Caught in the act of digging through the hall closet, presumably in his quest to find Zabuza, Gai spins, already beaming. “Yosh! Are you prepared for our day of challenges and manly combat?” For a long moment Zabuza stares at him. Then, carefully, he takes a deep breath and growls, “No. I have my own plans. I bought a massive dildo and I'm going to go stuff it up my ass until my arm gets tired. So unless you want to help me get off, you should fuck off.”

Lance and Keith had no idea what they were in for when Hunk joined them for an early-morning workout... AKA: Keith and Lance realize that they are both very gay, and that Hunk is very Hot

So, rather than telling Ryan about his rollercoaster of feelings, he decided to do the next best thing any normal, sane person in love would do: Shane Madej decided to handcuff himself to Ryan Bergara.

All of this, Kakashi would like it noted, is because he has terrible friends.

Andrew’s learned to like cake, he’s learned to like oysters, and he’s learned to like Steven.

Ryan goes on a series of dates with Shane. Friend-dates. For a video, of course. Nothing else. "Oh god, they're definitely in love."

“Who is Team 7’s new sensei?” Iruka demands in horror, voice breaking about two octaves higher than is probably appropriate for a man his age. Tsunade doesn’t even look up from her paperwork. “The Uchiha brat,” she says. And then, after a beat, “Wait, no, that’s Shisui. The other Uchiha brat. The one who dragged me back to this damn village to begin with.”

Magnus sends him fire messages every day.

Prompto's never really alone anymore, and mostly, he's just fine with that. Mostly, it's exactly what he's always wanted. Only, his friends happen to be stupidly attractive. Like really, ridiculously, unfairly attractive. Strangers on the street actively stare at Gladio without a shirt on. Ignis wears sock garters, smooths them up his slender calves every morning like it's no big deal. Noct somehow doesn't realize that when he wades into the water to pull a fish out, white t-shirt on, the cloth plasters right up against his skin, almost see-through. So yeah. Prompto likes that he's never really alone anymore. But he's also never really alone anymore, and the approximately hundred thousand awkward boners he gets every single day languish in his jeans, untended.

"It wasn’t that he was crushing on Pat Gill, not really. Brian was comfortable having a close friendship which involved physical affection, and even jokes regarding it. He was just...he smelled nice, even when he was sweaty. He had really nice and soft hair. The way he gripped his leg and lifted him so easily was nice. The way the crotch of his jeans felt against his—" After the Shadow of the Colossus Gill and Gilbert, Pat and Brian find themselves dealing with the fact that there are consequences to being in on-and-off intimate positions with your coworker for over an hour, and those consequences tend to manifest themselves quite noticeably in your pants.

He coughs with his teeth clenched shut, blood seeping out but petals held in. Well, he thinks, at least this way he dies on his own terms.

It’s always been something of a point of pride, for Ponds, that he never really has to worry about his general.

In life and in death, Xichen’s love will never leave him. (or: nie mingjue's fierce corpse is granted sentience, and sets out to fix things.)

Wang Yibo's message reads: who do you think like initiates the first time

Who do you bloom for, in your lungs?

Following the war, Wen Qing had had something of a revelation. Namely, that the vast majority of problems in her life were due to the fact that she was surrounded by a bunch of idiots. (a getting-together story)

It doesn’t come up often, and Wen Qing didn’t plan it this way, but she has slept with all of the Yunmeng siblings (separately) and she’s not even a little bit sorry about it, it was all good.

Tang Fan writes a new romance novel that reaches new heights of obvious pining, Wang Zhi takes matters into his own hands, a guest comes to stay, and Sui Zhou continues to be a irresponsible combination of jealous and oblivious. (This takes place somewhere nebulously in the middle of the series, but really it could happen at any point, no spoilers)

In which there’s a jewellery thief on the loose, Tang Fan plays dress up, gets a mild concussion and also a boyfriend.

“I'm not going to stay with the ship,” Anakin says, outraged. Savage closes his eyes, not quite praying for patience, but—reaching for it, certainly. Having a padawan has been good for his self-control in ways Savage hasn’t even wanted to consider too closely.

With a sound of quiet sympathy, Kit reaches out, tapping his knuckles lightly against Rex's pauldron. “Forgive me, Captain, but I believe you would be far more comfortable without your armor. The beach cannot be a pleasant place for you right now.” Rex pauses, almost startled by the idea of taking his armor off. He’s on a mission, or at least the disastrous tail end of one, and unless he’s on leave, he almost never strips down to his blacks. And it’s been…months, since his last stretch of leave that wasn’t cut off before it even started. “Oh,” he says dumbly, and then flushes, reaching for the clasps on his armor. “Right, sorry, sir.”

“Barriss?” Ahsoka hisses, bewildered. Barriss, in a fancier dress than Ahsoka has ever seen her in, covered in tattoos and dripping jewelry, freezes stock-still on the stairs into the casino, and Ahsoka feels the bright-sharp flare of her panic a half-second before she spins to face Ahsoka.

sea_salt_waves said: I've been having all these feelings lately about a human Geno falling for sexually-repressed incubus!Sid who pays sex workers to jerk off for him and has never been in a relationship before, with all kinds of insecurities and pining… ... I didn't stick to the prompt perfectly, but it was definitely my inspiration. I hope you enjoy!

Zhenya nudges Gonch with his elbow. "Who is that?" he says in urgent Russian, jabbing his glove at the now retreating zamboni. "Who?" Gonch follows the line of Zhenya's gaze, blinks when it lands on the zamboni. "What, the driver? Him?" Zhenya nods vigorously, his eyes fixed on the zamboni. Gonch stares at him for a few seconds before answering with hesitation, "That's...Sidney."

Geno ends up with red, white and blue hair after the Caps game, so he’s the first person sent to the new cursebreaker when they make it back to Pittsburgh. Sid is in the lounge when Geno comes back out. “I’m know her,” Geno says despondently. “She’s cursebreaker on staff for media at Sochi.”

It's not like Phil goes around telling people that his old team bought him his best friend like some people buy hookers. He can't really talk about it with Bozie, either, because Bozie will just say something like, "Come on, I provide the full girlfriend experience," which is so much worse than actually being offended.

As a prince and an alpha, Geno needs to get bonded before he turns thirty. With his birthday fast approaching, he returns to Russia to find a suitable omega. The only problem is that Sid has secretly been in love with Geno for years.

If it's a choice between bonding and hockey, Zhenya is going to choose hockey every time.

Sid comes out. This is what happens next.

“Think the storm did it,” Sasha tells the kids over lunch the next day. Andre got last place in their morning skate shootout contest, so he’s paying. “Did what?” Willy says through a mouthful of sushi. Sasha points at him with his chopsticks. “Your powers,” he says. “Snowzilla comes, suddenly everyone’s mutants? Something happened there, no other explanation.” Latts strokes his chin. “Didn’t the Flash get struck by lightning or something? It’s not totally crazy.”

“It feels really good,” Leddy says, almost sheepish. They’re all eating lunch at Nick’s house after training, and Leddy still keeps looking around like someone could overhear. “It's a fucking trip, like - tentacle, eggs, but. It's good. I don't know.”

When the PR team makes them do a couples quiz for the team's YouTube channel and Connor gets every question about him right, that's when Jack has to acknowledge to himself that, yeah, maybe they've become friends. or, Jack and Connor get drafted by the Seattle Kraken.

This mission isn't going anywhere close to plan, and Mace is never again trusting Obi-Wan when he says it will.

Once you play your first NHL game, your captain gets to take your virginity. That's the way it's always been. It's tradition. How can John say no to tradition? How can John say no to Sidney Crosby?

He doesn’t want a boyfriend, but he told Connor he’d find one, and he isn’t about to let Worries McHeadache have satisfaction at the hands of Dylan’s failure to find a significant other on Tinder.

Jon is not used to wanting anything, much less something he might be allowed to have. 

Bly's new wife is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, and she's graceful and charming and funny and so far out of his league that he's about to die.

"That's a nasty cough you've got there, Dabi," Toga says pointedly. Disgusting as it is, he forces himself to swallow the petals back down. They catch in his throat and he almost starts coughing again before he finally manages it. "Allergies," says Dabi, voice scratchy. Dabi falls in love.

This person was panting, his shoulders heaving violently as his eyes scanned the room for more threats. His hands were tensed like weapons, hooked black talons extended through his gloves, ready to rip and tear. That was the first indicator that something was truly wrong. Hawks would never willingly use his “unsightly” talons as weapons. The second was that his mouth... his mouth was covered in blood. It streamed down his chin, flecked at the corners of his lips, and coated two large fangs that he had most definitely not possessed at the start of the fight. He bared them at Dabi in a savage hiss. They were long, at least a full inch, and the sight of them awakened some ancient nervous instinct within him, telling him to run or fight, because the creature in front of him was a predator, and it was hungry. Most unnerving of all, though, were his eyes. The eyes that locked with Dabi’s were a startling crimson red, a far cry from their usual gold. Dabi’s breath caught in his throat. ~~~ The mission Dabi and Hawks are on goes south. Dabi learns something he was never meant to know.

In which Aizawa brings an extra kid to mountain training camp, leaves his sleeping bag at school, and ends up sharing a futon with Yagi Toshinori for three agonizing nights before everything folds.

As the Strawhat crew comes to find, their newest member, Sanji, flirts with anyone that breathes and walks on two legs... with the notable exception of Zoro, which the rest of the crew finds hilarious. The impossible thing, though; his flirting actually works. In which Sanji has game and really sluts up the place and Zoro is Not Amused.

Everyone wants to marry Zoro. Hypothetically. Sanji can’t believe everyone would pick that useless patch of growing mold over him, and considers killing Zoro. Not hypothetically. He has a list on why Zoro would be the Worst Husband Ever, not that he spends a lot of time thinking of a (purely hypothetical!) situation where he is married to Zoro, fuck you very much. (a.k.a, the one where Usopp invented Fuck, Marry, Kill.)

Jean doesn't have his soulmark anymore.

“Geralt, it’s not what it looks like.” “Really?” he asked. He clenched his jaw before offering a sharp, mirthless smile. “Because it looks like you got caught fucking the mayor’s wife, and now I’m not getting paid!” “Well,” he laughed nervously, looking anywhere but up. “When you put it that way.” In which Jaskier suggests a chastity device to prove himself a worthy travel companion, and of course, gives Geralt the key.

Five times Jeremy didn't understand the relationship between Jean and Neil Josten, and the one time he figured it out.

Jason's had worse heats. Don't ask him when— but he's sure he's had them.

(573): his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?" (314): did it work (573): that's not the point...