Short stories from the Toasterverse, because the author gets panicky writing long form stories built around plot and has to finish something in order to function. Phil has problems with these people. So does the Author.

"Where are you going?" the other you asks, and his voice is husky and friendly and not even a little bit like yours. You have never sounded like that one day of your life and you're never going to and you don't give a fuck. No, honestly, you don't. "I'm missing some of my humans," you inform him, gruff and uncaring and your shoulders squared like the badass leader that you are and why does he have to be a head taller than you? "And I have deduced with my masterful, scintillating intelligence that in order to get out they have quite possibly used the only way out that exists short of walking through walls. That--" you point, "--tunnel, just in the wholly unsurprising case you needed that clarified."

Nick Fury circles the realm Midgard with his coils. Phil Coulson has seen enough of chains for one lifetime. Darcy Lewis is taking a break from Helheim. But there's still the matter of their brother Sleipnir...

Itachi and Madara massacre the clan, but they miss one member. Obito, loyal Konoha ANBU and disowned Uchiha, suddenly finds himself out of the organization that’s been his life for eight years and raising a traumatized, orphaned child. Kakashi helps. Or watches and plays the smartass, it’s a bit of a tossup.

Genma is a very good assassin. He takes a job, takes a life, comes home, repeats. Then one day a stray genin shows up on his doorstep. And then another. Lonely assassin? Not so much. Try resident shinobi den mother. [In which Genma is a (very manly) mother hen, his apartment attracts strays, and all of his (bastard) friends are quite amused.]

A super-cracky modern!AU where Akatsuki is a group of quasi-reformed terrorists and former suicide squad now (nominally) on the side of the angels, saving the planet their own way. Mostly accidentally. Or through recycling. (That's entirely Obito's fault.)

The Atlantis expedition has been lost for three years. SG-1 goes to find them, and arrives just a little too late.

Extra stories for the Retrograde series.

yeah, they're dysfunctional, traumatized, and occasionally murderous, but they're a family, and sometimes they even act like it. the term 'Bat-Family' does sound an awful lot like a mirror to 'Crime-Family'.

The Golden Ending for SBurb has been realized and thanks to some careful time jimmying, everyone's ended up in the same timeline and the same present. Including the Trolls. Which can be a little, uh, complicated. Started out as wondering about a family of Striders that included Davesprite and Lil Hal and Alpha Dave, ended up expanding into a massive and strange thing of beauty. Includes an homage to Asukerian's one armed Davesprite with her gracious permission. These are written in whatever order we want but we promise to make sure they're put in mostly chronological order here on the series hub. (mostly because Time Shenanigans) CANON COMPLIANT UP TO THE GIGAPAUSE.

From the Legendary Sannin, to Jiraiya's genin team with Namikaze Minato, to Minato's genin team of Rin, Obito, and Kakashi... Team Seven can't manage to hand in normal paperwork. The genin are either completely oblivious or having fun with this, the jounin-sensei are one step away from ripping all their hair out, and the formidable order of desk-shinobi is not pleased with this. And then there's Team Kakashi.

Krem’s grin fades into a quiet smirk, his eyes warm and amused, and Cullen does not forget how to move his legs because he is a grown man, a leader of soldiers, commander of the Inquisition’s army. He breaks the silence by coughing loudly, because he is also an imbecile.

Five times the Penguins assumed Sid was dating Geno, and one time the Capitals knew otherwise.

Nate just wants Sid to be hurt and vulnerable around him. No, hold on, that came out wrong.

No one in their right minds would ever expect it of him, and that’s why he’s the one best-suited to the job.

The Bats take on the Mythbusters. Why? Because somethings are just too cool not to try in your spare time and with your family.

A collection of my short writing warm up pieces that I try to write every day on my tumblr. These ones are specifically about Ryouhei and Kyoko- the Sasagawas! Lots of different ships and whatever. It's mostly cute, probably v little angst. And I'll update it abt once a week with what's been posted to tumblr the week previous.

No one in their right minds would ever expect it of him, and that’s why he’s the one best-suited to the job.

Aka everyone is a superhero or a sidekick or a damsel in distress in true comic style. Includes terrible hero names, almost everyone wearing spandex (Sakumo why must you be sensible and break the mold you nerd), ridiculousness, secret identity fails, and all of my favorite crack pairings. I would be sorry, but that would require a sense of shame and I misplaced mine long ago.

Dragon Age II AU: In which Hawke meets Flemeth and the prologue goes differently. You shouldn't say, "I want to be a dragon," to a witch. What are you going to do if she takes you seriously?

For a prompt on my Tumblr: de-aged oro???? he was such a cute kid and i can just see everybody going wtf.

Peter’s first post-mission Avengers hang out goes about as well as one would expect.

“Oh, fuck,” Squalo says, thankfully at about a quarter of his normal volume, as he tumbles to lean against the wall beside Xanxus. “This is like with that shitty Bronco all fucking over again, don’t you fucking dare.”

Raphael sat on the living room chair, the cup of tea Magnus had practically forced on him balanced on his knee, while Magnus himself was slouched on the sofa, laughing. "You," he wheezed in between hysterical fits of giggles, "are going to propose? To Simon?" Raphael pursed his lips, praying for strength from anyone.

On Wednesday, Yuri skates right in between Viktor and Mila and says, nonchalant. "When I grow up, I'm going to be Yuuri Katsuki's second husband." Viktor chokes on his own spit. "What happened to the first one?" Mila asks, amused. "Nothing you can prove," Yuri says, glancing meaningfully at a wide-eyed Viktor before skating away to the sound Mila's laughter. (Or: In which Yuri Plisetsky has a crush, Mila Babicheva is a terrible listener, Otabek Altin is an equally terrible advice-giver, and the only possible solution to his predicament is to kill Viktor Nikiforov and marry Yuuri Katsuki himself.)

When Uzumaki Naruto breathed his last, he didn’t expect to wake up in the world of the living again. He was old, and tired, and so, so ready to move on. And, well...he wanted to see his wife again, dammit. But, of course, that wasn't what happened. Why? Naruto screamed at the powers-that-loved-to-fuck-with-his-life-and-now-his-afterlife-too, with tears streaking down his cheeks, feeling cold, weak, hungry, and utterly disgusted. Because you’re everybody’s bitch, Kurama helpfully supplied.

In an alternate universe, forces conspired to put Ace, Sabo, and Luffy in the care of the Red Hair pirates as children. The Grand Line would never know what hit it.

This is an exploration of the Sense8 universe in 8 (of course!) installments. The stories focus on very different character constellations, vary a lot in tone and focus, and they don't necessarily all take place in the same verse/timeline. But they do focus on 8 sensations or feelings that seem to be at the core of this story about friendship and family.

In which 'Adaar' is totally not a desire demon from the Fade, because Haven is a camp filled with Templars. Also morals and mortals are both confusing, and he would really just like to go home now please.

Two gremlins, their husbands, and the horrible HOA board. As long as nobody gets arrested for arson or murder, we're gonna call it a win.

Jedi are dragons.

a collection of one-shots where obi-wan marries jango's ghost... only to find out that jango is not dead. “Well.” Obi-Wan was not apprenticed to one of the best negotiators in the Order for nothing. “There is no death, there is the Force,” he recited. “So, I didn’t marry Jango Fett’s ghost, I married the Force. And as Jedi, our commitment is to the Force…”

Roy - thanks to a series of events going exponentially FUBAR - is in Dazhen. He wasn’t due back for another three months, but given that he wasn’t supposed to become a fucking vampire for another eighteen or so either, it’s safe to say that scheduling concerns are not his first priority.

Sometimes, when a player is having relationship trouble of some kind, he wakes up in bed with a retired player who wore the same number. In theory, the retired player gives some advice.

This started with @whoacanada‘s wholly addictive NHL Bitty fics - one of which was an AU where Bitty didn’t go to the Seattle Schooners but the Pittsburgh Penguins. I hadn’t actually intended to write anything because (1) I don’t really write much these days and (2) I have weird, twitchy feelings about RPF (parts of which are completely hypocritical given I have read RPF before). If I had to attribute blame, though, it’s because of @itsybittle whose original reply was the one that made think of an actual story and sequence of events rather than just funny tags. In any case, here is a story about Eric Bittle and the Pittsburgh Penguins. I’m hoping you enjoy it and that none of the ‘you’ here involves anybody actually in this incredibly fictional (and no doubt out of character) depiction of real people (if it does, I apologise pre-emptively and would like to wish you luck in game 6!). PS. @itsybittle, hope you enjoy ;) PPS. yes, some of the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins mentioned are completely made up.

This is a not fic, born from a conversation @itsybittle and I were having about (of all things) a BDSM porn Teen Wolf fic idea involving Jackson/Stiles/Lydia that revolves around the idea of what would have happened if Jackson had stayed in Beacon Hills instead of leaving for London. This not fic is pure fluffy kid fic. Because that’s what porn produces evidently: fluffy kid fic (I lie, when I try to write porn, what it produces is about three days worth of world building as @itsybittle​ can attest from that time I tried to figure out kinky BDSM Frozen Elsa/Hans and spent all my time world building and talking geo-politics). Anyway, this started like this: itsybittle: ALSO FIC IDEA itsybittle: Single dad bitty and his son have a YouTube channel and his son does this sport interviews

CPS Agent, pointing at Tim Drake: We need to take him with us Red Hood: He's fine where he is CPS: He's a minor Hood: Timbo, you a minor? Tim: Can't prove it CPS: I mean, I can. There are records – Tim, who has just finishing hacking CPS to remove his own file: Oh really, tell me more about these records +++ A CPS agent gets sent to investigate a tip that Tim Drake has been abandoned by his parents and is living with the Red Hood. The CPS agent leaves with no Tim Drake, a date with Red Hood's lieutenant, and an intern who's promising to fix the IT systems at his office. It's a weird day for Theo.

Kaminari walks up to Todoroki in the hallway after class and says, “Dude, I need your help.” Todoroki checks over his shoulder, twice, to verify that Kaminari is indeed talking to him. “Why?” “Yesterday you asked Shinsou-kun if he was Aizawa-sensei’s son,” Kaminari says, as though that explains anything at all. “...yes?” “Make a hero conspiracy YouTube channel with me.”

“Oi, Deku!” Bakugou shouted, eyes meeting startled green. “How often do fucking heroes contact students for internships?” Deku looked startled, floundering a tad under the attention. “I- uh- never?” “Huh,” Bakugou said, reading over the letter again. “What?” Kirishima gaped. “Did a hero mail you a letter?” Bakugou rolled his eyes. “Fuck no. I think that bitch Miruko-whatever sent me a fucking death threat and her number.”

Aizawa and Vlad King bet that they can handle each other’s home rooms better. Vlad doesn’t understand why Aizawa’s had so many rules. Or Vlad is traumatized by 1-A.

Who is the best big brother? Of course it's Ace! (Also: Another day aboard Moby Dick.)

Buggy stops at a bar in East Blue and there’s this angry looking kid asking about the Captain. Asking what would have happened if the Captain had a kid. And everyone starts laughing like the idea is ridiculous. Like Roger hadn’t taken in two street rats and given them a home.

all hail the raven king @onetwopunch Counting down the hours til Kevin Day returns to the coup #cawcawmothafuckers wifey @fckevinday looks like someone is still holding out for the impossible @onetwopunch all hail the raven king @onetwopunch @fckevinday I’m being a realist, Kevin ditching the Ravens for the PU Foxes was a mistake _____ The Foxes and Ravens play in the NCAA Exy Championships. The Internet reacts.

Dick pulled a face at the new paperwork. “Why do we gotta lie on this stuff, anyway? People aren’t gonna know what I can do exactly when I’m Robin...” “But they’ll suspect,” Bruce answered, typing something on his computer. “This way, if they think Richard Grayson isn’t all that impressive of a metahuman, it’s more cover for Robin flying through Gotham.” “Hmph.” --- In an AU where small, token superpowers are common enough to have their own optional line on forms alongside name and age, it's totally coincidence for Batman to have picked up a circus kid capable of flight. And a tire thief with super strength. And a- well, alright, the pint-sized photographer with not-actual-invisibility makes for a pattern, but even so. (He still tells the Justice League he doesn't allow metahumans in Gotham, though. Somehow with a straight face.) Series

Bernard has Tim beta his fanfiction. It's get awkward. Meanwhile, Tim adored the self-insert/Red Robin fics Bernard's been writing and hiding from him.

"Superboy will be staying at Mount Justice for now," Bruce says. He doesn't look at Clark as he says it. Clark doesn't look at him either. ". . . Mount Justice is a cave," Captain Marvel says, clearly even more bewildered. "And Superboy is solar-powered. Isn't that kind of . . . I don't know . . . mean?" "'Mean'?" Clark repeats in disbelief before he can think better of it.

“It has to be earth,” a voice says, insistent, and A'Sharad pauses before he can round the corner, faintly surprised.