rather go unmated than lose his virginity to a guy that can’t go five seconds without making a Monty Python reference. However, it seems Peter has no choice…

Something strange happened to Wade. Well, something strange always happens to Wade. But this type of strange involves an alien ray, Wanda (aka Lady Deadpool), and some slight errors with his regeneration in another universe. Luckily, the Merc with the Mouth has an Ultimate Amazing boyfriend and a newly adopted sister/doppelganger to help him through. Or Deadpool is atomized, and comes back home with lady parts.

What happens in the lion stays in the lion. Shiro needs some down time, and the lion thinks he's too stubborn for his own good.

The thing is. People always assume it’s Yuuri who’s the submissive one. They’re completely wrong, all of them. “Victor,” Yuuri murmurs. “What did you do, nights before a big competition? You never got nervous energy you couldn’t work off?” “Well,” Victor says like he’s considering. “To tell you the truth, times like that, I would mostly jerk off," and that's enough to give Yuuri some ideas.

Conner has a very specific fantasy in mind. He wants Tim to watch, and Tim is more than glad to do so.

Yuuri gets sent a suspicious link. lol i thought you might like it, came the quick reply, Phichit obviously using his short trip back home to mess around on the internet all day instead of training. it got leaked earlier today but he doesn’t care. the guy retweeted the link to it lololol probably uploaded it himself.

Caught in the act of digging through the hall closet, presumably in his quest to find Zabuza, Gai spins, already beaming. “Yosh! Are you prepared for our day of challenges and manly combat?” For a long moment Zabuza stares at him. Then, carefully, he takes a deep breath and growls, “No. I have my own plans. I bought a massive dildo and I'm going to go stuff it up my ass until my arm gets tired. So unless you want to help me get off, you should fuck off.”

Qunari have a good sense of smell, and humans don't smell too bad. Dorian smells amazing.

The morning Eddie wakes up with his first hard-on in his post-Venom life, he finds himself at a bit of a loss. -- Learning to get sexy with your symbiote.

When Venom was quiet, and when he wasn’t shooting giant fucking tentacles out of Eddie’s body, Eddie couldn’t much feel his presence. Occasionally there was a flicker of something: of anger, of hunger. Right now there was nothing. So maybe Eddie had pissed him off. Or—and this was a thought that Eddie had not had before—perhaps he had hurt Venom’s feelings. He lay there, staring at the ceiling and listening to the couple banging next door. She was making a lot of noise. The blood came up his neck and face a little. And then a little more, now he knew that Venom would be able to feel it too.