Homo sapiens domesticus Humans (Homo sapiens domesticus) are short-lived primates of the family Hominidae, and the only existant species of the genus Homo. They originated in Africa, and spread to other continents of planet Earth within a megavorn. While fractious and warlike in their wild state, they are easily trained to a useful function.

In a near canon world where orientation refers to dominance or submission, not sexuality, almost everyone has a soulmate that is supposed to complement their personality, biology, orientation and heart. Most people look forward to the day when the psionic bond sparks into existence, connecting them to their other halves. However, a trauma left Bob wanting anything but the bond he sees as a dangerous trap, and he takes matters in his own hands to chemically prevent his bond from effecting him. Patrick doesn't know what he did wrong but he knows that for some reason, his soulmate has rejected him and he has to learn to live with that. Between their pasts, their bands, and their hopes, neither of them expects end up where they do - so close with so much distance still between them.

"a fic where derek earnestly reviews sex toys"

Derek works at a porn store. One day, Stiles comes in asking all sorts of TMI questions about different toys. That's where it all starts.

kchanlp: NaruSasu + Itachi. Maybe hipster? In which big brother has to teach Sasuke how he should first and foremost close the goddamn door when his goddamn boyfriend is in his room doing goddamn... things.

One of Stiles' goals for Thanksgiving weekend is to take advantage of the privacy away from his crowded dorm rooms to get to know his new vibrator. He gets, uh, stuck. Deputy Derek Hale assists.

AVN BREAKING NEWS-- DIAMOND VISTA RIDGE BREAKS HIS CONTRACT WITH HALE HOUSE "We haven't seen much of our favorite rock hard stud from Hale House ever since that indie twink dethroned him as champion in Orgasm Wars, but it's just been confirmed that Diamond will no longer be working for the legendary studio famous for producing some of our favorite werewolf-on-human works. Don't fret, Diamond fans, it looks like he's been spotted cozying up to True Alpha Studios! Apparently he couldn't get enough of that one human and then followed him home. Could it be true love? Keep your eye on this studio-- us at AVN think we're about to get a lot more of Diamond in a very new way!" ~ The one in which (almost) everyone is a porn star, and Derek just wants to curl up with his fluffy blanket and watch the Hallmark channel, but work and falling in love gets in the way.

You really can buy anything on the internet.

Summary: read the tags. that’s it, that’s the story. Or: Dorian gets a tattoo of The Iron Bull's name on his arse. And is then tagged in a completely different way.

Contains Pail-Free Xenosexual Relationships Between a Male Mutant Troll and Male Human for the Purpose of Exhibitionistic Sexual Gratification, Polyquadranted Individuals Presented in a Neutral or Positive Way, and Puppets Used in Several Perverted Ways, One of Those Puppets Depicting a Rad as Fuck Big-Nosed Allusion to Our Glorious Empress, Which She in Her Wisdom Has Allowed to Keep Existing Because Damn Straig)(t I Got Da Biggest One.

Eridan's right. This guy is so bangable, and you're going to be the one to do it. ...just as soon as you can manage to make that whole 'words' thing work again.

One might think that after spending six years serving as a Galaxy Garrison senior officer, leading dozens of dangerous missions into enemy territory, personally overseeing the deaths of Zarkon’s highest generals, and getting his arm blown off only to be replaced by a weaponized prosthetic against his will, Shiro would be prepared for anything the Universe threw at him. He was not prepared for Keith and Lance.

“What’s the internet say about all this sexual tension?” Kuroo asks, and Kenma’s attention snaps back to the screen. “Nothing I didn’t see earlier. It should lessen over time, but it’s meant to cement the new bond between mated individuals. Through sex, I guess.” (( or: kenma must navigate his new and unwanted werewolf marriage with kuroo, and honestly, it would be a lot easier if they didn't get boners every time they made eye contact ))

Their first date is objectively pretty great. But later, when Bucky comes after Steve slides inside him and slaps him on the ass, Steve knows this is going to be fun.

Of all the wonderful things to come out of peace talks, Tobirama relishes Izuna's jealousy the most.

Short fics originally posted to my Tumblr, edited and collected here.

Noctis Lucis Caelum is evil, and he loves it when Prompto's body is a slave to his music.

No one would help him get to the bottom of Kerberos, and it had all reached a breaking point when Iverson threatened to terminate Keith’s scholarship if he kept snooping. So Keith got what he came for, the little black book no one was ever meant to find, and stopped snooping. Because now, he’ll have someone else to do all the snooping for him. The situation isn’t ideal, Keith thinks as he slits his palm open and methodically draws the pentagram on the floor, placing the necessary items one by one into each point of the star. But considering the circumstances, he thinks he’s done alright for himself. More importantly, for Shiro.

Irrationally, he feels like he’s been caught. But Jiang Yanli knows. She’s known for a while; she knew even before he himself knew. But they’ve never - they’ve never actually talked about it, let alone… this. Whatever this is. Is he a bad husband? He feels like he should be, but Jiang Yanli isn't upset at him for it. If anything she's - she keeps pushing him toward Wen Ning, making excuses for Wen Ning to spend more time with them, and more bewilderingly, with him. He doesn’t get it, but he’s grateful - grateful that she loves him and trusts him like this, that she’s so unbothered by his... His odd, misplaced attraction to their flatmate. -- A companion piece/alternate POV for the first scene in Soft touch, soft heart by Verse.

Xiao Xingchen’s hip jerked toward the wand, but against the wide fix of the spreader bar between his knees, he had little leverage. Song Lan just moved the wand with him.

This has to count as some sort of sexual harassment, right? It’s got to be his idea of a joke, to subject Jiang Cheng to this “massage parlor”…! Massage parlor Jiang Cheng’s left buttcheek, this place is clearly sketchy as hell! If his masseuse doesn’t ask him if he wants a “happy ending” tonight, Jiang Cheng will gladly eat his shoe. -- Jiang Cheng has a Happy Ending

Jiang Cheng has been told that anal sex is a great; however, he doesn't know quite how to go about doing that. Nie Huaisang, dutiful as always in his role as best friend, helps him figure it out. (And then helps him figure out something else, too.)

Xiao Zhan has a side hustle he doesn’t want anyone to know about it. He’s building up a big stream following as a femboy, and his stream chat community is pushing to see someone touching him and giving him a good time. Wang Yibo is the only friend who knows—he helped him set up his stream—and the last person Xiao Zhan would consider asking to join him for the kinds of sex acts his stream wants to see. Yibo has a lot of opinions about that.

Lan Wangji is going to die. Lan Wangji is going to die, and it isn’t even a hyperbole; she is entirely ready to collapse in her seat like a marionette with its strings cut off. The vibrator inside her pulses, and Lan Wangji can barely stop herself from lurching forward and letting out a loud groan. She resists a glance at the row of seats behind her; she knows that Wei Ying is there, watching, and she isn’t entirely sure she isn’t going to come at the sight of Wei Ying’s lazy little smirk. Truly—the things Wei Ying has made her do—shameless. (or; Lan Wangji wears a vibrator to class at the behest of her fuckbuddy Wei Ying, and it ends up a lot hotter and more emotional for both of them.)

Nie Huaisang sends a video of his invention into the groupchat: “houston, we have a live one.” Mo Xuanyu replies within a split of a second: “omg, wig. can i make you a website to livestream?” or kinky twink gets buttplug hooked to twitter live data for science!

Mingjue has been working too much, so Huaisang brings him lunch and a special surprise. Huaisang's motives aren't entirely altruistic...

“It is fair.” Tang Fan says decisively, getting up, heading to the bedroom. “While I think about what kind of purchase that could make you act like this, you can think about whether it is worth keeping a secret.” or Sui Zhou goes on Tao/bao

If he hadn't seen a vibrating butt plug on top of the stack of "absolutely mission critical clothes" Wang Zhi had left for him, Sui Zhou would have dismissed the faint buzzing as a phone vibrating, and Tang Fan's look of shock as a surprising bite of food. It's not. He is definitely wearing a vibrating butt plug and it definitely just turned on. Sui Zhou is not sure what to do with this information.

“You were watching me,” the kid says, in a soft colorless voice. It could be a threat if it wanted to be, easily, but in that tone it’s just a statement of fact. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s the first time anyone’s ever looked at you,” Baiyi says. He sips his drink. “You must not get any attention in that outfit.” The corner of the kid’s red mouth quirks up. “I’m sure you get attention in those,” he says.

Xue Yang's pretty sure that he could be a better girlfriend to Song Lan than whoever the fuck he's actually dating. Like, pretty sure. Almost certain. (xue yang and song lan go to the same gym, and xue yang has never been good at resisting temptation)

Having a crush on your roommate is really embarrassing, except that's apparently the opposite of a problem. Jiang Cheng can't deny that's pretty convenient. Wei Ying holds it up, a series of straps and buckles and velcro and wow, really a lot of leather. It has absolutely no conceivable form beyond tangled. Nie Huaisang opens the door at exactly the moment that Wei Ying holds the thing up to Jiang Cheng’s chest, as if he’s trying to imagine how exactly it would fit onto a person, and it falls into a tangled pile between them while they stare at Huaisang in mild mortification.

Wei Ying might be an alpha but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to get fucked and knotted sometimes, okay? So, after buying herself a knotting dildo, she sets out to make her dreams come true. Unfortunately, the dildo gets a little... stuck... Luckily, her roommate, Lan Zhan, is home to lend a helping hand!

Jonny's heat comes early and unexpectedly strong. Pat is there, on the other side of the locked door, to help him through it.

Geno is ready to make the transition from his kink.com men in bondage subscription to real life.

Kaminari is going through a messy divorce, which has led to sending transcripts of his texts with his ex to his attorney. Shinsou is the attorney’s legal assistant, who has to go through said transcripts and black out all the explicit pictures before they can appear as exhibits in court. Reading through the sexts though, and they are GRAPHIC, Hitoshi starts to agree with the ex: he ALSO wants to ‘come on Denki’s tits’ and ‘shove his cock so far down Denki’s throat he’s coming directly into his stomach’.

Zoro would thank Luffy for introducing him to Law all those months back, if he ever dared to tell him why in the first place that is, but their mutual friend didn't have to know what kind of relationship they had developed. Only him and Law would ever know what happened behind that door everytime Zoro would visit. (or Law and Zoro having a rough session in the BDSM room)

Andrew and Neil switching phones by accident brings them closer together than either of them anticipated.

Sex and feelings and Neil Josten in the middle. In both sexy and unsexy ways.

“Can I help you pick something?” Andrew turned, ready to say no thank you and instead froze in place, the purple vibrator held chest height between him and the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen. The tag on his floral shirt read Good Vibrations and just underneath that, Neil. Neil stood there all open and relaxed, a gentle curve of pink lips, unruly auburn hair hovering over sparkling blue eyes. Andrew’s mouth snapped shut. He put the box carefully back on the shelf and walked out of the store without a word.

Henry had a secret. It wasn't some world-ending secret that would get him shunned from society or abandoned by all his friends, but it was a secret nonetheless. Erotica. It was his guilty pleasure. His hobby. Books full of lewd words and mouth-watering phrases that made his hand press down against the front of his slacks and brought his bottom lip between his teeth. It was his porn, his thing. He liked the imagination, liked the way the words twisted on the page and that it didn't need to be realistic because you didn't need to watch it happen. He let his mind conjure up the images as his eyes scanned the text. OR Alex finds Henry's erotica...

“How long has it been since someone else made you cum?” Alex asked, his head tilted to the side, cutting Henry off when he began to open his mouth, “That doesn’t include you having to touch yourself or having… Mechanical help.” Henry winced at that, the vivid memory of Alex sheepishly knocking on his door and relaying that he could, in fact, hear the loud, incessant buzzing of Henry's vibrator from his room across the hall flashing through his head, “I don't know. Maybe like… Fuck, maybe never?” Alex’s eyes widened for a second, his mouth opening and closing like he couldn't find the words, “Are you kidding?” OR Henry is trans and has quite literally never had a good lay in his life... Alex is completely and utterly in love with him and certainly eager to help.

“𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐶𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛! 𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑠𝑢𝑏𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑒𝑛𝑗𝑜𝑦 𝑡𝑜𝑑𝑎𝑦’𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚! ;)”

Bakugou Katsuki is a camboy trying to make ends meet after he suddenly lost his job and most of his hearing. Touya's just looking for a good time.

Zoro would thank Luffy for introducing him to Law all those months back, if he ever dared to tell him why in the first place that is, but their mutual friend didn't have to know what kind of relationship they had developed. Only him and Law would ever know what happened behind that door everytime Zoro would visit. (or Law and Zoro having a rough session in the BDSM room)

Facebook. Three and a half years after he first set eyes on Jared Padalecki and felt some integral part of his brain melt, Jensen finds out that Jared is into guys. Through Facebook.