He's not cute anymore, is the thing. He's not small and scrawny and bug-eyed with shock, standing there like a tool as a water-holding device plummets down to become his new hat. He's… He's… Prowly.

Karkat has gone really still. He opens his mouth. Closes his mouth. Opens his mouth-- "No. On second thought, no. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking when I said I would do this. I have never had even the slightest desire to do this." "Uh," John says. "Okay?"

In which a mutant too famous to cull is dropped like a grenade into the midst of the peace process, a foolish monarch proves himself secretly shrewd, the power of friendship functions as a force multiplier, and it is discovered that in the Great Game of espionage, the dealer does not always win.

When all they have left to hold onto is each other, how can they ever let go?

There are some things you have to do as a friendleader, and some you have to do as a friend. Sometimes, it's the same thing.

Karkat is all for cultural exchanges and trying to see each others point of view, but there is such a thing as going too damned far.

Teasing can be frustrating, but it will all be worth it in the end - right?

Choose lasagna as good first meal for boy humans (1) and boy trolls (1) to show you can overcome this cooking thing. Feel impugned when Rose suggests you would both eat popcorn between two slices of bread and call it a day. Advise her you only did that the once.

Being an adult is hard, it is hard and no one understands. Particularly when your only child starts polyamorously dating aliens.

“Okay,” he says, “Do it again.” “—————,” replies Karkat.

John and Karkat find themselves on opposite ends of the universe after the game.

"Request is for trolls having 'opposite parts'. I know it doesn't really make sense with all the references to bone bulges, but let's pretend that troll men have vaginas and troll ladies have cocks. I want to see a troll and and one of the kids hook up and have lots of "oh god wtf you're backwards" confusion and alarm. I don't really care which pairing it is, but there's a lot of them it could be hilarious/cute with (John/Karkat, Rose/Kanaya, Dave/Terezi, Jade/Tavros, etc.) If it ends up being a troll girl with a human guy, bonus points for pegging!"

It's a cross between an office romance and a hostile alien takeover, and it ends just the way you would expect.

Anonymous asked: JohnKat urban fantasy ((that was so vaaaague aaaaaaaa urban fantasy had so many possibilities D: i went with one of the silliest because i could, bwahaha.))

John Egbert is totally the master of hateflirting.