Of course he’d have his big gay revelation about his former teammate, in Columbus, during the middle of the fucking zombie apocalypse. That is the life of Jeff fucking Carter, as fucked up and pathetic as humanly possible.

25, openly bisexual and even more openly disinclined to stick around for breakfast, blond, and possessed of a college education that passed through 3 Ivies before ending up at a State campus that has a new Kane-funded Economics building, Patrick Kane is an open book. Less of a mystery novel and more of a cartoon pamphlet on avoiding STDs. Jon wishes he’d listened to his mom when she told him George Devereux from down the street had work going in his lawnmower repair business.

Kaner tries to fuck his way out of love. That goes as well as you might imagine. That's my summary. But liketheroad's summary is also applicable: In which THERE IS A BACHELOR AUCTION TO SAVE ALL THE PUPPIES OF CHICAGO AND TAZER IS THE ONE WHO HAS TO SAVE THOSE PUPPIES AND KANER TRIES TO FUCK HIS WAY OUT OF LOVE BUT OH TOO BAD FOR YOU KANER, YOU HAVE TOO MANY FEELINGS FOR THAT.

It's one thing to know that Kaner and Tazer are weird about each other, and another thing to actually see it. (or: several people who unfortunately had to interact with them, and one time they got to be alone).

five times Patrick Kane unsuccessfully flirted with other Olympic athletes, and one time he didn't get shot down. with Kane being cheesy and persistent but not creepy or coercive? het and/or slash bonus points for Kaner trying to flirt with both Lamoureux sisters (either separately or together) and crashing and burning miserably :P