just two hormonal teenaged boys talking about their dicks.

"I accept your body!" Stiles says hurriedly. "I accept you. Sexually." There is a pause. Derek says, "Thanks."

Terezi is the best at sexting.

Kane blows past Toews' D and circles around, looking for an opening... and he finds one, taking a hard slapper, and Toews gets a piece of that.

It's all Sam's fault, really. It had just been research. Then it got way out of hand. Or, in which, fanfiction takes over their lives for better and for worse.

Krypto likes to take care of Kon as much as Kon likes to take care of Krypto. When Kon is hungry, Krypto fetches him food. When Kon is sleepy, Krypto fetches him blankets. And when Kon is horny, Krypto fetches him Tim. Which leaves Kon the not-so-fun job of awkwardly explaining to Red Robin why he's been dragged to Smallville in the middle of the night by a well-meaning superdog.

Kon has a crisis. Tim wears pajamas.

"What's in it for me?"

"Jane's cute," Clint says, shoveling yet another sloppy joe into his pie-hole. Darcy has been watching him inhale a disturbing amount of food for the last half-hour. This is why she likes eating lunch with the guys instead of why-yes-I'd-love-some-brussel-sprouts-on-the-side Sharon. They're good for her ego. She may eat like a hippo, but she'll never eat as much as Steve, Clint, or Barnes. "She's totally on my FUCK shortlist." All of a sudden the crystal clear sky outside cracks with the loudest thunder Darcy has ever heard in her life. The windows rattle. Everyone freezes. Darcy can practically hear everyone's assholes tighten in fear. Because across the commissary, Thor is looking at their table. And it ain't raining panties this time. Just righteous, godly anger. -- The dudes FINALLY play MARRY FUCK KILL, not-so-Avengers edition. (Because there's like ONE actual female Avenger. Thanks, SHIELD.) Wherein no one follows the rules, everyone still kills Tony, the Mets suck, (lots of theoretical threesomes?!), and Darcy turns Clint into a hypothetical honey badger. (And honey badger don't care. Honey badger don't give a shit.)

"You can't tell me you didn't pick up jack shit while you were living with the tongue freak and his harem of boytoys." It shouldn't be difficult for three teammates and friends to figure out how they fit, both figuratively, and... not. And yet.

The not so epic romance of Dorian Pavus of the illustrious House Pavus and Hissrad-- more commonly known as The Iron Bull-- of the Ben-Hassrath.

Iron Bull is almost certainly playing games with him. Dorian is particularly sure of this when he's been drinking.

Kon has a crisis. Tim wears pajamas.

A super-cracky modern!AU where Akatsuki is a group of quasi-reformed terrorists and former suicide squad now (nominally) on the side of the angels, saving the planet their own way. Mostly accidentally. Or through recycling. (That's entirely Obito's fault.)

So, um. Terezi is kissing her. By the way. "Wowza. Lesbos R Us, at long last. I knew that day would come. Anyone got a camera." Terezi has a lot more teeth to get nibbly with than Karkat and her tongue is way longer and oh lord does she know how to use it. Jade wonders to herself, vaguely, why she never kissed her boyfriends' girlfriend before. That was a really silly oversight. Mmm. "Haha, shut up, Dave, you've been modeling for the Gay Dudes R You catalogue for like three years now." "Like you can talk, Mister It's Not Gay If He Doesn't Have Balls To Touch." -- oneshot, plus a couple of ficlet sequels.

Tobirama doesn’t give a damn about gender roles and gender-assigned clothing. Madara really, really doesn’t mind. (Or, Tobirama in thigh-highs and heels. Madara's a fan.)

This is how Sidney Crosby ends up in Alex Ovechkin's living room, one wolf cub in his lap and another gnawing on his Reeboks.

Once upon a time there was virginal, chaste Kagome. And then there wasn't.

Crown Prince Obito elopes with the blacksmith’s son. Madara hardly expects his day to get worse from there, but he forgot to factor in his ridiculous brother, his nephew’s cunning, and the return of a distractingly attractive sea god he’d really rather remain in his past. There's only one direction for things to go from there, and it’s definitely not up.

Peter’s known Wade for a while now, so he can maybe see how this makes sense -- like, maybe Wade has a thing about going commando and just happened to have an old girlfriend’s panties lying around, one thing led to another…but… “And the bra?” Peter croaks.

The name’s Deadpool, and I’m here to tell you about how me and the great Steve Rogers hooked up. Spoiler alert, it was banging hot.

Usually I’m not the kinda guy to end things prematurely, but you may have noticed that a certain scene in my movie (I know you know the one I mean) got cut off before it really had a chance to get started. So here it is, for all your perverted pegging pleasure: my full-length, uncut account of International Women’s Day.

In a world where Omegas far outnumber Alphas, a dowry system is in place. The Omega’s family offers a dowry in order to secure a respectable Alpha match, with the highest dowries netting the “best” Alphas. Aunt May struggles to secure an Alpha for her Omega nephew’s first heat. All her meager savings can afford is a butt-ugly (by his own admission) Alpha without much experience to speak of. Peter would rather go unmated than lose his virginity to a guy that can’t go five seconds without making a Monty Python reference. However, it seems Peter has no choice…

"Nozaki, how are we supposed to have sex like this?!"

Zoro and Sanji's second time. The less said about the first...

Krem’s grin fades into a quiet smirk, his eyes warm and amused, and Cullen does not forget how to move his legs because he is a grown man, a leader of soldiers, commander of the Inquisition’s army. He breaks the silence by coughing loudly, because he is also an imbecile.

Jason's the Red Hood and being the Red Hood gives him sex magic. Duh.

Give Yamamoto an inch, and he'll try to take a mile. Hibari's not entirely sure he approves of that.

Growing up in the Mafia isn't necessarily an easy or kind thing. The earth spins, life moves on, and Tsuna finds himself taking slow steps forward, back and forward again. (Or, ten times that Tsuna remembers it being easier to have sex with Xanxus rather than dealing with the insanity of the world around him)

Aka everyone is a superhero or a sidekick or a damsel in distress in true comic style. Includes terrible hero names, almost everyone wearing spandex (Sakumo why must you be sensible and break the mold you nerd), ridiculousness, secret identity fails, and all of my favorite crack pairings. I would be sorry, but that would require a sense of shame and I misplaced mine long ago.

"That's fine, you can go back to your own ship," Luffy dismissed easily. "But later on, when I become Pirate King, we're getting married!" The declaration held the kind of absolute finality that only Luffy could be capable of, and Law felt his jaw drop. NOW COMPLETE :D

The Asgardians' ship stops for supplies. The price is not what Thor and Loki had expected; the aliens demand nothing less than a public royal fucking. Ok, it's not like it's the weirdest thing they've ever done.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

The thing about Karkat Vantas is, he might be a pompous, noisy windbag with an inflated opinion of his own importance, and if he was suddenly struck down by some kind of vicious troll laryngitis the universe's total amount of chill and quiet would suddenly go up three levels... But turns out he's also a great fuck.

Zabuza's first mission out of the village with his genin team takes them right through hostile territory. What a surprise that it goes south.

The breakup starts with Magnus. Well, no, it doesn’t. The breakup starts when Alec finally says the words “I’m gay,” and Jace says “Okay?” and Alec looks at Magnus, out and proud, and happy, and he knows that he wants that. He wants to be able to hold hands, and kiss, and have sex without worrying about leaving hickeys where they might be seen. Or: Alec wants a public relationship. He can't do that with Jace, so they break up, not very cleanly. Magnus steps in, and then Jace gets jealous.

The morning Eddie wakes up with his first hard-on in his post-Venom life, he finds himself at a bit of a loss. -- Learning to get sexy with your symbiote.

The best revenge is living well. And maybe also spitefully staging a minor political coup to take over Konoha as payback for getting stuck in an arranged marriage.

Once the scent came to his nose, Oberyn had to pursue it. He had to find the source.

Kaneki's whole body goes warm. He can smell Hide's scent, warm and rich and compelling, watch the dilation of his pupils in deep brown irises, see the lightness of the ends of his short hair, brittle from bleach. Hide is just a bit taller than he is. He really does have a very nice face – Kaneki had noticed when he came in, but now he notices all over again. "Hey," whispers Hide. “Hey,” Kaneki breathes back, not daring to move or speak up. “Are we,” Hide licks his lips, “having a Moment?” ____________ Or "How Kaneki Ken wanted to go to the convenience store, but got laid instead."

Eijirou ignores the thousands of notifications he has—as an extremely popular "fitness" model on Instagram, the constant onslaught is just background noise to him at this point. His latest post is doing extremely well, but that was almost a given, since it was an especially risqué photoshoot with a company that makes leather body harnesses. Their newest chest harness (in red, of course) is particularly good for highlighting one of his best assets—his pecs. The message in question, from Instagram user @candocandid, is only a few days old: Hey! Wow, thanks so much for the follow back?! Totally wasn't expecting that haha -- Midoriya Izuku is a popular Instagram photographer who is just as pretty as his photos, and Eijirou wants a piece.

'Body sushi under regular circumstances often doesn't go beyond merely erotic, and touching the models in actual restaurants is usually strictly forbidden. Nantaimori, where a male model is used, is also much more rare. Today, it seems, they'll be tossing those conventions right out the window. His excitement is already high, but when Hinata gets closer and sees who it is on the table, he can barely contain his glee. "Kageyama-kun!" he exclaims, waving as the prone figure on the table shifts their head ever so slightly to look in his direction. "Good to see you again!" ' -- Hinata gets treated to a delicious meal.

When Zevran is hired by the Grey Wardens to help take out a Venatori stronghold, an experimental plant there releases spores that inflict Alistair with a particularly unusual debilitating effect. Zevran's treatment of him proves to be surprising for both parties.

Her prompt was to write something about WWX and LWJ ascending to become deities; I took the liberty of slightly crossing over MDZS with Heaven Official's Blessing for the worldbuilding, and set myself the goal of bringing a smile to the faces of Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen. So: a story in which the newly-ascended bunny gods set out to give Jiang Cheng's love life a boost, and find a way of cheering up Lan Xichen along the way.

“I once heard a rumour that this is how Lan An and his cultivation partner did it,” Ma Qiao piped up. “Which, I mean, if anyone could…” “The Lans are far too boring and repressed for something like this,” Wei Wuxian said, with the authority of one who had been resoundingly ignored by a Lan for the past month. “Can you imagine Lan Wangji dual cultivating?” Everyone knows that dual cultivation is a myth that only works in porn. Wei Wuxian discovers differently.

Wei Wuxian is the local malevolent demigod who keeps getting sent virgin sacrifices when he'd much rather be left alone. But then one day, the villagers offer him a virgin he just can't resist...

So.... what exactly did Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang get up to while Wei Ying was getting Lan Zhan drunk? In at least one reality, the answer is: Wow. Just. Really, quite a lot. or JC and NH have drunken virginal sex and discover that they are exactly each other's type. In that order. or NH discovers that JC has an unusual physiology and proceeds to lock that shit down.

Wei Ying wants to rob him, but it wouldn’t even be satisfying, since this guy is just—giving away money. With his nice fingers. Maybe Wei Ying will just bite his fingers, and that will give the same endorphin rush as robbing him. / a day told across five parts.

A month and a half into his duties, a letter arrives. Lan Zhan, it reads, I miss you already. Throw over your responsibilities and meet me at the western ridge at Qixi. Yours, Wei WuXian. -- Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi parted ways after Yunping — but not forever. [!!CQL verse!!]

A very specific part of Jin Ling's Yunmeng Jiang heritage makes itself known when he comes of age. His friends help him out.