Bowman's bright idea has unexpected results.

People get possessed all the time.

Actually, "pervy dragonfic" is really working for me, here.

Making a dick joke was a strategic error. You put the subject on the metaphorical table. You're now thinking about troll dick.

Prompt: Let's have a thing where going God Tier has made the humans' genetic material and other bodily fluids sparkly and rainbow colored. Then let's take that thing and make it into another thing where we see the reactions of all the trolls to this. GOGOGO!

"The first watch keeps the correct time. Always. Terezi tried starting out of sync the third time they played this game, but without that one thread of the right beat to cling to, the grating wrongness of the other watches knocked Dave out of the mood long before he could hit trance state." Terezi/Dave, idiosycratic forms of bondage.

The thing about Karkat Vantas is, he might be a pompous, noisy windbag with an inflated opinion of his own importance, and if he was suddenly struck down by some kind of vicious troll laryngitis the universe's total amount of chill and quiet would suddenly go up three levels... But turns out he's also a great fuck.

Your moirail is something of a shambling disaster -- his hair is a tangled, frizzy mess, his clothes are tattered at the hems and grimy, and he could stand a wash or five himself. But it isn't, you've realized, that Gamzee doesn't want to care for himself, it's more that he doesn't know how to take care of himself well. You're not sure why, since he had access to the same schoolfeeding as everyone else, but maybe it was because he was alone too much for so long. Maybe it's hard to care, or know to care, when there's no one to fuss over you.

IT HAS RECENTLY COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT INTERSPECIES RELATIONS ARE RAPIDLY DEVOLVING INTO SLOPPY MAKEOUTS THAT THREATEN TO BECOME DISGUSTINGLY MORE INTIMATE. IN AN EFFORT TO KEEP YOU IDIOTS FROM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT OVER WEIRD XENOBIOLOGY AND EMBARRASSING EVERYONE IN THE WORST WAYS POSSIBLE, I HAVE COMPILED THIS GUIDE, WHICH SHOULD BE SHORT ENOUGH THAT EVEN THOSE OF YOU WITH THE ATTENTION SPANS OF SMALL INSECTS SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ IT ALL IN ONE SITTING.

After three years out of contact, John and Karkat can finally talk again. The conversation doesn't go quite the way they were expecting. Now the three weeks it will take the golden ship to match velocities with the asteroid seem like three million. Why are the laws of physics so unkind to desperate teenaged boys? [an antidote to sadstuck! if this is not the fluffiest, most sentimental xenoporn ever written, i will eat my writekind specibus.]

Dave nods. "Most of the inhabitants of this sorry rock," he confides, "cry themselves to sleep at night at the knowledge that you beat them to the incomparable prize of Dave Strider's undivided affections." There's not enough irony left in this poor depleted universe to sustain statements like that very often, so he kisses Tavros again before he can talk himself into actual sincere confession time.

In which a mutant too famous to cull is dropped like a grenade into the midst of the peace process, a foolish monarch proves himself secretly shrewd, the power of friendship functions as a force multiplier, and it is discovered that in the Great Game of espionage, the dealer does not always win.

John is one of eight mech pilots heroically protecting Earth from an alien invasion. Pretty easy on the moral choices. See evil monster from space, kill evil monster from space. Only then he actually meets one of them face to face.

In which all sixteen kids live reasonably happily ever after in the Veil. Alternately: that one AU where trolls have sex by barfing blood into buckets.

"Gosh, Karkat! That's not what I was expecting at all!" Fanart drawn for Porn Battle XII.

Dirk laughs, presses his lips to the sweat-drenched nape of your neck, lets his teeth scrape the skin. "Don't worry, babe, I'm not going to leave you hanging. I've got something special for you. Get up."

"At first you'd thought Terezi felt a little left out of this clusterfuck of a relationship, always watching you and Karkat at each others' throats and goading each other on, but you've come to realize that she doesn't mind being a little on the sidelines. Correction: she gets off on it."

Terezi tells Dave and Karkat she's getting them matching red collars. When she's not around, they have a mini argument/fight about what this means, and which of them gave her the impression they wanted to be collared/owned. (they both argue that it was the other one) obviously they are in denial, they both want it, and terezi is really good at figuring things out. also this can end however but preferably with a sexy collaring scene. smut optional

Karkat has gone really still. He opens his mouth. Closes his mouth. Opens his mouth-- "No. On second thought, no. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking when I said I would do this. I have never had even the slightest desire to do this." "Uh," John says. "Okay?"

Karkat can feel the press of John’s arousal against one of his arms. His fingers twitch and reach helplessly, but his limbs are pushed as far as they can go. John chuckles against his shoulder, aware of Karkat’s efforts, and noses against the troll’s ear, warm breaths ghosting against sensitive flesh. “You’re so, well, eager like this, Karkat!”

Little gray aliens aren't people, no matter how well they fake it. They can be domesticated, though. Might as well keep them around, right?

Your afterlife groove thing is being visited by an underage crossdressing alien. Okay.

Karkat's first experience with human biology leaves him quite interested and a tad bit more obsessed with humans and their weird, creepy body than he would like. He also has no qualms in showing that. Dave will never be safe again. Karkat/Dave, written for the kink meme.

Man, Dave thought getting through adolescence was a pain in the ass for HUMANS. He had no idea how good they have it, until he saw what trolls got to go through.

Everything is more fun when there's something at stake, right? Swinging ought to be the same.

"You've got no fucking clue which end is up about this kind of thing, do you?" Karkat asks, almost gently. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone off on you. You're such a huge bitch it's easy to forget you weren't hatched like this."

"They just watch," John says, kicking the mop bucket into the broom closet after a hard day's asteroid-cleaning. "I guess chores are like a spectator sport for trolls? It's pretty weird! But... that's trolls for you!"

Dave can't talk dirty without making a fool of himself; to no one's surprise, Karkat is a screamer; and in summary, Dave and Karkat are terrible people to room next to.

The Game is over. You've won. But it was a long, hard, painful victory, and the rewards have a catch, and you're all a little broken. But you'll stick together anyway because that's just what you do. You help each other cope and somehow in the end you'll make it through. ((Humanstuck AU: Mainly Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas. Dave second-person POV. Post-Sburb.))

When Gamzee takes it up a notch in his attempts to court Dave into being his kismesis, Dave decides he can't just ignore it any more. Cue lengthy Karkat Vantas rants and awkward teenage boy fumblings. Slightly aged up AU where everyone is one big, dysfunctional family on the meteor while they wait out their three years.

When you open yourself up completely to someone else, you also make yourself completely vulnerable.

Once Karkat figures out the trick to getting John's attention, it's all smooth sailing from there.

Teasing can be frustrating, but it will all be worth it in the end - right?

Karkat is all for cultural exchanges and trying to see each others point of view, but there is such a thing as going too damned far.

There are some things you have to do as a friendleader, and some you have to do as a friend. Sometimes, it's the same thing.

In which Dave realizes that the situation is stupid in the most ironically enjoyable way.

When all they have left to hold onto is each other, how can they ever let go?

Dave realizes he has a most unfortunate crush on his best friend. This is obviously a great foundation for a black relationship with Karkat. Competitive flirting is a thing that exists, the kids try out various bits of troll culture, Dave makes consistently excellent decisions and generally has his priorities in order (no he doesn't), and there's a whole lot of talking.

“Holy shit,” you whisper. Dave joins you at the window. There are no stars left in the sky. Nothing but blackness and a faint soap bubble sheen. “Is that a dream bubble?” Dave says. And then it swallows you.

“Dave, um.” You haven’t seen Tavros this thunderstruck in a while. He points at you with one long, clawed finger. “What are you wearing?” “Oh this?” You tilt your head so that the light catches on your shades, the corners of your mouth quirked in the faintest of grins. “You can thank Egbert for pointing out the irony in our failing to ironically incorporate a literal interpretation of your preferred IM handle into our sex lives. Though we might have to sit him down and have a talk about the appropriateness of buying lingerie for another dude’s dude, if you know what I mean.”

For the meme. Tavros grows wings.

Title: Learning Each Other (Got a lot to learn) Summary: "Karkat," you say, because it feels amazing but you can't help yourself, "is that an octopus in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "That is the stupidest pickup line in either of our universes," Karkat says, his face gray-red and his pupils huge, "and I dare you to find out." Title: Tomb Raiders Summary: Faint heart never won fair lady, you think. Or fair gentleman either. "If you're going to kiss me," you say, "now would be an excellent time." Title: Dirk: Take Charge Summary: You're going to leave the toybox in the closet tonight, because you are fairly certain that you can ruin him six ways to Sunday without even a pair of fuzzy handcuffs to back you up, and you really don't want to give the poor guy an aneurysm or something. Humanstuck, aged-up characters, dom/sub, ssc, being STRONG is sexy, porn battle, Title: Strength of Character Summary: Polite, a natural leader, and unusually strong. John is certainly a human worth paying further attention to.

“Bro?” you ask, reaching up to rap on his forehead with your knuckles. Somehow your hand just tangles itself all up in his fine-ass hair and you sort of yank and turn and then two of you are kissing. It’s sloppy and hot and awkward, the angle all wrong and neither one of you used to each other at all, but when he gets your lip between his dull choppers and bites until you’ll bruise it’s just about motherfucking perfect.

“Wow, you actually sleep in this stuff?” John asked, staring into Karkat's recuperacoon.

Directly after takeoff to the new session, Dave tries to adjust to the strange customs of the trolls, the havoc of romantic miscommunications, and recent past events, which continue to linger with all of them. It's hard to begin an entirely new life.

In which xeno/inflation/mpreg/egg-laying is taken entirely too seriously, compulsive world building is showcased, and I pretend really hard that Gamzee might ever be a sympathetic character again. Originally found at: http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/8447.html?thread=39867903

Dave doesn't always understand the nature of troll romance, but most of the time he doesn't need to.

More than two sweeps after being returned to a restored Alternia, the trolls face impending adulthood and banishment from the planet. Gamzee Makara fully expects to be culled on conscription for poor health and sopor addiction - what he doesn't count on is the personal attention and protection of the Grand Highblood.

Karkat thought he knew what he was getting into, when he agreed to help Kanaya and Jade resurrect the troll race. He didn't count on the resurrected troll race including a handful of bright red grubs.

It just figures that when Karkat finally finds that special someone he hates more than he hates himself, that person turns out to be the guy who's essentially his clone, but fifty million times more annoying.