The last thing you want to do with the guy you've been hung up on for ages is teach him how to be decent at sex. So of course, that's exactly what Geno does. Featuring interfering Russians, thorough devirginization, and equal parts alcohol imbibing and hockey playing.

Geno is sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Sidney has a dresser drawer full of sex toys, but right now he's drawing a blank.

Eric’s always been pretty discreet about hooking up with people, Cam can’t remember ever actually seeing him leave with anyone on these team outings. Most of the time he seems perfectly content to hang out with the team, hang out with Cam, even though he could hook up with just about anyone easily enough. Very easily, Cam thinks, a little grimly, as Eric ducks his head a little and the lights catch in his hair.

a version of the nhl where every rookie that makes the show is a virgin (though this is pretty variable), and every team has a couple of guys whose job on top of hockey is to fuck the rookie on camera. videos are passed on to every team captain because the captain of a winning team gets to choose a player from the losing team to fuck (or bestow upon another player on their team to fuck). as such, this series contains somewhat dubious consent inherent to the premise.

“Patrick,” Jonny cuts in. He’s breathing too hard. “You’re not supposed to touch me because I hurt people. My touch. It hurts people.” “Well, you didn’t hurt me,” Patrick says, flopping onto the bed.

If it's a choice between bonding and hockey, Zhenya is going to choose hockey every time.

After a while, Sid forgot that it was strange. Early on in Geno's second season, Sykora took Sid aside and said, “Look, what is going on with Malkin,” and it took Sid a moment to even figure out what he was talking about. Sid shrugged. “That's just how Geno is.” “Like a routine,” Sykora said, expression still skeptical. “A superstition?” “Sure,” Sid said. “Something like that.”

He knew this would happen, one day. He didn’t think Dylan would touch his dick for the first time on the bus, but.

Sidney wants to lose his virginity. Geno helps.

Sidney always knew his family would pick who he ended up with. It was how things were done, and no matter what the outside world thought, he'd never questioned it before because it was just the reality: ice was frozen, getting checked against the boards knocked the wind out of you, one day Sid would be matched to someone his parents and the matchmaker and his aunts and uncles and his community thought was the best fit for him. And best of all, Sidney wouldn't have to worry about it. He would just focus on hockey. He'd deal with it one day. Eventually. 'One day' had seemed so much farther away when he was younger.

It’s going to be a big deal, his mother had told him, and Nicklas had listened. His mom’s not an idiot. It’s going to be a big deal, she’d promised, if and when you find them. It’s going to be more than you thought it would, and if and when you know it, you’ll know it for sure.

Auston chuckles. “You must be really fucking demanding in bed.” “Yeah, I probably would be,” Mitch says. “Would be?” Auston repeats.

He wouldn’t know how to explain in any way that would make sense. Sometimes a monster fucks me in my dreams, and it leaves bruises. Sometimes I think I like it too much. That would definitely go over well.

“Uh, so when you said you could help me, did you mean…” Connor thinks that he understood Leon alright, but making sure is probably a good idea. Leon looks a little sheepish. “Not to sound super cocky or whatever, but I’ve been told I’m pretty good in bed. I could show you a thing or two. If you want.”

It’s fair, Noah thinks, to say he’s become an expert on how to handle Jack.

“Why can’t I just use your witch?” whines Connor, head resting on the kitchen table while Hallsy shuffles through a manila folder labeled “curse shit.” “She just rubbed foxglove on my wrists and told me not to have sex,” says Hallsy. “It was not very helpful, and also did you know that foxglove is poisonous?” “Yeah, if you eat it,” says Connor.

“Maybe you should practice on me,” Jordie says.

"The bond's fucked up, boys," Jamie says. There are nods around the room, from all the vets. "We gotta fix it." He says it like it's a general statement, like collectively they're all going to do something to fix it. Jason knows it's really directed at him.

Once you play your first NHL game, your captain gets to take your virginity. That's the way it's always been. It's tradition. How can John say no to tradition? How can John say no to Sidney Crosby?

Jeff Skinner's virginity is being auctioned off, and he doesn't know who to hope for - one of the Lords Staal? one of the Ladies Lamoureux? Lord Subban? Duke Jágr? Or perhaps the handsome, bearded stranger? A Hockey RPF/Kushiel's Legacy fusion.