I've been calling this The Sexual Misadventures of Sidney Crosby forever, and that gives you an idea, but just in case: in which Sidney wins a gold medal, has sex (a lot), falls in love (twice), and breaks a bunch of rules.

or, the many times Tyler Seguin tried to come out on Twitter and no one believed him.

Sidney Crosby has known a few things for most of his life: he knows that he loves hockey more than anything, he knows that 87 is his lucky number, and he knows that he’s gay.

When NHL star Patrick Kane's off-ice antics finally get him into trouble for the last time, captain and best friend Jonathan Toews has one final trump card to keep him from being traded: marriage...to each other. But between being the first openly gay hockey players, facing down a lockout, and the fact that Patrick has been in love with Jonny for years, will these two ever be able to work past their miscommunication to realize that their marriage may not be as much of a sham as they think it is? Written for the Harlequin Big Bang 2013.

Geno will always love his country. Even if it doesn't always love him back.

"You're on Puck Daddy," Taylor said, instead of a greeting. Sidney sank back into the pillows. "So? What's new?" "The headline is 'Best Hockey Player in the World Sidney Crosby Taken Out by Eight Year Old, Breaks Arm in Mite Hockey Game.'"

After one scandal too many, Patrick Kane gets traded. Eventually it stops being the worst thing to ever happen to him.

The State of Marriage by iBear read aloud. 3hrs20mins. Geno will always love his country. Even if it doesn't always love him back.

Jack has everything he's always wanted. Sort of.

On the government's classified mutant register—and on the NHL's records—Sidney is listed as Sidney Patrick Crosby, Nova Scotia, Canada: Class Two. Death visions, skin contact required.

Jonny’s prostate is a gift from the gods. Patrick’s patience, also.

After one scandal too many, Patrick Kane gets traded. Eventually it stops being the worst thing that's ever happened to him.

The first Zhenya heard about it was an email from Sidney in the middle of August.

Zhenya rode the Pens charter plane with the rest of the media crew: Michelle and Sam and the ROOT team. He went to bed too late and woke up way too fucking early. “Good thing you’re behind the camera instead of in front of it,” Michelle said one morning. She had a donut from the continental breakfast. Zhenya had two. “You look like me, too, if you don’t have all that makeup,” Zhenya told her crankily.

Over the years, Mario has become accustomed to Sidney's many idiosyncrasies, but he has to admit the spontaneous de-aging is a bit unexpected.

Jack has everything he's always wanted. Sort of.

A fill for this prompt I saw on tumblr: plot bunny: hockey player of your choice comes out to his team/comes out to his new team/has always been out but is generally quiet about it. his team is cautiously supportive of his sexuality. they are, however, astonished and outraged to learn that dudes do not often consider their out teammate a catch.

He hopes four sandwiches will be enough to get them both through this. Sid's angst makes Geno really hungry. or: 5 hockey players Sidney Crosby doesn't have a crush on. (+1 oblivious idiot he loves)

They met by accident, fate, Geno always says, three years ago.

They're three of the biggest names in the sport and, to be quite honest, they're sick of the things the league tacitly condones. There are issues in the league that no one will talk about but maybe--just maybe--by taking a stand they can start to change things.

The first time Sidney met Jack Zimmermann, it was mid July and he was sitting at the kitchen table of his parent’s house in Montreal. It wasn't until more than two years later that he realised Jack was in love with a boy called Eric. EDIT: extra chapter added 21/03/2017. Jack wins the cup, comes out, and Sid Reacts™

DON’T LET ANYONE FEED YOU BISCUITS FROM A TUBE, JACK ZIMMERMAN!!! The AU where Jack is a Pittsburgh Penguin

Sid comes out. This is what happens next.

Sid is asleep when Geno comes crashing into the bedroom. Sid had been sleeping the sleep of the post-hockey season depressed, so it takes a few minutes for him to realize Geno is speaking and seems to think Sid is listening. “Wait, what?” Sid says. He pushes himself up onto his elbows and squints at Geno. “What?” “I marry you, I become American, yeah?” Geno asks, waving his hands in the air. Sid’s arms give in and he flops back to the bed, getting a mouth full of pillow. Sid has no idea what Geno’s talking about. They have a marriage plan, but it’s definitely not a right-now plan, it’s a years-down-the-road plan. He turns over and frowns up at Geno. “I’m Canadian.” (a response to the recent 'outlawing gay' nonsense in St. Petersburg).

“So,” the first reporter asks, pushing forward in the scrum, “did you know about Alex Ovechkin?”

A writer from Alex's past outs him in an essay. What's a guy to do but marry his former best friend?

Five people (well, technically six) who already knew Sasha and Nicky were together and the one person they surprised.

Jordie is a totally supportive brother, which is why he's hiring Jamie a stripper.

Connor McDavid comes out on a Saturday. It is raining. He tangles his hand in Aaron Ekblad’s and says, “Does anybody have any questions?”

“I didn’t even have my dick out, what’re you freaking about,” Tom says, which is probably not the best way to ease his roommate into his sexual proclivities.

“I’m gonna be a groomsman,” Mitch says, then flops dramatically into the chair across from Auston, grabs Auston’s glass of whiskey, and takes a long sip. It burns as it goes down, and he makes a face. “Again.”

“What happened?” Sid croaks to the nurse. “Can I play hockey?” She pauses where she’s fixing the heart rate monitor on his finger. “The doctor will be in to see you in the morning,” she tells him. “It’s good you’re awake, sweetheart. Your alpha was very worried about you.”

Eric Bittle becomes the first openly gay professional hockey player when he's signed by the Seattle Schooners after graduating from Samwell. A series of stories that chronicle how he manages newfound fame, judgment, and a secret relationship with his former college captain.

Dylan Strome goes to Edmonton to deal with, like, a lot of stuff. Mostly Connor, because they're apparently bonded, or whatever.

It’s okay to be a wolf in the NHL now. That’s what everyone tells Dylan, anyway. To Podfic: "I Love the Riddles That You Speak" & "Race Like Falcons to Crash and Burn"

“Wait, so you’ve all tried it?” Jonny asks.

Some things in life are certain. Roses are red, violets are blue, Connor McDavid excels at hockey and he really—really—doesn't like sex.

When the lights come back on after the Pride Tape presentation and the boys start to stir, Connor looks at Ebs, sitting on the floor in front of him, and he says, without thinking, "Is this about me?" Everyone within earshot freezes.

[8:03 am] is it considered unpatriotic to lose your virginity to a russian hockey captain? asking for a friend

Nolan flips to his messages, but as expected, it’s mostly just unoriginal openers—who’s going to respond to sup, honestly—and unflattering dick pics. He rolls his eyes and goes back to the profiles. He comes across one guy, just a scant two miles away, who actually has his face in his profile picture, which is a refreshing change. He’s cute, longish dark hair with a sneaky smile, and his name is Travis. Nolan has never started a conversation with anyone before, but again: antsy and horny. He debates for an embarrassingly long time over what to say and finally settles on something simple. And dumb, probably, but the magic of anonymity is that he doesn’t really give a shit. And at least it’s miles better than a dick pic of a soft dick, which Nolan didn’t know was actually a thing until he got more than one. The bar is low, is what he’s saying here.

For Patrick, half the point of coming out was to finally be able to have decent sex. He just wasn't expecting it to be with Jonny.