Love advice with Canadians: the clueless leading the clueless who is in love with clueless.

"Penis doodles are encouraged on all homework. Awful innuendos are allowed. Extra credit if you can get me to laugh at them. And don't hit on me unless you're legal, 'cause I got crazy shit for that last time." (or, what Patrick Kane would be like as a sex ed instructor)

"Does it change you, being turned?" Patrick asks. "I mean, obviously the physical stuff, but does it change who you are?" Erica takes off her helmet, then leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "It depends on how much the physical stuff makes you who you are, I guess."

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

By the fourth time Crosby has hung up on him, Alex has to admit that this has gone from funny to, frankly, a little hurtful.

In which Sidney Crosby goes for a walk one day, and somehow most of the NHL ends up worshipping a defaced Winnipegian brick. It's all Jonny Toews' fault.

Jonathan Toews is a certified, bonafide, pedigreed geek. Luckily he's their geek, so it works out okay.

It really shouldn't be any surprise to anyone that Geno Malkin decides to visit Jurassic World to see the dinosaurs (after all, there's a reason there's an entire tumblr dedicated to pictures of him with animals). But when things go wrong and Geno ends up stranded, it's up to Sidney Crosby to put together a team to rescue his boyfri--er, teammate.

Ninety percent of everyone's problems could be solved by a robot that just texted NO to hockey players on a regular basis. Unfortunately, Sidney didn't have a robot.

“What kind of pleasure do you want to offer the Lover?” Sid asks. People usually want sex, of course, but not always – Sid’s had supplicants who just wanted to make out, or cuddle, or flirt… and one memorable supplicant who wanted to give him a massage, which was awesome. She confessed to Sid afterward that she’d gone in intending to have sex, but “when I saw those muscles, I was like, damn, I need to get my hands all over that!”

RainyForecast)

Hilary is okay with having a rep if it means NHL stars bring her Cheetos.