It was the longest Sorting in recent Hogwarts history.

In the summer of 1998, after the defeat of Voldemort, Harry comes out to his friends.

2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class

Continent hopping scrambled her time sense for days but Faith guessed that the night was still young as she swung, loose hipped and grinning, out of the London club. Leavin' early. Gettin' old, she thought. Or the Watcher's rubbing off on me.

You know why you're here. I'm here because I drew the shortest straw this year. So let's get started, shall we?

And you thought Draco Malfoy had an ego problem before? Just wait till he discovers his identity from a previous life!

“Mr. Malfoy is the only one who’s ever actually seen any of us and quite honestly, I doubt he’d recognize us out of robes anyway. The others are just looking for two boys and a girl, all wizards in training. If you and I keep Ron quiet, we can pass as Muggle girls."

In honor of Harry's birthday, a small tribute to the Harry Potter series, and the fandom it has inspired. Complete

Harry Potter requests the help of the Watcher's Council in their little war.

It was just another hex.

Fourth Year Toph Bei Fong holds the record for the most detentions served by a single student in five hundred years of Hogwarts's illustrious history. She has a tattoo, regularly gets illegal paraphernalia from Hogsmeade, and is proud of being the reason for every last one of McGonagall's gray hairs. She's also the single most hated person in the whole school.

Five brothers, five days in a week.

"This is totally worse than the time they didn't tell me Cadbury chocolate is so much better here because they wanted to keep it all for themselves, the assholes. Flying broomsticks."

House sorting under here I will fight you

Ten facts about three Hogwarts students.

What if, when Petunia Dursley found a little boy on her front doorstep, she took him in? Not into the cupboard under the stairs, not into a twisted childhood of tarnished worth and neglect—what if she took him in? Petunia was jealous, selfish and vicious. We will not pretend she wasn’t. She looked at that boy on her doorstep and thought about her Dudders, barely a month older than this boy. She looked at his eyes and her stomach turned over and over. (Severus Snape saved Harry’s life for his eyes. Let’s have Petunia save it despite them). Let’s tell a story where Petunia Dursley found a baby boy on her doorstep and hated his eyes—she hated them. She took him in and fed him and changed him and got him his shots, and she hated his eyes up until the day she looked at the boy and saw her nephew, not her sister’s shadow. When Harry was two and Vernon Dursley bought Dudley a toy car and Harry a fast food meal with a toy with parts he could choke on Petunia packed her things and got a divorce.

Ok. Book 1. Dumbledore drops Harry off at the Dursleys on Halloween night. 1. he does not check Lily and James will

In which fourteen-year-old Percy Weasley is very stressed, does not get enough sleep, and accidentally and unknowingly saves the Wizarding World because of bad aim.

A patronus, Harry tells Hermione, is acing a test and the warmth of a butterbeer between your hands. It is your friends holding you when you fall, and Ron’s sparkling eyes when you whisper hi. And there’s an otter, swimming, and Hermione is blushing.

what if the reason nobody can tell fred and george apart is because they really are interchangeable

When Harry was eleven years old, his Hogwarts letter came by owl. He'd been accidentally blowing windows open and lighting cauliflower on fire for years. James took Harry to go get his wand at Ollivanders, and Lily took Dudley to the Owl Emporium where he tried to convince her they should build an aviary in the backyard. They came home with a fat black cat who hissed at everyone. Dudley named him Spooks, and Lily called him Monster. "Did you have to?" said James. "That is the meanest beast I've ever met, and I've known Remus unmedicated on full moons and a pubescent Sirius thwarted in love." Lily, who had ink on her cheek and a ballpoint pen stuck behind her ear, waved vaguely at the living room without looking up from her arrest report. Dudley was asleep in an armchair. The cat sprawled across his lap. Both its front paws were wrapped around Dudley's arm as it cleaned his wrist with aggressive fondness. "Alright," said James. "Yeah, you had to."

Obito turns himself into the Whomping Willow. It goes great, right up until people start making a nuisance of themselves under his roots.

Dudley Dursley's life is exactly as he'd like it: ordinary.