Of course he’d have his big gay revelation about his former teammate, in Columbus, during the middle of the fucking zombie apocalypse. That is the life of Jeff fucking Carter, as fucked up and pathetic as humanly possible.

Sidney Crosby has known a few things for most of his life: he knows that he loves hockey more than anything, he knows that 87 is his lucky number, and he knows that he’s gay.

Being telepathic saves a ton of money on phone bills. In which Jeff and Mike develop telepathy after they're traded from Philadelphia.

Carts acts all shocked about Mike being willing to live with him, which, seriously. "Where did you pick up this idea that I'm a douchebag?" demands Mike. "If anything, you should be the one skeeved out about living with a dom." Carts snorts. "I've built up an immunity to your skeeviness." "Then we don't have a problem," says Mike. "Come on, Arnold's gonna flip his shit."

Ringing the changes on phone sex.