Stiles sighs as the sweep starts running. "I can't believe we almost lost the bestiary because you felt the need to visit skeevy porn sites without antivirus protection."

Rose said later that "I was really fucking bored" was insufficient explanation or indeed justification for the First Triennial Human/Troll Flashstepping Competition. (Now with a tiny sequel!)

Konoha is an experience, and that’s just about the politest way Ine can phrase it.

“Are you sure I can convince him?” Madara asks dubiously. Hashirama nods. “Only you can convince him,” Hashirama says. Then, solemnly, “Madara, you’re our only hope.”

For this ask on my Tumblr: IM IMAGINING THE WRITING THING AS MADATOBI NOW?? IMAGINE!! secret letters between enemy clans. tiny stick figure drawings of hashirama doing something stupid. instructions for a new jutsu. the possibilities are ENDLESS (Aka that soulmate AU where if you write something on your skin it also shows on the other’s.)

Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, oh my. (Or, Tobirama has a date. He will probably live to regret it.) Prequel to It’s Witchcraft.

Yuri has joined the conversation. v-nikiforov: d i b s

For a prompt on my Tumblr: TOS!Sannin. Tsunade McCoy the grumpy, compassionate alcoholic with a heart of gold, Jiraiya Kirk the cocky and intelligent leader and womaniser, and finally, S'chan T'gai Orochimaru, the 'non-emotional' genius scientist with a not-so-hidden soft, gooey emotional centre.

From a prompt on my Tumblr: I kinda ship IzuTobi? NOT because it’s the default side pairing to HashiMada, but because your stars-in-his–eyes-attracted-to-pretty-but-lethal-people!Izuna is the funniest thing ever, and I want to see Tobirama as the target of that mooning. Imagine: “Uchiha, I almost killed you.” “I know, you’re the best!

fic where there is a supernatural threat to New York City and the Avengers show up to handle it but when they get there the Ghostbusters are already dusting off their hands and hosing off the slime

For a prompt from the lovely Holly: The Free! anime featuring Tobirama as a swimmer, with a water addiction like Haruka - and the same penchant for undressing at the first sight of water. Cue Madara blushing and flailing, while Tobirama gives zero shits.

(563): Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards.

Dr Kureha pounded some more monkshood beneath the pestle. "The name of a rabbit disease that infects humans. Causes ulcerations-"

Jason's the Red Hood and being the Red Hood gives him sex magic. Duh.

Yamamoto attempts to make Gokudera's lunch. Gokudera is not entirely impressed.

“What do you mean, you’re related to the Nidaime?!” Izumo demands, hands flapping faintly like he can’t decide whether to strangle Kotetsu or flail.

This is all massively troublesome, damn it, and Shikamaru only has himself to blame.

“He’s pretty, isn’t he?” Mito asks thoughtfully.

It’s not his proudest moment, but Sakumo takes one look at the newest occupant of the gym and walks into a wall.

Nami's nakama were certifiable. Loony-bin material, every last one of them.

Adele has some questions about Xander and Xiang's relationship.

"Oh, fuck me," is the first thing Izuna says upon opening his eyes.

Once Edward became legal, the number of office outings to the pub went up exponentially. Possibly this was because Edward was really fun to take to a pub.

As a last resort, they finally send Mikoto to talk to her. Kushina's not impressed, even though she has to admire their tenacity. They’ve tried three different elders, the woman who works at the ramen stand she likes almost as much as Teuchi’s, and Fugaku. Apparently, after the utter failure of that last one, they're attempting to pull out all the stops.

For a prompt on my Tumblr: shisui trying very hard not to stare at utakata's chest and Those Pecs and Abs and Everything Hes Gorgeous Help and utakata mistaking it for being curious about his pipe and starts infodumping about his bubbles

After the incident and leaving the warehouse, Owen sees something. He sees it. But he can't believe it.

Orochimaru, Mito has come to realize, has a good many of the qualities that made her brother-in-law so fearsome, and she’s glad for it.

For a prompt on my Tumblr: Playboy!Orochimaru who ends up with Single Dad!Sakumo in the end. No understands what happened.

It had been a drunken whim, coming on the heels of his breakup with Yugao, to add his name to the list of candidates for political marriages, and even when he’d remembered the next morning Hayate had waved off the notion that anyone would pick him. Most people are at least mildly alarmed by a shinobi with a chronic illness, after all.

Obito turns himself into the Whomping Willow. It goes great, right up until people start making a nuisance of themselves under his roots.

In which Minato is a Sky, Obito is his Guardian, and everything gets fucked beyond measure.

Obito glances over Sakura, sprawled out on the couch painting her nails, and raises a brow. “I thought Kakashi told you to leave?” “Ha.” Sakura checks her nails, then starts applying another coat. “He has like three hundred sports channels. I'm not moving an inch.”

“Oh my god,” Jiraiya says, staring up at the ceiling.

Edward, Tobirama, some accidental dimension travel, and questions of methodology. Plus snark.

Kakashi has a lot of work ahead of him if he wants Tsuna to survive, but at least the company is agreeable. And cute.

Growing up was bad enough the first time. Going through a speed run was a special kind of hell.

Ichigo's found his Sky. Things are just...a little turbulent while everyone adjusts.

Rajan knows the difference in how both his wife and their lover kisses.

A truly underutilized Huaisang plot is him killing time during his ten years of revenge plotting by being a minor thorn in Jin Guangyao’s side. He has had years of training in the art of being an obnoxious younger sibling and now he’s going to make this one man’s life hell.

It's a lovely morning in the capital, and you have acquired a horrible goose.

"I know I'm going to regret asking this," Jiang Cheng says, already sounding resigned, "but what on earth are you doing?" -- Jiang Cheng encounters the Juniors being undignified on the pier.

“Well,” Kit says lightly. “This does seem to be a predicament, doesn’t it?” Pressed right up against him, gauntlets digging bruises into his almost-bare hips, Dogma squeezes his eyes tightly shut. “I'm going to kill my whole squad,” he says, perfectly certain and resigned to it.

“Are you really sure this is necessary?” Jon asks, faintly hunted.

Tup gathers his courage, leans in. With a flicker of humor, Mace dips his head to meet him, taking the kiss without hesitation. Behind them, someone chokes.

“Soon, padawan,” Qui-Gon says, and Obi-Wan doesn’t appreciate the amusement in his voice at all, but his disgruntled look doesn’t win him anything except a raised brow and the calmly bemused glance that always makes Master Windu eye Qui-Gon’s hair like he’s about to pull on it.

JIANG CHENG: I’m passing the phone to someone who once did a cannonball into the lake before ever learning how to swim and puked up water for a week.

“He hasn’t noticed yet, has he?” the little Chalactan girl asks cheerfully, pulling herself up to sit on the table. Myles, currently face-down on the wood and despairing of every moment he’s spent devoting his life and honor to an idiot, groans loudly.

“I cannot believe you,” Jaster says, muffled where his face is buried in his hands. “One week of leave and this—this—this is how you come back?” Myles weighs whether he should be ashamed of himself, considers that last time Jaster got himself kidnapped because he pissed off a culty group of guardians around an ancient shrine, and promptly decides he regrets nothing. “I was only the Sith Emperor for three days before true love’s kiss broke the spell, it was fine.”

“I can’t believe you ruined my boots,” Leia says, outraged, and pushes Dooku’s face further into the mud.

A high, sustained, familiar scream rises above the treetops, and Rex pauses. He looks over at Cody, finds Cody already looking back, and does his absolute best not to grin.