A collection of ficlet-like rambles and other HP-centric stuff from my tumblr. Ficlet-Ramble #1: Seventh-Year will put Your Name in GOF for a Sickle You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you're going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.

No one in their right minds would ever expect it of him, and that’s why he’s the one best-suited to the job.

Hibari Kyouya travels in time and takes over the world. Basically crack.

No one in their right minds would ever expect it of him, and that’s why he’s the one best-suited to the job.

“Midoriya,” Aizawa said slowly as if the sound of his name alone took ten years off his life. “I’m going to need you to run that by me again.” “I said I need to punch Endeavor in the face.” “That’s what I thought you said.”

oh my god I just read a post that was like “fuck this nonsense send MACE WINDU back in time to unfuck the prequels!!” and now I will never, ever be satisfied until I find the 300k version of that fic, ever. I NEED THIS FIC LIKE I NEED AIR. WHY IS THIS FIC NOT ALREADY IN MY HANDS??

Dragon Age II AU: In which Hawke meets Flemeth and the prologue goes differently. You shouldn't say, "I want to be a dragon," to a witch. What are you going to do if she takes you seriously?

For a prompt on my Tumblr: de-aged oro???? he was such a cute kid and i can just see everybody going wtf.

Obito turns himself into the Whomping Willow. It goes great, right up until people start making a nuisance of themselves under his roots.

Once upon a time, Harry Potter hid for two hours from Dudley in a chemistry classroom, while a nice graduate student explained about the scientific method and interesting facts about acids. A pebble thrown into the water causes ripples. Contains, in no particular order: magic candymaking, Harry falling in love with a house, evil kitten Draco Malfoy, and Hermione attempting to apply logic to the wizarding world.

When Uzumaki Naruto breathed his last, he didn’t expect to wake up in the world of the living again. He was old, and tired, and so, so ready to move on. And, well...he wanted to see his wife again, dammit. But, of course, that wasn't what happened. Why? Naruto screamed at the powers-that-loved-to-fuck-with-his-life-and-now-his-afterlife-too, with tears streaking down his cheeks, feeling cold, weak, hungry, and utterly disgusted. Because you’re everybody’s bitch, Kurama helpfully supplied.

Nie MingJue wakes up. And that doesn't make sense, because he knows he died. Aka: After everything is said and done, Nie MingJue gets brought back Wei WuXian-style and tries to figure out just what on earth happened in the meantime. In the process he also reunites with his brother, drags Lan XiChen out of seclusion, becomes drinking buddies with Wei WuXian, learns about Jin GuangYao's downfall, meets the next generation, and features (not always intentionally) in a number of reconciliations.

What if when Nie Huaisang went back in time to save his brother, he brought not only himself but the rest of the Sect? AKA the fic where the Nie Sect is very overprotective of their Sect Leader and Nie Mingjue is very confused.

In preparing their ambush, the Jin sect was careful to get rid of all the human corpses at the Qiongqi Path - They forgot that the reason the path got its name was that, many years ago, Wen Mao killed the great beast, the Qiongi - and when Wei Wuxian started playing, he noticed that there was still some dead thing, deep beneath the ground...

In one galaxy, the novel was never read. In another, it starts a landslide. Or what happens when the Mandalorians learn that the Jedi are exactly what most of them look for in a partner.

“I can’t believe you ruined my boots,” Leia says, outraged, and pushes Dooku’s face further into the mud.

“No, please repeat that,” Lao Nie said. He had his fingers drilled into his temples and was rubbing them in nice, calming circular motions that were doing absolutely nothing to stem his headache. “I’m not sure I heard you correctly. What was that about...did you really say 'enrichment and stimulation'?” “It’s about Wen Zhuliu,” Nie Huaisang chirped, and Nie Mingjue, standing next to him and holding his hand in encouragement, nodded in agreement. “And how he's been ever since he joined the Nie sect. We haven’t been using him enough, or at least not in the way he’s accustomed to being used. So we’re worried that he’s starting to feel like we don’t appreciate him.” “Don’t appreciate him.” “Uh-huh. Because he did all that work to learn the Core-Melting Technique, and you almost never let him use it, so we’re worried that maybe he’s – you know – da-ge, what’s the word…” “Unfulfilled.”

The Republic sends a combat photographer to be attached to the 212th until further notice, citing the need for a morale boost. The clones make up a fake clone, citing the absolute fact that it is very funny. Somehow, these two things save the galaxy.

A CPS agent gets sent to investigate a tip that Tim Drake has been abandoned by his parents and is living with the Red Hood. The CPS agent leaves with no Tim Drake, a date with Red Hood's lieutenant, and an intern who's promising to fix the IT systems at his office. It's a weird day for Theo.

Kaminari walks up to Todoroki in the hallway after class and says, “Dude, I need your help.” Todoroki checks over his shoulder, twice, to verify that Kaminari is indeed talking to him. “Why?” “Yesterday you asked Shinsou-kun if he was Aizawa-sensei’s son,” Kaminari says, as though that explains anything at all. “...yes?” “Make a hero conspiracy YouTube channel with me.”

For most people, dying and waking up in your eight-year-old body is a second chance at life. For Dabi, it is a chance to make his shitty father’s life a living hell. Or: Dabi sucks at this whole time travelling thing. In his defence though, there’s really not much a kid can do in the grand scheme of things… or so he thought.

Waking up two years before their adventure even began was a surprise. The Straw Hats have to find each other again and make their way back to the New World and their dreams. Dealing with younger, weaker bodies and the weight of future knowledge they will find it's not as easy as a simple do-over. Every change has an effect on themselves and on the world. This story will quickly diverge from cannon. It will mix up, move around and ignore entire arcs. These guys are not looking for a boring adventure when they already have answers. What's the point in doing it all the same?

Sometime between the end of the war and when Fox got shot, Coruscant Guard CMO Basher got their hands on the good drugs. That was the only explanation, really. Someone (Thorn) also made the mistake of giving Fox a datapad.

“It’s not a quirk,” Izuku tells the poor sod, who looks like he needs to catch up on four years of sleep and has been combating that fact with caffeine pills and spite alone. “It’s breathing. I’m literally just breathing. Do you want me to stop breathing?” he demands. When Eraserhead glares at him like he’s murdered someone (which he has, technically, but what is someone, really), Izuku sniffs righteously and says, “Stop glaring at me!” Eraserhead takes a deep breath. “Breathing, yes, like that,” Izuku says eagerly. “Want to see me do it too?” “No,” says Eraserhead. Midoriya Izuku's family tree may or may not include one Kamado Tanjirou.

"I'm not paranoid!" Haruta hisses, eyes darting everywhere. "Ace is either the best liar I've ever met, or--well, he's not, because if he was I wouldn't suspect anything, but I do, I suspect he's a spy!" The Life and Times Of Portgas D Ace, Totally A Marine Spy

Who is the best big brother? Of course it's Ace! (Also: Another day aboard Moby Dick.)

Sabo and Koala visit Amestris and take back a souvenir which is fortunate because Ace really needs all the help he can get after his brush with Akainu. Or Ace becomes a merman because of reasons.

in which Ned doesn't die but wargs into one pigeon instead. Incidentally, it doesn't stop him from preventing a war and saving both his family and the entirety of Westeros.

He’d been pacing across the deck, considering in which direction to search next, when a great beam of light suddenly shot up into the sky far ahead; a beacon, a herald, a return. Surely, such a powerful thing could only come from one source, one which had to be- Zuko collapsed to the deck before he even had a chance to demand if Uncle Iroh knew what it meant.

For most people, dying and waking up in your eight-year-old body is a second chance at life. For Dabi, it is a chance to make his shitty father’s life a living hell. Or: Dabi sucks at this whole time travelling thing. In his defence though, there’s really not much a kid can do in the grand scheme of things… or so he thought.