After three years out of contact, John and Karkat can finally talk again. The conversation doesn't go quite the way they were expecting. Now the three weeks it will take the golden ship to match velocities with the asteroid seem like three million. Why are the laws of physics so unkind to desperate teenaged boys? [an antidote to sadstuck! if this is not the fluffiest, most sentimental xenoporn ever written, i will eat my writekind specibus.]

Those fucking humans. You remember. They won. They won everything. They even won you. Won all of you back from your dead-end fucking universe and took you with them into their reality-spraining victory. Cheating nookstains didn’t even fight; they won by ‘shenanigans’, that peculiarly human trick of winning-by-not-playing. And in that inside-out, backwards way of theirs, they never even considered keeping all the spoils for themselves.

Three years on an asteroid makes for a lot of hanging out to do, and it's during one of these hang outs that Terezi discovers Dave's photo album. It takes a little convincing, but soon Dave is taking her on a trip down his particular Memory Lane.

In which a mutant too famous to cull is dropped like a grenade into the midst of the peace process, a foolish monarch proves himself secretly shrewd, the power of friendship functions as a force multiplier, and it is discovered that in the Great Game of espionage, the dealer does not always win.

John and Vriska wake up in bed together after a party. Can their bropalship survive in the wake of alcohol and hormones?

You lose your pale virginity to John Egbert at a Gamzee Makara party.

Twelve kids. Four trolls. Twelve guardians, four ancestors, one doloros, four lusii, seventeen lands, one megaplanet, one session, one two three one team. One more chance to win.

TT: Sometimes I've gotta go round her up from some godforsaken cranny of the abyss. Drag her tipsy ass home, tuck her back in. A few instances of Dirk taking care of Roxy while she's half-awake on Derse.

They don't have a lot, but at least they have this, whatever it is.

He walks like a cat who has tape on his paws, and has had tape on his paws for a very long time, and who never expects to ever again walk without scrunching miserably from side to side in a tangle of self-loathing and confusion. It hurts to look at him, but it hurts more not to.

Your name is ROXY LALONDE, and you think that your mother hates you.

What so many of the others don't understand is that Gamzee's as pale for Karkat as Karkat is for Gamzee. Fuck, he's pretty sure he was pale for Karkat before Karkat fell for him, because Karkat's always been a tightly-wound bundle of nerves and anger and fear, just barely held together with an iron self-control that's nothing if not a miracle. Rating for Kar and Gamz's attatchment to certain words, and for themes of self-harm.

The kids and remaining trolls stop by Jane Crocker's house to meet up with the new players and end up getting more than they bargained for when she realizes how much they could use some time to recuperate.

Terezi Pyrope is a Neophyte Legislacerator looking to lease an administrative assistant. She was not expecting to find Dave Strider, a secretarial asset with a sense of integrity as strong as her own. Dave Strider is a secretarial asset with "personality problems" that would have gotten him culled if not for his otherwise exemplary administrative abilities. He finds himself drawn into the quadrants of the would-be social reformer who leased him. He finds he is surprisingly Okay with this. Both their lives become interesting (in the curse sense) when the Heiress retains Pyrope and her team.

In a discarded reality, a clown once made a promise to a poet. But trapped in the Veil with a vicious subjugglator, his life rewritten and his team falling apart, can Karkat Vantas find his way along a path marked by dreams he can never remember?

Your wriggling day is in three days, and while you normally celebrate this event with the apathy it deserves, this particular sweep is different. That’s because it will be your eighth sweep, and it happens to coincide with the arrival of the imperial drones. This is a milestone that every troll looks forward to with a heady combination of excitement and terror. For most trolls, when they reach their eighth sweep, they become adults. Not you. When you reach your eighth sweep, you will die.

In which all of Gamzee's complicated relationships, with his lusus, with sopor and with Karkat, come to a head.

Karkat introduces Dave to some of his quality literature; Dave is more ok with this than he expected to be.

In Which Many Canon Events Are Told In Summary Form For Reasons of Already Ridiculous Length, Issues of Gender and Sexuality Are Discussed Quite Often, Tavros Does Not Want To Grow Up, And Everything Ends Happily, Featuring Several Instances of Vriska, One Explicit Moiraillegiance Scene and Implications Of Another Off-Screen, Numerous Chatlogs, One Memo, Troubling Language From Several Sources Including Karkat Vantas, Three Piles, A Scene of Nonconsensual Amputation, Many Conflicted Feelings, A Resolution of Questionable Red Feelings, and One Non-Explicit Educational Flashing Over Webcam.

It's a whirlwind pale romance, unbelievable even by Troll Hollywood standards.

["Dude," Jonny says. "You don't need to tell my girlfriend about the like seven times total we hooked up."] Lindsey is mistaken, Jonny is confused, and Kaner is uninformed (but has talked all of this out with his girlfriend like sensible people do).

You haven't ever felt bad to pail a brother or sister before, but for some reason you look down on his strange, angry, nubby-horned little face and it hurts inside you, hurts like a motherfucker. In a universe where the hemospectrum is long-abolished but never forgotten and the descendants of ancient rebels are looked to as the leaders, a tired purple-blood drowning in his drugs find a lonely mutant on the run from his bloodline, in the wrong place, for all the wrong reasons. Series

No SGRUB AU, post successful coup, following Eridan Ampora's attempts to make up for being "The Greatest Douchecanoe In The Galaxy" as he finds himself stuck with a bunch of midbloods and fighting to survive such odds as "Oh Shit, It's Drone Season And I Ain't Got Neither A Matesprit Nor A Kismesis". Featuring Karkat "Fix Your Fucking Shit Before I Fix It For You" Vantas reprising his role of the scariest motherfucker this side of the galaxy. Also gills, piercings, and piercings in gills. Also, also sex.

cnihtofrage asked: I know you wrote at least one sequel to Amateur Palemates, but think I remember another one where Sollux figures out what's going on? two of them actually, one of them just actual pale exhibitionism treated seriously, and one of them ashen by way of pale exhib; they’re forever WIP that i posted teasers for in several places, but i never found a satisfying conclusion. here’s all i’ve got, you can see the ashen one has a clumsy POV and starts to meander toward the end and i don’t know where the fuck i’m leading it. i do like a lot of the dialogue quite a bit though.

Wherein, Having Beaten A Game, All Players Are Taken Back To The Same, Worst Available Universe, With Species Changes To Match For Those Who Did Not Match Beforehand. In short: You're all trolls now, welcome to Alternia.

Remember the first time Kanaya cut Karkat's hair?

Dave says, bouncing his heel on your thigh for attention, “Are you drunk? Holy shit, are you— like, are you tripping out? Did Rose just roofie you with her pretentious fuckin’ leaf water? Oh my god.” “Oh my god,” Rose repeats, and colors brilliantly across her cheeks, blood coursing bright and close under her skin.

“You ready?” you ask, and the most important human in the galaxy sticks her tongue out at you. Several of your organs do a giddy flip. Then the knot is tied and that’s it, you’re moirails.

You can't control your lungs. It's ridiculous, this is just a bit of rope, you could bite or claw through it if you tried hard enough (no you couldn't, he's too good at this.)

CG: ANYWAY, I’VE BEEN TALKING TO HIM ABOUT SOME STUFF BECAUSE IT’S MARGINALLY BETTER THAN SPEWING IT INTO THE SCORCHED WASTELAND THAT IS THE NOOKSCRAPING MEMO SYSTEM. CG: AND THEN HE SAYS STUFF AND IT KIND OF. CG: MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. GA: That Does Sound Upsetting GA: I Can See Why You Came To Me Karkat and Dave stumble into moirallegiance.

“Ith not,” you stutter, glaring at your hands. “M’ Noth a-a freak,” you squint at your shaking fingers, trying to make a spark, to catch a glimpse of either red or blue. There’s nothing.

In which Karkat frets about everything and is definitely not avoiding his moirail.