Voldemort has captured Harry and for his own twisted reasons has chosen not to kill him outright. Revenge in the Dark Lord's mind requires a fate worse than death and Harry is about to find out what that is.

Sid is special, even for a wizard. Harry Potter AU.

Ten facts about three Hogwarts students.

Remus had the Dursleys whacked. Tactfully, of course, and well after Harry left the house.

Only Severus sees what's really going on here.

Tobirama comes down to breakfast on the first day of classes to find the Great Hall full of snickering, his husband conspicuously absent, and his brother face-down in his eggs.

"Well of fuckin' course troll JKR wasn't forced ta have Voldie be a fake sea dweller with magicked-on fins in the end, he was a fake who was aimin' higher than his station in life all along, this is the only readin' that makes any sense! If he were a real sea dweller then his motive for offin' the landdwellers makes zero fuckin' sense! An' his lack a any true class, are you even serious?" "I find it remarkable that a single being should be so consistently and hugely self-blind," Rose mused, and bared her teeth in a pleasant (not) grin. -- Anonymous asked: Rose spade/diamond Eridan, the differences between troll and human Harry Potter.

In which fourteen-year-old Percy Weasley is very stressed, does not get enough sleep, and accidentally and unknowingly saves the Wizarding World because of bad aim.

Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, oh my. (Or, Tobirama has a date. He will probably live to regret it.) Prequel to It’s Witchcraft.

Every Tuesday, Head Auror Harry Potter gets a new secretary, until one day he hires Draco Malfoy, who is oddly determined to find out why.

When Harry was eleven years old, his Hogwarts letter came by owl. He'd been accidentally blowing windows open and lighting cauliflower on fire for years. James took Harry to go get his wand at Ollivanders, and Lily took Dudley to the Owl Emporium where he tried to convince her they should build an aviary in the backyard. They came home with a fat black cat who hissed at everyone. Dudley named him Spooks, and Lily called him Monster. "Did you have to?" said James. "That is the meanest beast I've ever met, and I've known Remus unmedicated on full moons and a pubescent Sirius thwarted in love." Lily, who had ink on her cheek and a ballpoint pen stuck behind her ear, waved vaguely at the living room without looking up from her arrest report. Dudley was asleep in an armchair. The cat sprawled across his lap. Both its front paws were wrapped around Dudley's arm as it cleaned his wrist with aggressive fondness. "Alright," said James. "Yeah, you had to."

Salazar leans over him, brushing back long black hair, and kisses him. It’s tauntingly light, just the tip of his tongue teasing Godric’s as his lips slant across Godric’s mouth. “Why don’t I help you with that?” he murmurs, and his grey eyes are wicked. “There's a new spell I’d like you to help me test.”

All of this, Kakashi would like it noted, is because he has terrible friends.

Obito turns himself into the Whomping Willow. It goes great, right up until people start making a nuisance of themselves under his roots.

Sirius Black grabs his godson and flees to Italy after Godric's Hollow. Landing in the middle of organized crime, curses, and malevolent ghosts was most definitely not part of the plan, but there might be a few perks.

Dudley Dursley's life is exactly as he'd like it: ordinary.

Geno loves kids, but not the way Sid loves kids. Sid has a younger sister; Geno lived with Seryozha and Ksenia and Natalie for two years. Which is to say, he survived potty training and checkers and temper tantrums, as well as several toddler ballet recitals. Every time they work with the Little Penguins, it's like Sid is fresh off a thorough Obliviation. Geno, meanwhile, is prepared for war.