“Mr. Malfoy is the only one who’s ever actually seen any of us and quite honestly, I doubt he’d recognize us out of robes anyway. The others are just looking for two boys and a girl, all wizards in training. If you and I keep Ron quiet, we can pass as Muggle girls."

Now let us take a moment to imagine Adam Lambert meeting Gerard Way -- HOSHIT, IN DRAG.

“I just have to know,” Kurt says. “What possessed you to wear an incredibly ugly dress to a high school that sells slushies in the cafeteria for 99¢?”

Her parents congratulated Toph on learning to read, but said that as much as they admired her newfound ability to write they'd rather she didn't bend "Toph Bei Fong was here" into *all* the decorative boulders.

The Full Metal Alchemist, of course, accepted his assignment with all the gravity due his station.

Pretty much everything gets tossed into the metamorphical back room of a facility like Delta Vega.

A conversation about their personal habits leads Souji to prove to the team that he's just as capable of being dirty as they are.

Tony, Bruce and JARVIS, and the difference between people, weapons and slaves.

There are certain expectations in troll society about taking in a freeloader with no place to go, as Dad Egbert finds out when he offers to host two of his son's stranded friends post-game.

Even the human fandom has recognized that it's a love story. Karkat's just disgusted that we've got them in the wrong quadrant. Rated Teen for Karkat's vocabulary.

"Penis doodles are encouraged on all homework. Awful innuendos are allowed. Extra credit if you can get me to laugh at them. And don't hit on me unless you're legal, 'cause I got crazy shit for that last time." (or, what Patrick Kane would be like as a sex ed instructor)

You never told a single motherfucker walking this planet what went down here. Wasn't the business of nobody but you, him and God. She wasn't your mother or your girlfriend or even your motherfucking friend. Maybe if you told her, though, maybe she'd leave. You know you'd walk away from it if you could.

Jonathan Toews is a certified, bonafide, pedigreed geek. Luckily he's their geek, so it works out okay.

The day the bus break hit the news, Eliot Spencer was in the middle of a job, taking down a dirty businessman up north of Boston.

After the defeat of Aizen, Ichigo has lost his superpowers but not his skills so he's been hiring himself out to any sports team looking for a strong player. When Nagisa Hazuki approaches Ichigo to join the Iwatobi High School Swimming Club, something piques Ichigo's interest....

It was an accident.

She had been called by many names, from Amonute to Rebecca, and she had as many secret names by which no man had ever called her. It's best that we speak of her as Pocahontas, the playful one.

Sometimes they forget: she's a political science major.

In the wake of Lisanna's death, Mirajane readjusts her relationship to her magic — and her relationship to Erza.

The SNK characters' happy reincarnated life is rudely interrupted by kaiju marching out of the Pacific. They are 100% done with this crap.

Jupiter doesn't feel ready for the bureaucratic nightmare of getting Titus to trial, or for the weirdness of being royalty in general. Fortunately, someone's written a guide exactly suited to her new needs.

Cole likes the tavern.

On deep winter nights, the Oina pass on a story of the three heroes' descent from the sacred shrine.

This is a metafic about a disabled Inquisitor and the changes the disability not only brings for them, but also for their companions, their advisors, the Inquisition as a whole, and the people of Thedas. One of my goals for this was for it to be as inclusive as possible: your Inquisitor's race and gender don't matter. Every possible class is addressed. Topics include: addiction, amputation, bigots, blindness, depression, muteness, tranquil mages, transsexuality, veterans, withdrawal.

Cole grows increasingly confused by gender and seeks out advice.

I love Krem and Bull's banter :D

Kiza isn’t in school long before she realizes that her daddy isn’t much like other daddies, and she isn’t much like other little girls. Scenes from the lives of Sad Bee Dad and Cool Bee Daughter.

A missing scene fic (spoilerific) between Captain Tsing & Jupiter Jones before she goes back to Earth, because I know I wasn't the only one who was sitting in the theater thinking "Stinger Apini, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LETTING YOUR DAUGHTER EXIT THE SCENE LIKE THAT?"

In which people with floofy pauldrons like Cullen should probably not stand so close to the woman waving around a lit candle on the end of a board.

A frog, a sorcerer, a sword, a porch, and a conversation in the dark.

THOMAS is the gladers' one hope of escaping the maze. He's also a brain in a jar.

What if, when Petunia Dursley found a little boy on her front doorstep, she took him in? Not into the cupboard under the stairs, not into a twisted childhood of tarnished worth and neglect—what if she took him in? Petunia was jealous, selfish and vicious. We will not pretend she wasn’t. She looked at that boy on her doorstep and thought about her Dudders, barely a month older than this boy. She looked at his eyes and her stomach turned over and over. (Severus Snape saved Harry’s life for his eyes. Let’s have Petunia save it despite them). Let’s tell a story where Petunia Dursley found a baby boy on her doorstep and hated his eyes—she hated them. She took him in and fed him and changed him and got him his shots, and she hated his eyes up until the day she looked at the boy and saw her nephew, not her sister’s shadow. When Harry was two and Vernon Dursley bought Dudley a toy car and Harry a fast food meal with a toy with parts he could choke on Petunia packed her things and got a divorce.

There must always be a Stark in Winterfell, or: Sansa goes home.

Yusuke isn't the only spirit detective in the world. Five AUs.

Deadpool vs. Kylo Ren. The conclusion is foregone.

Post Drum Island-Arc. Chopper likes everyone in his new herd. Although he's not quite so sure about Zoro, who smells like metal and blood.

Kurama just wants to finish his nap in peace. A particularly idiotic human is making that rather hard.

Jim has a couple different lies he likes to tell about how he got his Jolteon, depending on his audience.

Sophie left SHIELD a long time ago, and now they want her back. (Eliot is livid.)

"Zoro!" Luffy gave him a happy grin, looked out at sea...swung his head about to give his first mate a slightly longer look centered on the latter's new bust line, then back up at Zoro's face as he waved excitedly. "Hurry up! Nami says the log pose will set here if we wait too long, and then we won't be able to sail to Merman Island because we'll be set on another course. Hey, do you know your clothes are too big?"

5+ AU Headcanons rambling (sort of) fic: Naruto + AU where Team 7 gets a different sensei?

5+ AU Headcanons rambling (sort of) fic: Naruto + AU where Minato survives the sealing?

In which Yamamoto wanders through life smiling, joking, and terrifying bystanders. It strikes him as weird that he’s had to struggle not to kill people, that it’s been such a challenge. He’s pretty sure that for most people, not being a murderer is way easier than being one.

“Aw, come on,” says Anakin, glaring at the dice as if they’ve personally offended him. “You roll twenties for Ahsoka and not for me? I own you, you fuckers, the least you could do is do me a favor every once in a while.” or: Anakin Skywalker's terrible luck strikes again at the worst time.

Sanji didn't wonder why he gave himself the challenge. It didn't matter why. ‘Why’ was probably covered by one-upping the bloody swordsman, and maybe there were other reasons - stranger reasons - but that was the only one that really counted, right? It was decided. He was going to get Zoro to appreciate - no, love Sanji's food. If Sanji couldn't do it, then he wasn't a true sea-cook after all.

Later, Dora would think back on it and realise that clinically speaking, she had died.

Cor looked out at the thirty plus Crownsguard hopefuls with a flat piercing stare. “This is Prompto Argentum,” he said, gesturing to the young blond haired teen standing next to him. “He is a part of His Highness’ retinue. If you manage to land a hit on him, you can skip Basic training and move to Advance.” Someone in the crowd snicker as the rest of them stared, skeptical. Prompto Argentum was built like a stick, just waiting for someone to snap him in half. There was no way the Marshal was serious.

Sometimes friendship means forgiveness. Sometimes friendship means calling you on your bullshit.

Jiang Yanli and Jin Guangyao knew each other, during the year they both lived at Carp Tower.

The Lotus Pier always loved the bright spirits of the world, the free and unrestrained; she held them cupped in her hand like birds, ready to fly away, to go where their whim takes them, to return because they loved her. Her cultivators reflected that, shining bright, standing against the world and attempting the impossible. But they were only humans, their lives short and too easily cut shorter; when the invading armies came to the Pier, she tried her best to help her people – help them fight, help them flee – but the enemy was already invited inside her gates. There was nothing she could do. (and then she woke up again)