Pepper leaves, and there’s no more pizza, and Thor’s already talked about Jane, and Tony suspects all of them realize, abruptly and simultaneously, that they actually have no idea what to do now. He is, in fact, pretty certain that they’re just a few minutes away from someone deciding to say something about the weather. It’s probably going to be him. //SPOILERS for the film.

In which Phil Coulson prepares to take on the entire universe, plays dead, has a series of tiny adventures with Clint Barton, and solves a problem of his own making.

“Barton has clearly imprinted on you,” Fury starts, and keeps talking right over Phil’s knee-jerk, horrified, “He has not,” to seal Phil’s doom by saying, “so I’ve decided that you’re going to take primary responsibility for him from now on.” “Oh, god,” Phil says, faintly, before he can stop himself. // Otherwise known as, SHIELD: The Early Years.