“We had sex,” Clint says, bluntly. “Collectively.” [Written for Porn Battle; Warnings apply]

There it is, the word he's been trying harder than anything not to even think, and now that it's out there's no hiding from it. (aka the Angry Goat Noise remix; no spoilers for movie)

It's not all bad when Jim and Leonard awake in a strange room containing a large pool of water - until the tentacles start appearing.

Voldemort has captured Harry and for his own twisted reasons has chosen not to kill him outright. Revenge in the Dark Lord's mind requires a fate worse than death and Harry is about to find out what that is.

Sollux would be willing to wait forever for Karkat to feel ready, but the drones aren't so patient.

Kaner apparently starred in a porno at some point in his life. Jonny becomes very, very invested in watching it. Repeatedly.

This is not the behavior Stiles was expecting from a werewolf he’s been dream invading. To be honest, Stiles expected more blood, bruises and begging. He was not expecting creepy Derek to go to sleep next to him.

Derek as Khal Drogo (but set in snow beyond the wall) and Stiles as Daenerys Stormborn (although he's a greenseer of the Children rather than a dragon)

Contrary to popular belief, weres don't actually need alphas. Patrick never had one, since he's the only person in his family with the gene, and his parents didn't push him into finding one. Alphas make their betas better; they keep them calm and level, they support them, they guide them. Without an alpha, betas are perfectly fine. They're just better with one.

Equius gets ridden, in more than one sense of the word.

Kaner comes into his veela heritage on his 24th birthday. Shenanigans and surprise feelings ensue.

Athelstan's Christian devotions arouse the suspicions of Ragnar's neighbours and he is dragged before the Earl and accused of working evil magic. The villagers want to sacrifice him to Odin to ward off ill-luck, but Ragnar and Lagertha step in to save him by proposing that he is sacrificed instead to Freyr, the god of fertility and sexual pleasure. By fucking Athelstan until he screams and begs, Ragnar argues, he will prove that the Christian God has no power in their lands. Athelstan is surprisingly ok with this.

As the base's resident expert on human culture, Sam had fumbled his way through some pretty awkward conversations, but even he didn't feel up to tackling the questions Bee would have once he learned that his best friend had somehow developed a fetish for alien robots.

After being tortured by a group of hunters, Derek goes into heat. Stiles helps him through it. Written for the 24-hour porn challenge community, Stop, Drop, and Howl.

"They can see us," Abed says calmly. As if he's just figuring it out.

The Inspector is famously thought of as asexual; the Anti-Inspector is . . . not. Abed likes to play both roles.

Troy and Abed are in a relationship. This offers Abed the opportunity to explore a classic entertainment trope from porn videos.

kchanlp: NaruSasu + Itachi. Maybe hipster? In which big brother has to teach Sasuke how he should first and foremost close the goddamn door when his goddamn boyfriend is in his room doing goddamn... things.

In which Derek finds Stiles in a compromising position.

Tony Stark is all about the advancement of science, but...he probably should have clued Steve in a little sooner. Steve just thinks it's a bad idea to volunteer for anything that involves Reed Richards.

Stiles gets friendly with a Tentacle Monster.

Steve's not sure where he is, or how he got there, or why there's a tentacle there, but at least he's having fun.

Letting their guard down inside the TV was a stupid move, and now Souji has to try get things under control while Yosuke deals with the effects of a Shadow's new attack.

Only Severus sees what's really going on here.

Is it even possible for penises to develop Stockholm syndrome?

In which Cole isn't a desire demon, but thinks it might help if he was.

Barry agrees to a deal with the devil and finds himself enjoying it a lot more than he expected.

"I need to—" you can't, you can't say it with Mituna there. "It's my mutation," you say instead. "There are complications." "Okay, dude, open the door," Latula says. The knob rattles, and you miss whatever Mituna says next. "Yeah, I know, but he's still one of us. We can't just let him suffer, you know?" (Kankri misses a social outing. Some of his friends come to check up on him.)

“Get out,” Karkat growls, from the top of a staircase. His voice is thick and unsteady and he reeks of that red smell, it’s pouring off him, spiking up your heartrate. Sollux takes a startled breath, then another, and crowds up against your back. “I mean it,” Karkat snarls. “I told you guys we were through, why the fuck are you here?”

Dave says, bouncing his heel on your thigh for attention, “Are you drunk? Holy shit, are you— like, are you tripping out? Did Rose just roofie you with her pretentious fuckin’ leaf water? Oh my god.” “Oh my god,” Rose repeats, and colors brilliantly across her cheeks, blood coursing bright and close under her skin.

You'd thought your master's hive was grand, but it's nothing compared to the Imperial Palace. The building rears up before you, sweeping arches and high towers, black stone ornamented with garnet-colored tile. The banners snapping in the wind are brighter, though, a red so bright it looks unnatural: the banners of the Scarlet Emperor, newly risen, the first of his blood since the Signless Sunderer tore down the old empire and built the new one a thousand sweeps ago. Every noble in the Empire is coming to the Capital tonight, bringing gifts to demonstrate their allegiance and beg the new Emperor's favor. Your master is bringing you.

The only thing that saves them is that even in the throes of berserk rage Kankri has no clue how to fight.

Equius grew tired of the solitude of his workshop and decided to venture out to the castle that appeared in his bubble in search of the company of another. What he found was far from what he could have ever expected.

In which a species of alien flower plays matchmaker. Or, the obligatory sex pollen story.

A spirit decides to play matchmaker by giving Ryan the proper push in Shane's direction.

Ryan drops the holy water gun with a shout and stumbles back, fueled by blind panic as he turns and sprints past their sleeping bags for the attic door. Behind him, he hears Shane sigh almost calmly despite his flesh still burning. “Don't— C’mon, seriously, do we really have to make this a whole thing— You've seen horror movies, you know how this is gonna—” Apparently still annoyed, he breaks off, and the door in front of Ryan slams shut on its own. Ryan skids to a stop and reaches for the knob, rattling it ineffectively. “Shit, shit, shit—” “So many horror movies,” Shane says, voice much closer now, and Ryan spins around. “I’m just saying, can we not make this a thing right out of TV Tropes, you know, that’s just boring for both of us.”

After exposure to an unknown substance in the course of an operation, Heero, Duo and Wufei spend the night in quarantine. A long, increasingly acrobatic night... For the Gundam Wing End of Summer Trope Fest 2017!

The youngest prince of Atlantis goes looking for the Sea Witch in hopes of turning human. He never makes it that far.

or, why Eddie Brock can never return to his favorite coffee shop

Wei Wuxian doesn’t let the Wen Remnants hand themselves over after Jin Zixuan’s death. Instead he makes one last sacrifice to ensure they survive. Months later, a Lan cultivator kneels at the edge of the Burial Mounds, ready to offer himself to the feared Yiling Patriarch. Or: Sacrifice is an old magic, but love is even older.

chengxian thought: turnip sales aren't cutting it, so wwx freelances out of a yiling brothel. jc, blowing off steam on one of his periodic trips to check up on him, asks for whatever the madam recommends and, welp, there's his brother. jc writes this off as a charitable donation. I did not intend to put any further thought into this but just like, the idea of the moments where wwx is still laughing off the coincidence and jc has already decided to go through with it, to insist, and wwx slowly slowly gets there

Wei Ying's fertile mind was always pleasing to him, even when he did not recognize all the fruits that grew there.

What's a little breaking and entering, between a person and their absolute object of affection? And who would take a gift horse in the mouth by walking away when the opportunity presents itself so beautifully, so perfectly, so temptingly, so- you get the idea. Or do you?

It was a beautiful field, constantly blooming with purple flowers. No weather in the human realm could stop them, and only the gods' mercy can save any human affected by them. Well, that and a demon's 'mercy' would work too. OR Sex Pollen Field Affects Local Peak Lord, Half-Demon Protagonist Lends A Helping Pillar!! Done for LQG Fuck or Die Fest (2019)!

Obi-Wan went over thirty years without a heat. It was hardly unusual or unexpected. Everyone knew omega reproductive systems were finicky. Omegas were incredibly fertile while in heat. Nature had, perhaps, compensated for the situation by ensuring they only went into heat when...conditions were correct. OR, the Dark Side AU where the Empire is already in power, the Jedi are long gone, and Obi-Wan Kenobi ends up leading an army to wipe out the Emperor's enemies. Things get more complicated when he goes into heat.

When Loki and Thor are caught attempting to steal from a Temple they discover that the hushed stories about the the cruelty and perversion of its punishments are all true. But when Loki is involved, things are never quite as they seem.

I like to daydream about Mustang and Ed's stupid adventures in diplomacy after they've taken control of the country. Emphasis on stupid. Ed is trans because 1) because and 2) silentwalrus' headcanons have seeped into the groundwater at this point.

“Sid, need you to pay attention to me,” Alex says firmly. “You have bond crisis. You sick, Sid. Very sick. Need somebody to touch you to stop you being sick.” “I didn’t know you could get sick from being lonely,” Crosby mumbles. Zhenya makes a noise that sounds like he’s been punched. “I guess it makes sense, though.”

Sid growls. He can’t help it. It’s wrong. Malkin is whimpering and crying and struggling against his restraints. His scent is all fear and chemicals and something deeper, something dark and oppressing. Sid thinks it’s anger but it’s too bitter to try and get a proper read on.

“You’re an investment,” Pat had told Sid over and over. “You’re a talent, and we’re not letting the league freeze you out for this.” The NHL demands omegas be bonded to play. Sid, unwilling to lose hockey, agrees to enter into a bond with the Penguins' draft prospect Evgeni Malkin. It does not go as they planned.