Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

"Okay. So. Kids. It can't be too hard, right? People dumber than us raise kids all the time. Not much to them. Just feed them, water them, distract them with shiny things and make sure they aren't unsupervised for too long. Speaking of which, how long has tiny-spawn been alone in your kitchen?" Steve and Tony (and The Avengers!) from the movie!cast + child!Peter Parker with a very AU backstory involving genetic experimentation aboard an abandoned space station (but that doesn't--strangely enough--feature all that heavily).

Phil Coulson is miserable, distrusted by most of SHIELD, and still doesn't remember why. It's only going to get worse before it gets better.

Stephanie Rogers isn't happy to be in the 21st century, but she's even less thrilled to be on a team with Antonia Stark who seems as spoiled and self-centered as people come. She and Tony do their best to ignore each other, until their mutual insomnia (read: nightmares) causes them to bond over the new American pastime: late night television watching.

Tony begins to notice that things are going missing from his workshop... and discovers that his bots have been hiding a very, very big secret from him. Or rather, a very, very small one. In which Dummy is a kleptomaniac, You is painfully shy, Butterfingers is a programming genius, JARVIS is a sarcastic sonofabitch, Pepper takes care of Tony outside of the workshop, Bruce is Tony's boo, Thor is Tony's favourite, Clint is actually kind of smart, Steve has terrible timing, and problem-solving is never simple or easy.

The World Security Council prefers Emil Blonsky in the Avengers Initiative, not Bruce Banner. SHIELD doesn't think that's a good idea.

Taking care of Tony is a lot of work. Especially when you’ve only got one arm. And your code dates back to the 1980s.

In 1977, Jennifer Barton (nee Clinton) gave birth to her second child. Francis Clinton Barton was born and her father threw away the It's A Boy cigars and walked out of the delivery room to head to the closest bar.

A few months have passed since the Avengers fought the Chitauri, and the team is coming together, except for Tony, who seems to be coming apart. At first, Steve assumes that he's just being irresponsible and annoying, but then JARVIS clues him in.

Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound. The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

" Clint and Steve have both seen Natasha’s report on Tony and expect him to be a certain way. With Pepper now out of the picture, Bruce in India and Thor is Asgard they have no one to show them just how wrong first impressions can be."

"In which Darcy gets Steve's number and proceeds to drag him into the modern world via text messaging and their friends start to ship it."

In which Deadpool kidnaps Clint off a battlefield and takes him on a roadtrip. A shooting roadtrip. OK, fine. A shooting people roadtrip. Don't be so cranky about it.

Sometimes it takes falling in love with the wrong people to fall in love with the right ones; or, the not-quite love song of Steve Rogers and Clark Kent.