Arson Clinic engages in a nerdy rap battle with Lil Cal while stagehand Karkat smokes in an alley behind the venue and hates life. Meanwhile, homeless punk John Egbert goes on a quest for a little rubber alien.... AND THEN THEY ALL ROCK.

CG: I'VE SPENT ALL AFTERMIDNIGHT PACING UP AND DOWN MY NEW BLOCK IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN'T YET PACED MY WAY TROUGH THE WHOLE SHIP IS THAT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING ERIDAN. CG: WHADDYA THINK OF A CAPE? DOUCHEY, RIGHT? CT: D--> I would most strenuously advise against it. It would only obstruct the sharp lines guiding the eye to the waist of your exquisitely tailored jacket. CG: YEAH, I LIKE HOW THE JACKET CUTS SHORT RIGHT OVER THE TIGHTEST WHITE PANTS KNOWN TO TROLLKIND TOO. BE A SHAME TO HIDE THAT. CT: D--> That wasn't CT: D--> I mean CT: D--> I was merely admiring the craftsmanship. CG: YEAH, THAT KIND OF SKILL IS WORTH BEING ADMIRED. I SWEAR TO FUCK THERE'S AN ASS-LIFTING TRICK SEWN RIGHT IN. BUTT-WONDERBRA. MY TUSH IS ALREADY PRETTY GOOD USUALLY BUT DEAR LORD, *I'D* DO ME.

wherein rhaegar wins the war, and jaime manages to keep his head by taking a stark for a wife; or five times jaime lannister braved his marriage and the one time he was brave for its sake

You try to dress nice. How do you dress nice for a sex club? You have no fucking idea. But you've got the greaser cool guy look down pretty good, and you think it works for you. You wear your tightest t-shirt. You spend like fifteen minutes in front of the bedroom mirror trying to decide which pair of jeans is the most flattering for your glutes. This is your chance.

In which Tim is the Witch, Jason was supposed to be the debt but turns out to be Red Hood, and there are shenanigans because life isn't that great when your mom was Janet Drake. A series in which fairytales collide to make life awkward and horrible. (Tim the witch, Jason as Rapunzel turned witch-hunter, and more to be added along the way.)

Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no husband and bear no children. I shall wear no gowns and no jewels. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life's blood to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come. -The Sisterhood of the Night's Watch

You really can buy anything on the internet.

The sign, standing unassuming outside the Grand Line Coffee Shop in a handwriting Sanji recognizes as Usopp’s, says: TODAY YOUR BARISTA IS: 1. Hella fucking gay. 2. Desperately single. FOR YOUR DRINK TODAY I’D RECOMMEND: You give me your number. Or, the one coffee shop au where Usopp pulls a prank, Sanji is unexpectedly (read: completely unexpected to him and only him) popular among the male population of their campus, and Zoro just wants to grab a coffee.

What do you get for the girl who already has everything and really doesn't want to marry you? A kidnapping, apparently. No, that doesn't actually make any sense, but as The Iron Bull is about to find out, Dorian Pavus and Livia Herathinos don't appear to actually consider themselves bound by the rules of common sense. Isabela just can't believe someone's actually paying her for this. Lucky!

Kurama just wants to finish his nap in peace. A particularly idiotic human is making that rather hard.

For this ask on my Tumblr: IM IMAGINING THE WRITING THING AS MADATOBI NOW?? IMAGINE!! secret letters between enemy clans. tiny stick figure drawings of hashirama doing something stupid. instructions for a new jutsu. the possibilities are ENDLESS (Aka that soulmate AU where if you write something on your skin it also shows on the other’s.)

Love is a weapon brought to bear. Love is blood spilled without remorse, and a kiss that’s so sweet they can ignore the taste of copper underneath.

No one in their right minds would ever expect it of him, and that’s why he’s the one best-suited to the job.

“You know what I am?” Kuroo asks. He’s not looking up at Kenma, instead concentrating too much on pushing his shirt up over his chest. …Shit, Kenma owes Shouyou a thousand yen. (( or: shouyou and kenma make a lot of bets, kenma meets a ridiculously handsome stranger, and a ridiculously handsome stranger treats kenma to a night he couldn't forget even if he wanted to. it's a good thing he doesn't. ))

“What’s the internet say about all this sexual tension?” Kuroo asks, and Kenma’s attention snaps back to the screen. “Nothing I didn’t see earlier. It should lessen over time, but it’s meant to cement the new bond between mated individuals. Through sex, I guess.” (( or: kenma must navigate his new and unwanted werewolf marriage with kuroo, and honestly, it would be a lot easier if they didn't get boners every time they made eye contact ))

“Well,” Stiles says, “if they’re going to hunt werewolves, I’m going to hunt them.” It’s a ridiculous statement from a ten-year-old, but he’s obviously one hundred percent sincere. For the first time since the fire, Peter feels life stir inside him, feels purpose. It’s kismet, clearly. He’ll never meet the child he would have had with Olivia. Instead he’s met this boy, this brilliant, determined, cynical child with a world of potential. Peter kneels down in front of him so they’re at eye level. “How do you feel about doing that together?”

For a prompt on my Tumblr: Playboy!Orochimaru who ends up with Single Dad!Sakumo in the end. No understands what happened.

Sentinel, Genma thinks, and it’s not really a surprise—the Shiranui Clan have always produced about equal numbers of Guides and Sentinels—but… Guide, something in him whispers, and it’s desperate, grasping, clinging to the beat of the man’s heart. Guide, Guide, Guide, and Genma breathes him in, feels the stirring deep in his soul that tastes of old things and instincts and wants to reach—

Pete is a divorced Elvis impersonator at a Las Vegas wedding chapel, who’s stopped believing in happy endings. Patrick hasn’t, but then again, he’s there to marry Bob.

“Where are we even going?” Mikoto demands.

There's something moving in the depths of the armory.

in which Jaime has A Very Sound Plan when it comes to his family's objections to his marriage with Brienne.

Arya likes the way things are with her soulmate—playing softball in dreams, talking about nothing and everything. But it still feels like cheating when she dreams of Gendry.

Wei Wuxian meets his soulmate when they reach for the same bunch of daffodils at the local bodega. Too bad he immediately puts his foot in his mouth. How can he repair the damage and convince this beautiful man to date him? Let the group text conversation begin! (for the 50 Meetcutes meme - You reach for the same bouquet in a flower shop)

After the dramatic bodega courtship saga, our favorite duo finally have a date scheduled. Naturally, the rest of the squad needs to weigh in on the first-date preparations. And during the date itself, the group chat discussion is hot and heavy! (Sequel to 'Bodega Love')

This has to count as some sort of sexual harassment, right? It’s got to be his idea of a joke, to subject Jiang Cheng to this “massage parlor”…! Massage parlor Jiang Cheng’s left buttcheek, this place is clearly sketchy as hell! If his masseuse doesn’t ask him if he wants a “happy ending” tonight, Jiang Cheng will gladly eat his shoe. -- Jiang Cheng has a Happy Ending

“Something happened at the Lotus Pier.” “Oh? What does Fengmian have to say?” “Nothing,” Wei Changze said, and that’s when Cangse Sanren noticed that her husband was an unhealthy shade of pale. “He’s – he’s dead.” “What?” She snatched the letter away from him. “What – him and Yu Ziyuan both? Impossible! They’re – they’re sect leaders. Of a Great Sect! What happened?”

Huaisang pulls against the heavy, taut drape of the hanfu’s collar and the layers underneath, revealing barely a triangle of his pale clavicle and shoulder as he fans himself from the heat. It’s a tantalizing strip of skin, and before Mingjue can drag his eyes away, the glint of silver catches his gaze. Is that - ? Mingjue only gets a glimpse. Nestled between Huaisang’s skin and the gauzy white inner robe, there’s a strip of silver-black. A strap. A - a bra strap. It burns at the back of his mind for hours, like an ember in the dark, a glow he can see even with his eyes closed. What is Huaisang hiding, underneath all those layers?

By everyone’s agreement (except his own), Wen Ning was the sect leader. Of course, practically speaking, Nie Mingjue actually ran everything; he was the one with the experience in it, after all, and he claimed he was no good at teaching, which was the other thing they generally did. Other than, you know, the whole...fierce corpse thing.

Meng Yao had spent years not thinking of Jin Zixuan as anything other than an obstacle in the way of his ultimate goal – his father’s recognition, himself as the heir and eventual master of Lanling Jin – and he bitterly resented Wen Ruohan for trashing all that effort. It was impossible to think that way with Jin Zixuan shivering in front of him, chained down to the floor of the palace within the Nightless City. And yet, it was equally impossible to act to save him - Or was it?

Obi-Wan went over thirty years without a heat. It was hardly unusual or unexpected. Everyone knew omega reproductive systems were finicky. Omegas were incredibly fertile while in heat. Nature had, perhaps, compensated for the situation by ensuring they only went into heat when...conditions were correct. OR, the Dark Side AU where the Empire is already in power, the Jedi are long gone, and Obi-Wan Kenobi ends up leading an army to wipe out the Emperor's enemies. Things get more complicated when he goes into heat.

“This planet,” Mace says quietly, “is not a place that was meant for you.” Kix doesn’t move from where he’s sitting, just watches the shadows shift and shiver as the trees stir around them. There's no wind, just the steady rumble of thunder above them, the flickers of the lightning, and hiss of leaves and stems and branches moving on their own, bending away from the violet glow of Mace's lightsaber, the muddy hem of his robes. “I think it suits me just fine,” Kix says, and it’s soft because he doesn’t need to shout. There are better ways of being angry right now.

When Thorn convinced Fox to start playing his favorite MMO, Fox expected to get bored of it after a few days. Instead, months later, Fox was deeply invested in the catgirl character he'd created, and it might just make him realize some things about himself.