Claude gets a new car. Cameron doesn't like it.

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

“BRO!” Bitty glances up from the kitchen - that’s a new voice - just in time to see Shitty fling himself across the room at a tall brunette girl. “Hils! Fucking shit, man, so great to see you! You didn’t say you were coming!” OR: The one in which Hilary Knight is Shitty's big sister.

It's not like Phil goes around telling people that his old team bought him his best friend like some people buy hookers. He can't really talk about it with Bozie, either, because Bozie will just say something like, "Come on, I provide the full girlfriend experience," which is so much worse than actually being offended.

Over the years, Mario has become accustomed to Sidney's many idiosyncrasies, but he has to admit the spontaneous de-aging is a bit unexpected.

Zhenya rode the Pens charter plane with the rest of the media crew: Michelle and Sam and the ROOT team. He went to bed too late and woke up way too fucking early. “Good thing you’re behind the camera instead of in front of it,” Michelle said one morning. She had a donut from the continental breakfast. Zhenya had two. “You look like me, too, if you don’t have all that makeup,” Zhenya told her crankily.

For Anna’s sixth birthday, they take her to the ballet. [Sidney Crosby becomes a dance dad. Geno is bemused.]

It’s already embarrassing enough when you accidentally call your teacher ‘mom’, but it’s a lot worse when it’s your captain, as Conor is about to discover. Sid just doesn’t remember signing any adoption papers.

“I adopted a dog,” Sidney explains, pointing to the bundle of grey fur on the other side of the dog park. “The vet thinks he’s probably a husky or malamute.” Phil glances at Sidney's dog, and then at Sidney. “... that isn't a husky," he says after a beat. Sidney shrugs. "Yeah, no. Probably a mutt, but I have to put something on the registration forms."

“So you’re boyfriends?” Connor and Dylan exchange a glance, and then Dylan says, “That’s not quite the word I’d use.” (Or: 5 times Dylan and Connor technically told the truth about their relationship.)

Nicklas drapes his towel over his shoulder. “Looking for a ride?” “It’s nap time,” Alex says with a shrug. “So we should nap.”

Nicky quickly typed 'Need to reschedule, the children need me tonight' before re-pocketing his phone and turning to an expectant André. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m going to go home and cook us dinner,” Nicky started, and André made an excited noise. “And you,” Nicky continued, “are going to bring Tom over to my house at 8 and we’ll all spend some time together.” A guide by the two dads of the Washington Capitals.

Only three guys on the Panthers have wings, which is low for a modern-day team.