Anonymous asked: Dave/Karkat/Jade urban fantasy. Dave is a vampire, Jade is a werewolf, and Karkat is so done with all this supernatural bullshit. (not super urban hahaha)

CG: BY THE WAY. CG: I SERIOUSLY HOPE YOU HAVE NOT A) DRAGGED ME INTO SOME VAMPIRES/WEREWOLVES OR VAMPIRES/HUNTERS WAR, AND B) FORGOTTEN I MIGHT CARE TO BE TOLD IF YOU WERE AT WAR WITH ANY ASSHOLES OUT HERE AND *IN DEATHLY DANGER.*

The youngest was the fairest of all, and her name was Beauty. Beauty only came out at night.

Steve has some unique needs now that he's a super soldier. (Vampire AU.)

"Okay," you say, your mouth dry, "okay. What the fuck is this supposed to be?" Bro smirks at you from the couch. "Dessert," he says. His eyes glow through the douchebag shades he took off some kid you guys ate last month. He pets John's hair absently and John does nothing, a puppet whose strings aren't getting pulled. "Can't tell me you don't want him, kiddo."

He felt like the naked girl who'd just been a white wolf and the half-naked guy who'd just been a mangled corpse dragged into his barn by a wolf completely deserved his screaming. The ~magical~ turd-licking fence-fuckers masquerading as his classmates had been sneak-flirting with him for weeks. "Is my life actually a shitty supernatural romance?! Am I going to develop more special than you powers that somehow never matter half as much as who I fuck? Am I supposed to arbitrate your little game of which one of you is the sexiest alpha male by gracing them with my boy cooch?" -- now with sequel pesterlog silliness.

“First thing is simple, I’m going to feel your pulse points, see where’s going to be best for me to sink my teeth in.” Brian laughs a little. Pat thinks it would be villainous, if someone else said that. Or... the friendly vampire!au no one asked for.

I like to daydream about Mustang and Ed's stupid adventures in diplomacy after they've taken control of the country. Emphasis on stupid. Ed is trans because 1) because and 2) silentwalrus' headcanons have seeped into the groundwater at this point.

Roy - thanks to a series of events going exponentially FUBAR - is in Dazhen. He wasn’t due back for another three months, but given that he wasn’t supposed to become a fucking vampire for another eighteen or so either, it’s safe to say that scheduling concerns are not his first priority.

Everyone knows Zhenya got the bite too early. Zhenya knows it most of all.

Nicky wanted a family. He wanted a family very much, but not like this.

The first time Connor sees him, in person, he’s wearing a backwards hat and holding a Frappuccino. He looks eighteen and very much not like a member of the undead.

This person was panting, his shoulders heaving violently as his eyes scanned the room for more threats. His hands were tensed like weapons, hooked black talons extended through his gloves, ready to rip and tear. That was the first indicator that something was truly wrong. Hawks would never willingly use his “unsightly” talons as weapons. The second was that his mouth... his mouth was covered in blood. It streamed down his chin, flecked at the corners of his lips, and coated two large fangs that he had most definitely not possessed at the start of the fight. He bared them at Dabi in a savage hiss. They were long, at least a full inch, and the sight of them awakened some ancient nervous instinct within him, telling him to run or fight, because the creature in front of him was a predator, and it was hungry. Most unnerving of all, though, were his eyes. The eyes that locked with Dabi’s were a startling crimson red, a far cry from their usual gold. Dabi’s breath caught in his throat. ~~~ The mission Dabi and Hawks are on goes south. Dabi learns something he was never meant to know.

Bringing the dead back to life never seems to go quite the way it should, and when Granta's dragged back into existence by his father, he's no different. Something is wrong, and something terrible is going to happen, but Xanatos refuses to acknowledge any flaws in his grand plan to seize power. The only ones who will listen are the clone troopers, who know a thing or two about being dead. But Granta's being torn between the father he's worshipped his whole life and the clone troopers who keep twisting him up into knots, and the only thing that can give is him.

Dabi narrows his eyes. "Alright. Let's say you don't die. You still have a limited amount of blood, and a lack of blood flow or oxygen to your brain could probably cause permanent damage that even your immortality can't repair." "I'll stop you before that happens," Hawks says, with way more confidence than he has any right to have. "You have zero self-preservation instincts," Dabi has to point out. Hawks grins at him, shooting him finger guns. "So we doing this, or what?" ~ Dabi is a vampire who's never had human blood straight from the tap before. Hawks is a dumbass college student cursed with immortality. What could go wrong?

After Neil runs his mouth on Kathy Ferdinand's show, he strikes a bargain with Andrew and finds out there's more to the monster than he originally thought.

Hunters live in a world of blood and darkness, so when Dean gets turned into a vampire, not much changes for the Winchester brothers. Well, except for being on the lam from a Hunter’s Guild that wants them dead, sneaking around the world of seedy underground monster bars and sketchy voodoo practitioners in search of a fabled ‘cure’ and the little fact that Dean can’t seem to stop himself from molesting his brother when he feeds (and sometimes when he doesn’t). But as the lines between what they were raised to be and what they are get blurrier, Sam and Dean will have to decide how high a price they are willing to pay for a life in the light and what they’re willing to do for one another.

"Timmers sucked me pregnant," Jason blurts, and Tim watches in morbid fascination as Bruce goes through the five stages of grief in a millisecond. "I thought you said you weren't… sleeping together," Bruce says reproachfully. "He means that I, uh, impregnated him with my teeth. When I drank his blood. No sex involved," Tim explains. "It was an accident. I didn't even know I could do that."

Jaskier’s just debating how much trouble he’s actually in when Geralt, marvelously, talks them out of it. After that, well . . . Jaskier still wants to eat him very badly, but he supposes it’d be a bit ungrateful of him. Geralt isn’t very impressed with the song he writes for him, unfortunately—which, rude—but doesn’t try to run off and leave him either, so . . . Well, Jaskier’s a bit smitten. A delicious-smelling witcher who can talk his way out of being murdered is very impressive. And he always has wanted a pet.