Here it is! Everything you've ever wanted to know about IV access and lots of things you didn't.

Various characters have problems in or concerns about their relationships/sex lives, which they write to an advice columnist about.

IT HAS RECENTLY COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT INTERSPECIES RELATIONS ARE RAPIDLY DEVOLVING INTO SLOPPY MAKEOUTS THAT THREATEN TO BECOME DISGUSTINGLY MORE INTIMATE. IN AN EFFORT TO KEEP YOU IDIOTS FROM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT OVER WEIRD XENOBIOLOGY AND EMBARRASSING EVERYONE IN THE WORST WAYS POSSIBLE, I HAVE COMPILED THIS GUIDE, WHICH SHOULD BE SHORT ENOUGH THAT EVEN THOSE OF YOU WITH THE ATTENTION SPANS OF SMALL INSECTS SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ IT ALL IN ONE SITTING.

One day Steve was going to figure out how Tony kept talking him into these things, he really was.

rom the 2011 kink meme. The prompt was: In Fast and Furious when Braga asks Dom and Brian if they know each other, what if instead of saying 'He used to date my sister' Dom decided not to make Brian's undercover assignment easy for him and mess with his head a little by saying 'We used to date' instead.

"Actually, you know, I get it. Rogers would be an excellent MARRY choice. You know that he'd never leave the toilet seat up, would never drink the last of the milk, and would clean the rain gutters without prompting," Darcy says. She's never really considered Steve as anything other than Captain America who is impossibly unapproachable; weirdly enough, the things she finds intimidating about him as a person oddly work for her in a domestic setting. "Ugh, plus you just KNOW Barton would be the type of fucker that would eat the last oreo and then shove the empty box back into the cupboard." "So what's your list then, Darcy?" Jane asks, turning back to look at the mold, which has done exactly fuck all in the last half-hour. "Don't rush me! I need to make an informed, calculated choice." Darcy looks down at her pad, then back up at Natasha. She purses her lips in thought. "You've fucked Barnes, right? How dexterous is that metal hand?" -- The ladies of SHIELD play a mass game of MARRY FUCK KILL, Avengers edition. Wherein everyone marries Steve, kills Tony, Jane betrays science and Darcy hypothetically turns Thor into a llama.

Tony used to think that the 1940s were repressed. Steve's repertoire of racy songs makes him reconsider.

Some villains have the kinkiest superhero traps.

The Avengers discover that there are fans who write explicit RPF fic about them. Some of them are very confused. Some are proud. Some don't understand why everyone writes the pairings who aren't together but hardly anyone writes the couple who actually is together. Much silliness ensues.

GC: 1F YOU GUYS FORC3 M3 TO FL1P 4SH3N 4ND TH3R3FOR3 D3PR1V3 M3 OF 4LL TH4T 4CROB4T1C S3XU4L CONGR3SS W3 S1GN3D ON FOR *TH3 PUN1SHM3NT SH4LL F1T TH3 CR1M3 3X4CTLY* GC: BY WH1CH 1 M34N MY C4N3 H1D3S TWO R3C3NTLY-SH4RP3N3D BL4D3S 4ND 1T S3R3ND1P1TOUSLY H4PP3NS TH4T B3TW33N TH3 TWO OF YOU YOU GUYS H4V3 TWO BON3BULG3S GC: WH1CH M1GHT NOT ST4Y TH3 C4S3 LONG -- Okay, good! Terezi, Dave and Karkat have finally figured out this quadrant dating thing. Now to figure out which twosome gets to hook up first.

Wade and Vanessa have a Real Adult Conversation. With nudity!

ne dislocated shoulder and two minor intergalactic incidents later, and all Tim wants is a shower, a mushroom and swiss cheeseburger, and a blowjob, preferably in that order.

(563): Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards.

Tim has a thing for buying sex toys (in bulk, Jason suspects) and Jason is constantly putting his foot in his mouth about what things his lover likes.

“He’s pretty, isn’t he?” Mito asks thoughtfully.

“I think Keith gets so overenthusiastic about free muffins in the breakroom that he makes half the floor join him in song. I’m frankly terrified of how he’s going to tackle something where his dick may be involved. In a sexy way, I mean,” Zach clarifies. “The point of gay chicken is that it’s not sexy,” Eugene reminds them. “It’s awkward as shit for everyone until one person decides it’s just too awkward to continue.” “And you think Keith will hit that level of awkward before you do?” Ned asks skeptically. “Okay, dude, you keep telling yourself that.”

AU where Buzzfeed still won’t give us the Unsolved merch we deserve, but this they at least do provide.

“What you’re suggesting is that we have sex in the exact spot where a dude was once brutally murdered with a power drill. That is what you’re suggesting to me right now.” Shane throws up his hands. “Well, sure, when you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous.”

Sakumo loses a bet and has to cover the fashion beat for a week. It's not nearly the trial he expected it to be.

The first person Kakashi meets when he staggers out of the house, covered in blood, is Uchiha Obito.

All of this, Kakashi would like it noted, is because he has terrible friends.

Sentinel, Genma thinks, and it’s not really a surprise—the Shiranui Clan have always produced about equal numbers of Guides and Sentinels—but… Guide, something in him whispers, and it’s desperate, grasping, clinging to the beat of the man’s heart. Guide, Guide, Guide, and Genma breathes him in, feels the stirring deep in his soul that tastes of old things and instincts and wants to reach—

“What,” Kakuzu says flatly. The redheaded witch who foiled his assassination sips her tea, for all the world like Kakuzu isn't trussed up like a sacrificial offering at her feet. “I said my husband thinks you're handsome,” she repeats, as if that will remove the sheer insanity from those five words. “I tried to kill him,” Kakuzu says incredulously. “I stabbed him in the chest.”

A what if, of a what if... What if the Vongola Tenth Generation were to be raised by Uchiha Madara and Senju Tobirama? Well, for one thing they don't even bother with pretending to be nice people. For another, Madara is born into the Hibari family. Yes. Madara. Also yes. Those Hibari.

“Oh my god,” Jiraiya says, staring up at the ceiling.

Ameyuri and Zabuza get locked in a closet. It's maybe not an entirely terrible thing.

“Are those even practical?” Iruka hisses, unable to tear his eyes away from his mission partner.

Rajan knows the difference in how both his wife and their lover kisses.

Tang Fan goes undercover and Duo'erla gets forcibly made a distraction. It all turns out okay, though.

“Well,” Kit says lightly. “This does seem to be a predicament, doesn’t it?” Pressed right up against him, gauntlets digging bruises into his almost-bare hips, Dogma squeezes his eyes tightly shut. “I'm going to kill my whole squad,” he says, perfectly certain and resigned to it.

Agen digs his fingers into the silver-veined bark, smiling a little. Pushes upright, flicking his hair back behind his shoulder, and pulls his outer robe off, draping it over a branch. “A trooper in distress,” he says, stepping forward. “I believe Jedi are supposed to rectify such things.” Two pairs of dark eyes snap to him, and Fives's widen with glee. He wriggles harder under Echo's pinning weight, like a landed fish, and cries, “General Kolar, help! I'm being overrun!”

Luo Binghe rolls to his back, looking up at their bed’s canopy. “When you invited me to sit in your carriage... that was you?” “Yes,” Shen Qingqiu says warily. “I was fourteen,” Luo Binghe says. “But if Shen Qinqgiu’s body wasn’t your own, how old were you?”

Sid comes out. This is what happens next.

Either way, there was someone or something to blame for the fact that Jack ended up sending Connor Fucking McDavid a dick pic. Perhaps it was the universe as a whole.

Fox has the galaxy’s greatest hero in his bed, he’s well-fed, he’s astonishingly well-rested, and he has a whole week of leave saved up that starts in about six hours, during which no one is allowed to bother him with anything work-related even if Coruscant gets invaded by brain-stealing worms. Again. He made sure Thorn and Thire both knew that. Which makes it ten times as unpleasant to wake up to someone bypassing the chime entirely and just pounding right on his door.

“I’ll destroy a man for you,” he says breathlessly. Todoroki looks vaguely amused. “Good to know.” Midoriya passes the mug to Momo’s hands and then reaches up to put his hands on Todoroki’s cheeks so he can bring him down to eye-level. “No, listen. I will destroy a man for you.” Todoroki blinks at him, looking a little startled. “I have a seven year plan,” Midoriya elaborates terrifyingly. “O-kay?” he says throught his smushed cheeks. “Fuck Endeavor,” Midoriya says empathically. (Or: Midoriya has absolutely no filter when he's sleep deprived. That's it. That's the fic.)

"Never have I ever wanted to kiss Neil."

"Timmers sucked me pregnant," Jason blurts, and Tim watches in morbid fascination as Bruce goes through the five stages of grief in a millisecond. "I thought you said you weren't… sleeping together," Bruce says reproachfully. "He means that I, uh, impregnated him with my teeth. When I drank his blood. No sex involved," Tim explains. "It was an accident. I didn't even know I could do that."

Darcy thinks maybe her new intern is a slut. Like–a big one. Big ol’ slut. Both metaphorically and literally, since he's 6’3” of Kansas beefcake and maybe the literal only human being alive who has a build remotely comparable to Thor's. So like, a billion steroids or secretly an alien, Darcy’s assuming.

“I need you,” Tucker blurts immediately as he bursts into the living room where he left Kon half an hour ago. Or maybe two hours ago. Hopefully not more than three . . . ? “Like in a sexy way?” Kon asks, sounding halfheartedly hopeful as he looks up from his position draped across the couch with one of Tucker’s mom’s blander gossip magazines, where he’s clearly been bored out of his mind. Tucker will make that up to him later, definitely, but right now– “Like in a rogue attack way,” he says, and Kon makes a face.