"Yeah. Thanks. Just what I need. Black lipstick."

The one where Caine meets Jupiter's family. This is that one.

Yamamoto Genryūsai Shigekuni is a wise and terrifying warrior, the titan who has ruled the Gotei 13 for over a thousand years. But, at heart, he’s an old man who likes his tea prepared a certain way and has a soft spot for talented youngsters. It started with Ukitake and Kyoraku, and his latest fledgling seems to be one Kurosaki Ichigo, substitute soul reaper. (Alternatively, a story in which Yamamoto is a crafty old man, Ichigo grows up to be utterly terrifying, and Aizen doesn’t stand a chance.)

or alternatively titled "The Space Power Rangers Try to Figure Out If Shiro Has a Natural Winged Eyeliner Look Going On Because He's Fly Like That or Not and End Up Failing"

The Batfamily go to see Hamilton.

Yamamoto and Gokudera have lunch together every Saturday. Tsuna can't decide if this is a good thing or just the cause of more ridiculous problems.

"This is the fortieth time." Jason says, "Just to point that out. I'm not complaining, or anything."

In which Tsuna’s the Corpse Whisperer. (Or: In the months he spends at the Varia Compound at Timoteo’s behest, Tsuna manages to stumble across enough forgotten dead bodies to fill entire cemeteries. And everyone is terribly amused. Except, y’know, for him.)

“What do you mean, you’re related to the Nidaime?!” Izumo demands, hands flapping faintly like he can’t decide whether to strangle Kotetsu or flail.

As a last resort, they finally send Mikoto to talk to her. Kushina's not impressed, even though she has to admire their tenacity. They’ve tried three different elders, the woman who works at the ramen stand she likes almost as much as Teuchi’s, and Fugaku. Apparently, after the utter failure of that last one, they're attempting to pull out all the stops.

“-my mother was not Lyanna fucking Stark!” Jon exclaimed, before turning and kicking, vehemently at the sofa, enough to leave brown dustmarks on the purple cloth. He turned back to her, lifting a finger threateningly. “I don’t care what you say. But our father would never- never- sleep with his sister, in fact I don’t even know why I’m telling you this because guess what, Sansa? You should already know that!” [Sansa tries to tell Jon who his mother is. Jon thinks he’s an incest-baby. Which........ isn’t wrong.]

Orochimaru, Mito has come to realize, has a good many of the qualities that made her brother-in-law so fearsome, and she’s glad for it.

The first person Kakashi meets when he staggers out of the house, covered in blood, is Uchiha Obito.

While everyone in Suna concerns themselves with Gaara, terrified that the One-Tail might break free and rampage through their Village, they forget a few key facts. First, that just because Shukaku is the largest demon in Suna does not make the Bijuu the only demon in Wind Country, or even the only demon sealed away in Hidden Sand. Second, that Raza has two elder children that are just as capable of ushering in Suna's doom as their youngest sibling is. Third, Kankurou is the overlooked middle child who just wants to play with his baby brother. Remember these facts. They're important. Especially the third one.

It’s rather disappointing, Reborn thinks. He was a much cuter toddler the first time round.

Whatever the hell Yuri had been expected when he finally got around to joining the pig and Victor in the hot springs, it sure as f*** hadn’t been the humongous red dragon tattooed on the pig’s back. (or: that one in Yuri goes on a journey to figure out why something about Yuuri, the Katsuki family and Hasetsu as a whole seems… Very… Strange. There’s no way in hell Katsudon’s in the yakuza. Right?)

When Lito's career hits a lull, he starts shopping hobbies to fill his time. Yoga, cooking, and petty crime don't really work out, but a blog giving love and sex advice seems to do the trick.

“Why does the paper say you're dating?” Dick asks, waving the Sunday edition in Bruce's face. Bruce doesn’t let his expression so much as twitch. Dick can sense blood in the water the same way a shark can, and he knows Bruce far too well. “Does it?” he asks mildly.

“Thank you all for coming,” Lan Xichen said, pouring tea for the other three people at the table. “I think you all know why I’ve asked you to gather here today.” “Sure,” Nie Mingjue said, accepting the cup. “Because our younger siblings have decided to join together to become a criminal gang.” “That seems like an unduly harsh way to put it,” Jiang Yanli murmured, inclining her head in thanks to Lan Xichen as she took her own. “After all, they’re helping people, aren’t they?” Wen Qing huffed. “Leverage,” she drawled. “If I ever find out who gave them that idea…!”

Five people who (sort of) learn how Wei Ying became pregnant, and one person who doesn't. (Alternate title: How Lan Qiren lived on in ignorant bliss)

Dong-er wasn’t dumb, she had seen these symptoms before, she knew what they meant. Tang Da-ge’s pregnant.

“This,” Xanatos says with perfect conviction, “is going to be an absolute disaster, I can't believe you agreed to this.”

“Hey,” Lao Nie protested mildly. “Who’s the father here, me or you?” “If a-die wants a new wife, little uncle will find one that isn’t inclined to kill him.” That sounded like a recitation. “Then what’s even the point,” Lao Nie grumbled, and reached out to ruffle his son’s hair, enjoying how Nie Mingjue yelped when he did, glaring up at him with offended dignity.

It's finally time for Nie Mingjue to give Nie Huaisang the Sex Talk. Pity no one ever thought to give one to Nie Mingjue.

JIANG CHENG: I’m passing the phone to someone who once did a cannonball into the lake before ever learning how to swim and puked up water for a week.

“What is that?” Thire asks, wrinkling his nose as Fox marches past him. He immediately turns to open a window. Fox snorts, lifting a boot to kick Thorn where he’s sprawled out on the couch. Thorn groans, but raises his head, and Fox jerks his head at him. “A Jedi,” he answers, and Thorn freezes, eyes widening.

“No, please repeat that,” Lao Nie said. He had his fingers drilled into his temples and was rubbing them in nice, calming circular motions that were doing absolutely nothing to stem his headache. “I’m not sure I heard you correctly. What was that about...did you really say 'enrichment and stimulation'?” “It’s about Wen Zhuliu,” Nie Huaisang chirped, and Nie Mingjue, standing next to him and holding his hand in encouragement, nodded in agreement. “And how he's been ever since he joined the Nie sect. We haven’t been using him enough, or at least not in the way he’s accustomed to being used. So we’re worried that he’s starting to feel like we don’t appreciate him.” “Don’t appreciate him.” “Uh-huh. Because he did all that work to learn the Core-Melting Technique, and you almost never let him use it, so we’re worried that maybe he’s – you know – da-ge, what’s the word…” “Unfulfilled.”

"If you say I told you so, I'm going to feed you to a sarlacc," Jango growls, stalking right past Jaster and into the keep, trailing slime.

It’s already embarrassing enough when you accidentally call your teacher ‘mom’, but it’s a lot worse when it’s your captain, as Conor is about to discover. Sid just doesn’t remember signing any adoption papers.

- Mrs Bittle insists that they all call him Mister Crappy. Shitty has no idea who they’re talking to. - The Bittles are all impressed by Dicky’s lawyer friend, because Shitty knows how to impress parents - Shitty and Coach bond over mustache grooming

I, ___________________________, hereby acknowledge that this form represents my wishes should I contract phytoaphrodisiac-induced delirium (hereafter referred to as “PAID”) during engagements with or while apprehending Dr. Pamela Lillian Isley (“Poison Ivy”). - The bats have a sex pollen release form. Because of course they do.

“Is the kid in trouble?” “No, of course not—I was just, uh, wondering, Mr. Djarin, if you could tell me about Grogu’s typical diet—I only have limited experience with his species, and I have reason to be... concerned that he’s not getting the enough nutrients here,” said Master Skywalker carefully, the kid sitting beside him, not looking particularly remorseful. Dank farrik, not again, Din thought.

“Wait, it’s my turn,” Allison said, pushing herself further upright. She swayed dangerously, then narrowed her eyes and pointed at Neil. “We’re still targeting him, right.” “Jesus,” Aaron muttered. “Could you guys seriously—” Nicky clapped a hand over Aaron’s mouth. “Yes,” he said. “Definitely. Make the boy drink.” Aaron shoved him off and sulked at the edge of the fire, nursing his drink. “Alright,” Allison said. “I've got it. Never have I ever—told Andrew I love him.”

"Crap!" the food truck worker shrieks in alarm. "Don't hurt him, Superman, he's just a kid!" Clark . . . pauses, then looks up from the kid that he is currently pinning into the street as said kid struggles underneath him. "'Hurt him'?" he asks in reflexive confusion, and then realizes how batting a teenager around like a person-shaped cat toy and pinning him to the street hard enough to crack it probably actually looks to an outside observer. . . . um. Whoops. "Um," he starts awkwardly, and then the kid slips his pin while he's distracted and throws his arms around his neck with a gleeful laugh and a bright grin. "Dad!" he crows triumphantly, and hugs Clark harder than literally anyone has ever hugged him before.