Five times Beijing 2008 Olympics Gold Medalist Tony Stark thinks it's going to be no more difficult a job to get ready for London 2012, than what he has just achieved. That is, of course, before Coach Fury comes to visit, and offers him a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be a part of something much bigger than himself. Swimming AU.

In which everybody loses their powers, Tony goes a little bit crazy, Natalie: Super PA! makes a reappearance, Clint shows off his super ninja spy skills, Thor fucks off back to Asgard, Steve is a tactical genius, Coulson not-so-secretly loves terrible television shows, nobody should ever be allowed to name anything ever, and there is an evil magical cult.

So, Captain America effectively manages to cockblock Tony for a year. It's not Steve's fault. Well, actually, it is. But he was just proving a point - that if a superhero is gay, how can it be wrong? Steve just picked the wrong superhero to make the point with. Now America will think they're dating - and Tony's not going to be the guy to break Captain America's heart. There's only one way out. To save face, Steve and Tony have to become fake boyfriends. Steve thinks the "boyfriends" bit will be the hardest to act... but maybe it's the "fake" part that will be the hardest act of all...

Antonia Carter Stark takes no shit and no prisoners.

Because Loki is a contrary asshole, he gifts Clint Barton with wings, of all things, during battle. The wings in and of themselves are one thing, but the way they react to Phil is another.

Tony's life is almost perfect. He lives in a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), has a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things and a regular Friday night campaign. If his best friend, Steve Rogers, hadn't moved away to New York and left him behind, then perfection would've been achieved. Tony can roll with the punches though and he's almost all the way over that little bump in the road (shut up Bruce, he totally is) when Steve moves back, looking taller and broader and more confident than ever and Tony's left with a converted warehouse full of friends (and one frenemy), a job that leaves him plenty of time to think about other things, a regular Friday night campaign and the uncomfortable realization that maybe he's in love with his best friend and has been since he was sixteen.

When he takes the rap for a crime committed by Barney and the Swordsman, Clint is charged as an adult at 17 and spends the next four years of his life without protection in prison. Enter one Neal Caffrey, who knows how to charm his way to whatever he wants or needs, and Clint's life gets a lot more interesting. Pretty much, the story of Clint in prison, Clint getting out, and Clint, like always, finding his way to SHIELD, and Phil.

Clint wants to give his kid the world. Isobel's not complicated; she'll settle for a couple of superheroes and a train set.

When Steve and Tony wake up to find that they've been captured, they assume things can't get any worse. They're wrong.

Tony Stark went to demonstrate a missile. Instead, he found himself in the midst of an intergalactic war between two organic robotic armies, in which humans are merely ants on the battlefield. The other humans, that is. Because he has an Autobot spark in his chest, and wouldn't it have been awfully nice of his father to mention that he hadn't really invented most of the things that Starktech was known for, but actually borrowed them from the Decepticons? So now, Tony is supposed to help save the world, when he'd really rather just crawl into bed with some of the very interesting people he's managed to meet along the way. Well, if he does manage to save the world, maybe he'll finally get laid.

Huh, was Tony's first thought when the spell broke and all of a sudden his brain came back online.

Loki is Thor's sister, not his brother. The events of Thor go somewhat differently.

After Tony over-reacts to some SHIELD agents breaking a microwave oven, Steve begins to wonder if there's something the team should know.

When diplomats around the world are murdered in a series of mysterious explosions, it's up to Natasha Romanov and her special team of badass ladies to find the culprit and save the day.

Through sheer serendipity, Tony discovers a lesser known side effect of the super soldier serum. Naturally, his scientific curiosity demands that it be tested in the bedroom. Oh, and he's always fantasized about being filled with copious amounts of come. In which Steve makes Tony's dreams come true and discovers a few things about himself along the way.

“I dunno, I just—” Tony wrung his hands and dropped his head as tears began to well up, overwhelmed. “I don’t—” “Oh, baby boy,” Steve said. “Why didn’tcha come ‘ta me earlier?” Tony whimpered, frustrated. Steve sighed and began to unbuckle his pants. "Don't ya worry now," he promised, rucking up Tony's dress. "I give it ta you, promise."