In which Steve is introduced to the grand old tradition of Movie Night.

It started with a box of women's clothing that the last occupants of their apartment had left behind. Bucky remembered picking up a pair of panties and throwing them at Steve and saying, "Go on, Rogers, these look about your size."

Today, Peter was honest-to-god going to see Captain America himself up close, in person, and not from a rooftop or tiny crevice like a creepy stalker fanboy. Even better, he was going to watch Steve Rogers make history by soldiering his beleaguered way through the most intensely awkward and honestly ridiculous press conference in the history of ever-- jaw thrust out and spine ramrod straight. Trying hard to be polite and respectful in the face of adversity. While a bunch of assholes with cameras and microphones shouted at him about Iron Man’s adolescent dick.

Steve takes in Bucky's betrayed look and Sam's confusion, follows Sam's gaze to the pile of mangled fruit in the trash can. Sudden comprehension fills his face. "Oh," he says. "Bucky found out about bananas." In which an American icon is mourned. But probably not the one you're thinking of.

Clint had peered at him out of one eye and said, "You know pink's a girl's color." "Not in my day, bub," Bucky said, sliding the tube of the grenade launcher up, chambering the shell, and racking it back down as he stared coolly at Clint. "You know who started that pink is feminine shit? Hitler."

The Seven-Headed Serpent is sent on loan to Hydra. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Tony’s almost at the door of his lab when he hears it. It’s low, throaty; just a split second of a thing. But it’s undoubtedly the sound of Barnes moaning.

Sam feels really cheated by history now.

Their first date is objectively pretty great. But later, when Bucky comes after Steve slides inside him and slaps him on the ass, Steve knows this is going to be fun.

Tentacle Gods: do not mix with Hydra.