In which the Bull is one of the Ben-Hassrath's best agents, ready to give himself piece by piece to the fighting on Seheron, and Dorian is cursed, irritated, and stuck in a cave. An AU where the Iron Bull meets Dorian on Seheron, with Beauty & the Beast elements.

You really can buy anything on the internet.

All of Vyrantium's noble elite were invited to Magister Maecenas' dinner party to view her prize collection of Qunari antiquities and make polite conversation. Dorian Pavus had resigned himself to a long and boring evening, but a few wrong turns was all it took to change that.

Dorian is a mechanic in the modern city of Skyhold. Iron Bull and his Chargers are a motorcycle gang. What more do you need to know to click on this story?

At the age of thirty-seven, Dorian of House Pavus could now say that the worst day of his life was his wedding day... After a failed blood-magic ritual from his father, Dorian's body is forever changed. However Halward isn't about to let that get in the way as he offers his only son up as a bargaining chip for peace in Seheron. Dorian, son of one of the most powerful Magisters in the Imperium, is now being forced to marry a Qunari. And to add to the man's frustrations, he must be pregnant within a year.

Dorian Pavus is a successful, single, and frankly frustrated author of Young Adult fiction. His work largely concerns the experiences of gay and queer teens, and he always, always gives them hopeful endings, despite his own life not delivering on that part. When he's invited to host a writer's workshop at a shelter for young people, he meets its caretaker, Iron Bull. Iron Bull admires his work, and then some. Dorian isn't quite sure how, but this becomes a Thing.

The Iron Bull is a firefighter with scars and history to spare. Dorian keeps setting things on fire- like curtains, and dates. Or, the one where two messed up people find each other, Solas is a righteous avenger, Cullen really needs to stop online dating, and everyone gets a happy ending but not without some pain to go with it.

The Inquisition Law Offices provide a wide array of services to a select and not-so-select clientele. Working in Haven is a complicated business for Inquisitor Mahanon Lavellan, who balances actually bringing justice down on those corrupt while casually having his team manage negotiations to keep his city safe and peaceful with the Trevelyan twins in the dark lower streets, the Valo-Kas' warring Tal-Vashoth factions in the Qunari district, and the Carta's pair of rather dangerous contacts, the Cadash siblings. In comparison, The Iron Bull and his Chargers are a breath of calm, relaxing fresh air. Cullen Rutherford, head of the Inquisition Law Offices' Employee Resources department, has been blissfully unaware of all of this until meeting the love of his life in a jazz club bar fight. Cremisus Aclassi was not planning on a six-foot-and-change boyfriend, but hey, when life gives you oversized blushing men, you roll with it. Dorian just really wants Mob Wives of Thedas to stop trying to get him on their show, and his definitely-not-husband to stop interrupting him at work to make out in the Archives.

That one where Adaar runs a dungeon called Horns. Because that's just how Adaar rolls.

Summary: read the tags. that’s it, that’s the story. Or: Dorian gets a tattoo of The Iron Bull's name on his arse. And is then tagged in a completely different way.

In order to save his home, The Iron Bull returns to work as a professional Dom for a company known only as Inquisition. Dorian Pavus, known by the code name of Urthemiel within the Inqusition's carefully guarded walls, is considered a difficult client, and placed with The Iron Bull in the hopes that he can help. Together, they build something better than they were before.

Dorian enjoys being fingered while Bull watches television and Bull certainly has no complaints.

What do you get for the girl who already has everything and really doesn't want to marry you? A kidnapping, apparently. No, that doesn't actually make any sense, but as The Iron Bull is about to find out, Dorian Pavus and Livia Herathinos don't appear to actually consider themselves bound by the rules of common sense. Isabela just can't believe someone's actually paying her for this. Lucky!

possible subtitle: and other reasons The Iron Bull is no longer allowed to suggest titles for his films In which Dorian is just getting used to his new life in Ferelden, when he discovers that his upstairs neighbour is somebody he knows. And by knows he means recognises from the movies, and by movies he means porn, and by recognises he means has had a slight obsession with since Rilienus taught him the twin joys of proxy servers and sites that charge their subscription to your credit card under names like ART FILMS, INC. (also: in which Halward is an asshole, as always, Rilienus is kinda a jerk, Felix remains perfect because Felix, and Sera is the mystical goddess who grad students pray to when they want free leftover sandwiches to turn up)

Bull is on the worst blind date with Trevor Trevelyan, and Dorian swoops in, pretending to be his ex that wants to get back together.

Dorian Pavus needs out of Tevinter. The Iron Bull, a relatively well off rancher, is in want of a husband. It may as well be a perfect match. After answering The Iron Bull's ad in the newspaper, Dorian is whisked out of Tevinter and into the rugged beauty of Western Orlais to become a farm husband. Together, they learn how to love among the wildflowers.