"Once there were two hockey players. One had great hair. One had a lot of brothers. This is their story." Or, Kris Letang gets a hug and Marc Staal meets a nice boy. Inspired by Morning to Wake You

The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurse. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor. -Wilma Scott Heide

“So, you Skype your boy a lot or something?” Kaner asks when he’s been there for a little while and heard Segs talk about Tyler enough to catch a clue. There’s something odd in his voice--a little plaintive, like he’s asking, so how do you deal with it? Segs hesitates, shrugs. Says, “Yeah, something like that.” Inside his head, Tyler laughs.

His mom had told him not to fall in love with houses; so had his dad, made some crack about them being worse than women, son, while his mom fake-punched him in the arm and then added, "and like people, it's what's underneath that matters, Johnny." But this is the first house he's looked at that he's liked, though he doesn't know why: it's got narrow, pointy windows with stone pieces on the tops like eyebrows, and it sits between its larger, tidier, neighbours like a poor cousin. Johnny thinks it maybe just needs someone to love it; and then he thinks: fuck.

“People who want to eat my grilled cheese for dinner should learn not to interrupt the delicate purchasing process with their unwelcome mockery,” Claude says. Danny and Claude move to Berlin. Nothing really changes, until everything does.

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. ~Jane Howard

His mom had told him not to fall in love with houses; so had his dad, made some crack about them being worse than women, son, while his mom fake-punched him in the arm and then added, "and like people, it's what's underneath that matters, Johnny." But this is the first house he's looked at that he's liked, though he doesn't know why: it's got narrow, pointy windows with stone pieces on the tops like eyebrows, and it sits between its larger, tidier, neighbours like a poor cousin. Johnny thinks it maybe just needs someone to love it; and then he thinks: fuck.

Trades suck. One way to avoid them? Marrying your best friend.

Sidney Crosby has known a few things for most of his life: he knows that he loves hockey more than anything, he knows that 87 is his lucky number, and he knows that he’s gay.

It's one thing to know that Kaner and Tazer are weird about each other, and another thing to actually see it. (or: several people who unfortunately had to interact with them, and one time they got to be alone).

Some things are trickier than expected when you've had surgery on both wrists.

jonny washes patrick's hair; patrick doesn't hate it.

Ryan supposes that’s fair, if he was dating someone, he wouldn’t have put so much thought into choreographing a threesome either.

Geno had arrived in Pittsburgh looking every minute of the nineteen hour flight from Helsinki, plus however long he’d been in transit between there and his run from the KHL. Sid had been standing next to Mario, watching the new arrival expectantly, even though he didn’t think Geno was a threat. The other wolf had spent too much time negotiating on his own behalf to be allowed into another pack’s territory, and even more to be allowed to play with the team. But all the same, new wolves made Sidney antsy. Written for the multi-fandom Werewolf Big Bang.

As road roommates and partners in crime, Burish and Sharpie consider it their god-given responsibility to torment the young stars on their team. One night, they get more then they bargained for.

Evgeni doesn't want to be responsible for a slave. (AKA The Eagle AU that spends almost ZERO time north of the wall)

Stiles wants to win for America, okay? He wants to bone that constipated expression off of Derek Hale’s face on a bed strewn with American flags while Bruce Springsteen plays in the background and a bald eagle watches through the window with a single tear rolling down its cheek.

Kaner tries to fuck his way out of love. That goes as well as you might imagine. That's my summary. But liketheroad's summary is also applicable: In which THERE IS A BACHELOR AUCTION TO SAVE ALL THE PUPPIES OF CHICAGO AND TAZER IS THE ONE WHO HAS TO SAVE THOSE PUPPIES AND KANER TRIES TO FUCK HIS WAY OUT OF LOVE BUT OH TOO BAD FOR YOU KANER, YOU HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS FOR THAT.

sometimes you have to go down before you can go out.

Patrick knows the Blackhawks have been not-so-subtly shopping around for someone who could bond with number-three-draft-pick Jonathan Toews, but it’s still a little weird for him to be sitting down with a couple of their suits in a conference room he didn’t even know existed.

“Patrick wonders idly what Toews' daemon is; something like a python, maybe, or a bird of prey. It would just figure if it were a hawk, Patrick thinks in disgust; he's already starting to hate Toews a little so he tries to dial it back. Then he notices a big cat—some kind of, like, mountain lion—sitting well apart from the other daemons. It's watching the ice intently, and if Patrick had anyone to bet with, he knows where he'd put his money.”

Stiles wants to win for America, okay? He wants to bone that constipated expression off of Derek Hale’s face on a bed strewn with American flags while Bruce Springsteen plays in the background and a bald eagle watches through the window with a single tear rolling down its cheek.

Oshie really wants Kaner to measure Jonny's dick.

There's a curse mark on the back of Sidney's neck.

Kaner kicks off his twenty-eighth birthday party with an exponential crisis. Jonny frowns at him. “You’re having a crisis of ever-more-rapidly-increasing numbers?”

Pat's relationship with the media has been fraught since she was drafted, second round, home to Buffalo. Her relationship with her new Captain, when she eventually winds up in Chicago a couple of years later, doesn't start off a whole lot better. But by the time she's flying back from Biel, she's willing to admit that she had missed their thing just a little, weird as he's always been around her.

Author's summary: Pat's relationship with the media has been fraught since she was drafted, second round, home to Buffalo. Her relationship with her new Captain, when she eventually winds up in Chicago a couple of years later, doesn't start off a whole lot better. But by the time she's flying back from Biel, she's willing to admit that she had missed their thing just a little, weird as he's always been around her.

"Thirteen year old Pat Kane has short hair and a shorter temper, stands at five foot nothing and wants you to know about it. He plays hockey like he'll die if he can't, and if you have a problem with him, you have a problem with his whole team. That's the way he's always wanted it."

Five Times Jonny Noticed Kaner and One Time Kaner Noticed Her Back “I mean it, Tazer baby. We’re gonna show those boys how it’s done.” And Jonny looked her up and down one more time, before reaching out to tug a few curls into place, flicking her on the nose once for good measure. “We always do,” she said, and her gaze was locked on Kaner’s and Kaner felt like she could take over the entire world.

Beneath the ice, dread things lie dreaming. Or listening to One Direction, whatever.

Beyond that door is a boy Sid has skated with six times, and spoken to twice. He’s a year older than Sid is, and drugged out of his mind on Bonding agent.

Five times the Penguins assumed Sid was dating Geno, and one time the Capitals knew otherwise.

On the one hand, it's pretty much the weirdest turn of events to ever hit the world in the history of ever. On the other hand, at least it happened during the off-season.

Four dreams Geno accidentally shared.

Nate just wants Sid to be hurt and vulnerable around him. No, hold on, that came out wrong.

Sidney takes care of his wolves.

Of course Tyler knows that intense hockey makes a sub more susceptible to going under, but he hadn't really experienced it much before. Now, when he’s on his knees on the ice drinking beer out of the Worlds trophy that Sidney Fucking Crosby is holding to his mouth, he can recognize the signs. He can feel a haze settling around the edges of his mind, and he’s spent enough time subbing, and drunk, and subbing while drunk, to know which one of those this is.

Crosby’s Biggest Secret! For years, Crosby has been famously quiet about his personal life. But now sources close to Crosby have confirmed that the secretive star has been keeping an even bigger secret than we thought! Meet the heir to his hockey throne—a son! Geno almost drops his phone.

Sid strips to finance his hockey habit. Geno attempts to tip with hockey gear. Somehow, they make it work.

RainyForecast)

Alex Ovechkin talks dirty to Sidney Crosby, and then gives Zhenya some much-needed advice. Because he’s a nice guy like that.

The hydrophones have been picking up nonsense for the past three days and Zhenya has had it up to here, honestly.

There was a kid in Geno's yard.

Geno keeps the mental door closed to his teammates in the summer, at least when he can help it; he doesn’t always check in like Sid does. They have other ways of doing that, text and email and social media, and now is the time when they’re supposed to have a break from each other. Geno likes having his head to himself. It’s good for him to get it in order for the next season.

Sidney is not living out a Hellish version of The Little Mermaid, except for the parts where he kind of is.

DON’T LET ANYONE FEED YOU BISCUITS FROM A TUBE, JACK ZIMMERMAN!!! The AU where Jack is a Pittsburgh Penguin

If it's a choice between bonding and hockey, Zhenya is going to choose hockey every time.

For Anna’s sixth birthday, they take her to the ballet. [Sidney Crosby becomes a dance dad. Geno is bemused.]

Geno's a dom and only a dom, Sidney's a sub who doms sometimes but only because people keep asking her nicely, and all their feelings for each other are entirely platonic. Yeah right.

Sid comes out. This is what happens next.