By the fourth time Crosby has hung up on him, Alex has to admit that this has gone from funny to, frankly, a little hurtful.

The Coalition states for the record that it considers Her Imperial Condescension, Empress of Alternia and its conquered territories a Criminal, a Liability to her own people, an immature brat unfit for power, a Crazy Old Bat and an Abuser, and we do hereby charge her with Corruption, Corruption of Minors, Exploitation, Exploitation of Minors, Slavery, Slavery of Minors, Indoctrination, Indoctrination of Minors, Violation of the Prime Directive and Violation of seventy percent of the Chart of Universal Rights for the Sapient Species, and we declare to unanimously hold her in Contempt.

The thing is, Derek’s really, really hot. Like, insane levels of attraction. What with the leather and the cheekbones and the stubble and the ass — oh god, that ass — Stiles can’t really be blamed, at all for freaking bragging. Now if only his college friends actually believed Derek existed.

In which Sidney Crosby discovers twerking and decides it'd be a good idea to add it to the Penguins' workout routine, and Paulie knows exactly who to blame.

The further adventures of Sidney Crosby, Professional Troll, as told by Beau Bennett. A sequel of sorts to Drop it Low, but it also stands alone.

Konoha is an experience, and that’s just about the politest way Ine can phrase it.

Zoro gets lost, Sanji gets captured by the marines, the Strawhats break into the ship's prison, and they all escape with a bang. Not exactly in that order, much to the confusion of Sanji's cellmates.

The Atlantis expedition has been lost for three years. SG-1 goes to find them, and arrives just a little too late.

Victor kissed Yuuri. You better believe all of these people have something to say about it. Or...Mari is exhausted, Minako is confused, Nishigori is supportive, Yakov is annoyed, Yuri is pissed, Phichit is the best friend anyone could ever have and Yuuri just wants to kiss Victor again.

Fuck. Victor looked awful today after he got off the ice. He wasn’t even looking at the medal before they took it away to get his name engraved. He looked like he wasn’t even there. Yuri just wishes Victor would talk to someone (preferably not him) because fuck, he needs him. Victor’s actually a pretty good guy, once you get past the questionable taste in clothes (he forbids animal patterns. Like, really, dude? Such an old man) and, somehow, he’s always managed to inspire Yuri. He’s shown him moves, scolded him when he stayed too late the rink, and he’s always commented on all of his performances, just to show he was watching. And Victor likes watching movies with him, and volunteers to watch his siblings from time to time, when Yuri just needs to get away, for once. Victor buys him cat stickers for his birthday, even though he pretends it’s a kid’s gift and he doesn’t like it, and doesn’t say anything when he puts them on his notebooks. Victor’s kind of like an older brother, if Yuri wanted one. Which he doesn’t. He really doesn’t. // Yuri is done with Victor's shit. And he's done with Yuuri's too, fuck him. He's so done.

Tsuna and his guardians died in a blaze of glory. Then they woke up, slowly, one at a time, in a different world that was the same in all the ways that really mattered. Or the one where Tsuna and his guardians are reincarnated into the class below the Konoha rookie nine.

The plan was simple, as good a plan as a clan of shipwreckers and bounty-hunters could ever come up with. Capture one of the weaker Straw Hats, the ones without bounties, and make them beg for mercy until the stronger ones surrendered. Nothing can possibly go wrong with such an easy, straightforward scheme. Time to make some money!

FMA best case scenario. But the Elrics, even at peace and completely happy in themselves, are still kind of alarming to bystanders.

Piecing together the stories of the past from the things that were left behind is not always an easy task. Chapter 1 - In which historians really don't get it at all. Chapter 2 - In which Par Vollen releases some historical documents and the Dawnstone Dragon fandom goes wild. Chapter 3 - Political fallout, historical recipes, more on the Museum of Vashoth Culture's resident Simulacrum, and so on... Chapter 4 - In which Nigel makes a discovery.

Peter cut in with his hands raised, placating, “We’re here because –” “You’re in mortal danger,” Noir said. “-we have something to...tell…you – okay well, I was going to be a little less blunt about it, but I suppose that’s-” “The truth!” Ham said with vigor. (Miles doesn't know who or what Venom is, but according to his friends he's about to find out.)

Whatever the hell Yuri had been expected when he finally got around to joining the pig and Victor in the hot springs, it sure as f*** hadn’t been the humongous red dragon tattooed on the pig’s back. (or: that one in Yuri goes on a journey to figure out why something about Yuuri, the Katsuki family and Hasetsu as a whole seems… Very… Strange. There’s no way in hell Katsudon’s in the yakuza. Right?)

sat down to write a lil vignette-sized cql fic but the fic is a fake excerpt from a made-up academic article about the work of a pretend poet who wants it

Shen Yuan was born to be Reviewer 2. Decades after his marriage, Empress Shen Qingqiu is living his best life at the entire demonic civil service's expense.

broke: jedi are cold disconnected space monks woke: jedi are hippie sluts with no sense of modesty who just like to fuck with the wider galaxy

You seem kind of evil, Baxia remarked when she first met the flute. Yeah? The flute responded without first bothering to extend her perceptive aura out to see who was talking to her, sounding like a little punk, arrogant and bold. Well, you seem kind of – oh fuck oh fuck you’re terrifying! This was true. Baxia was terrifying. Please don’t destroy me! My master needs me! Baxia said nothing, enjoying how the flute squirmed, and nudged her own master pointedly. Do not destroy Chenqing, her master responded with a sigh. He knew Baxia well. Her master is on our side.

fucked up if true! @fuitpodcast A podcast about organized crime, cults, and other legally questionable things! Also featuring: an improbable number of references to the power of friendship, a cat (alleged), and occasional expert interviews! Updates on a schedule known only to the people who make the academic calendar. Hosted by Enma (@10gravities) and Tsuna (twitterless and proud) academic racoon in a trenchcoat @getyerproblems Do they know they’re being recorded? Tsuna and Enma have a podcast. The fandom has a few theories, and a LOT of questions.

Fans of Proud Immortal Demon Way attempt to make sense of recent Twitter interactions between Peerless Cucumber and Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky. (siskyverse)

The first time Jin Guangshan mentioned it, Jin Guangyao felt a great surge of relief – at last, he thought. At last someone else that isn’t me notices it!

CPS Agent, pointing at Tim Drake: We need to take him with us Red Hood: He's fine where he is CPS: He's a minor Hood: Timbo, you a minor? Tim: Can't prove it CPS: I mean, I can. There are records – Tim, who has just finishing hacking CPS to remove his own file: Oh really, tell me more about these records +++ A CPS agent gets sent to investigate a tip that Tim Drake has been abandoned by his parents and is living with the Red Hood. The CPS agent leaves with no Tim Drake, a date with Red Hood's lieutenant, and an intern who's promising to fix the IT systems at his office. It's a weird day for Theo.

Team Seven excels at two things: lying and long term planning. Kakashi wishes someone had told him that.

A CPS agent gets sent to investigate a tip that Tim Drake has been abandoned by his parents and is living with the Red Hood. The CPS agent leaves with no Tim Drake, a date with Red Hood's lieutenant, and an intern who's promising to fix the IT systems at his office. It's a weird day for Theo.

Kaminari walks up to Todoroki in the hallway after class and says, “Dude, I need your help.” Todoroki checks over his shoulder, twice, to verify that Kaminari is indeed talking to him. “Why?” “Yesterday you asked Shinsou-kun if he was Aizawa-sensei’s son,” Kaminari says, as though that explains anything at all. “...yes?” “Make a hero conspiracy YouTube channel with me.”

Alpha-17 was made for war. He was made to kill the enemies of the Republic. He was made to die. He was not made to deal with a Jedi lineages interpersonal drama. He was not made to deal with a conspiracy at the heart of the Republic. And he sure as fuck was not made to be witness to Cody's weird as shit relationship with General Kenobi despite not even being assigned to the 212th. And Yet. Here he was. (This was written over the course of a long spell of insomnia. Pecked at during the worst of my 4am insomnia fugue states. So it is what it is and I have no idea what this is. Enjoy.)

all hail the raven king @onetwopunch Counting down the hours til Kevin Day returns to the coup #cawcawmothafuckers wifey @fckevinday looks like someone is still holding out for the impossible @onetwopunch all hail the raven king @onetwopunch @fckevinday I’m being a realist, Kevin ditching the Ravens for the PU Foxes was a mistake _____ The Foxes and Ravens play in the NCAA Exy Championships. The Internet reacts.

He’d been pacing across the deck, considering in which direction to search next, when a great beam of light suddenly shot up into the sky far ahead; a beacon, a herald, a return. Surely, such a powerful thing could only come from one source, one which had to be- Zuko collapsed to the deck before he even had a chance to demand if Uncle Iroh knew what it meant.