Shortly after Arthur is resurrected in the 21st century, he finds Merlin's vibrator. That's it. That's the plot.

Dorian isn't interested. What a silly idea.

Honestly you don't give two shits what the kid looks like. Your audience will go for it even if you get someone who got beaten half to death with the troll ugly stick. The picture loads. You're going to make so much alien fetish money you're going to have to hire somebody to build a swimming pool on the roof, just so you can fill it with sleazy intergalactic flesh trade dollars and roll around in it like an asshole.

Eridan's right. This guy is so bangable, and you're going to be the one to do it. ...just as soon as you can manage to make that whole 'words' thing work again.

“Look at you,” Shisui says admiringly, rocking back on his heels and surveying his prize. Sequel to 'if you can find that leap of faith', but entirely plotless.

Short fics originally posted to my Tumblr, edited and collected here.

No one would help him get to the bottom of Kerberos, and it had all reached a breaking point when Iverson threatened to terminate Keith’s scholarship if he kept snooping. So Keith got what he came for, the little black book no one was ever meant to find, and stopped snooping. Because now, he’ll have someone else to do all the snooping for him. The situation isn’t ideal, Keith thinks as he slits his palm open and methodically draws the pentagram on the floor, placing the necessary items one by one into each point of the star. But considering the circumstances, he thinks he’s done alright for himself. More importantly, for Shiro.

Parker and Hardison figure out how to take their relationship to the next level, with occasional input from Eliot.

If Tang Fan believed Sui Zhou harbored any amorous intent towards him, well, to put it mildly, Sui Zhou wouldn’t need to lace his tea with any aphrodisiacs.

Wei Ying might be an alpha but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to get fucked and knotted sometimes, okay? So, after buying herself a knotting dildo, she sets out to make her dreams come true. Unfortunately, the dildo gets a little... stuck... Luckily, her roommate, Lan Zhan, is home to lend a helping hand!

Percy has a problem. Annabeth wouldn't help him. All his other brief girlfriends or one night stands wouldn't help him. Luckily, his bro Jason is willing to step up to the plate and ensure that Percy is having all of his needs met.

Jonny’s prostate is a gift from the gods. Patrick’s patience, also.

Jamie accidentally discovers Tyler's profile on JizzHands.com. A situation develops.

Andrew and Neil switching phones by accident brings them closer together than either of them anticipated.

“I don’t have a small dick, idiot,” Alex openly laughed, a stark contrast to Henry’s quiet, reserved chuckle, “I have no dick.” Henry stared at him for a moment and Alex just looked back at him, taking a sip of his drink. “Funny,” he said with a flat voice, indicating that he did not, in any way, find it funny. “Well,” Alex moved to clarify, tilting his head to the side for just a moment, “I supposed I do. But it’s currently tucked away in my hotel room. And I’m not sure if you count t-dicks in what you’re referring to.” “I… don’t know what that means.” Alex laughed again, shaking his head this time, “Of course you don’t.” “Shall I google it?” And Alex couldn’t help but egg him on. “Oh, definitely. When this event is over, you should open up your laptop, pull up that special website you go to for your alone time and type ‘T-Dicks’ into the search bar. I promise it won’t disappoint.” OR Henry does as Alex suggests... and Alex is obsessed with how Henry looks when he falls apart. Lots of sex ensues.

Sam and Dean have always been oddities among the dragonriders; the youngest man to Impress a Bronze dragon in a hundred years and a boy who turned his back on the riders to become a dragon healer instead. But when fate steps in and chooses a far different path for Sam, the brothers and all the Weyrs of Pern will have to come to terms with much greater changes in their traditions.

When signs of a blackmarket organ trafficker floats up in Gotham Harbor, Jason and Tim find out that the victims had one thing in common: they both worked at a gay strip club. Determined to root out the traffickers, both decide to go undercover to solve the case. The only problem? Neither knows the other is working the case.

Damian has never experienced sexual attraction in the way a majority of the populace does, but he's never been one to let himself miss out on anything. He's also not someone who has any interest in having another person touch him. The solution? Simply doing it himself.