There's a lot of different ways this summary could go, like: Patrick Kane gets more than a gold medal in Sochi. Or, the classic: It's too late to pull out now. Or: Patrick Kane continues to thrive in high pressure situations. Or: Patrick Kane gets knocked up, goes to White Castle, and finds love, not necessarily in that order. But, ultimately, all that really matters is this: Patrick Kane is keeping his baby.

"The lawyers have found a pretty good loophole," Pat said. "It's not a loophole, it's a long-standing cultural tradition," Mario said, glancing at Sidney. "It's a fucking loophole," Pat reiterated. "But it's a great one."

"You know how every summer you joke about how I should collar you, for the league rule?" "Yeah?" Sid shoots a sideways look at Nate, but Nate is just sipping his beer, not looking back. "What if I took you up on that?"