Sid refuses to be jealous of something that's two and a half feet high and can't play hockey. OR: The Pittsburgh Zoo named some penguins after the Penguins, and no one will let Sid forget the one named after him has its shit together, because all his friends are assholes. Also there's pining.

Sid already has a stand mixer, a $400 blender, and one of the nice waffle makers you can flip with the handle, the kind they have at waffle bars in hotels. Geno has two magnetic racks of chef knives. Do they really need a wedding registry? Do they really need a registry at Williams-Sonoma?

The entire building is decked out for Christmas. Sparkling lights, the rich, glowing reds and greens of masses and masses of poinsettia flowers. It’s not hard to realize what’s going on. It feels like every titled, unmarried man between the ages of 20 and 40 who likes other men is here. Unbelievable. They’re marrying the King off with a fucking Cinderella-style ball.

“They asked me, today, in an interview with Sid right next to me, about that thing I said last year. About leaving the Penguins, being a big star somewhere else.” “And you’re, what? Afraid he’s going to be angry with you?” Zhenya squirms. He feels hot and prickly, his emotions a soupy mess he can’t grasp in order to make sense of. “I think… I think I’m afraid he won’t be.”

“Oh my God, shut up Danny, you went to play for the Habs, you don’t know my pain.” Or, Claude Giroux gets traded to the Penguins.

The first time Geno sees Sidney Crosby he’s crying into Tanger’s shoulder as Sid learns how to walk again on the big screen.

Probably, Phil should call his mom. Bozie should call his mom. They should have called a bunch of people already. Bozie is currently buying furniture off the internet and Phil is watching Ancient Aliens on the History Channel. This is the episode about the pyramids that Phil's seen at least three times.

Evgeni Malkin is a star forward and three-time Art Ross Trophy winner. Sidney Crosby is the head chef of Nouma, a Halifax restaurant that boasts two Michelin stars. They cross paths in Pittsburgh.

Jack invites Bitty up for a visit while he's training in Toronto over the summer. To the utter surprise of nobody who's ever met him, Bitty spends a lot of time baking.

Dylan and Alex agree to be in a promo video for the Winter Classic. There's... a lot of footage that had to be cut out.