Zack has the best worst ideas.

The Iron Bull is a firefighter with scars and history to spare. Dorian keeps setting things on fire- like curtains, and dates. Or, the one where two messed up people find each other, Solas is a righteous avenger, Cullen really needs to stop online dating, and everyone gets a happy ending but not without some pain to go with it.

"So, honeybee. I think I found a third for that idea you had. Well, third and fourth.” “Which idea? FUCK YOU YOU LITTLE—“ Some turd tried to sneak up and shank him from behind. Mituna nuked him into orbit, then turned his attention to Latula. “The helmsman idea.” He froze. That idea. Oh fuck. Ohhhh, FUCK. He thought she’d maybe forgotten that one.

There's a low chuckle from behind them, and the bedsprings creak as Kakashi sprawls out, half-reclined as he watches them with heavy-lidded eyes. “You know,” he says easily, “of all the perks I expected as Hokage, this definitely wasn’t one of them.” “Threesomes with other Kages?” Utakata asks, dragging his fingers up Zabuza’s spread thighs, and those golden eyes don’t waver from Zabuza’s, intent and hot even if he sounds like he’s just making polite conversation. Kakashi chuckles. “I meant access to your own personal harem,” he says lightly. “But that too.”

Dating Xiao Xingchen came with something called the Fuck-it List. or; Song Lan arranges a gangbang for his boyfriend.

“And I got here how…?” Yū asks, eyeing Kayama skeptically. “Well, I’m not entirely sure how you got here,” Kayama laughs. Her nail polish is the same deep red as her lipstick, Yū observes idly. “I just know that you came in drunk off your ass and demanding a nipple piercing.” Yū flushes redder than she’s flushed in her entire life. (Or: piercer!Midnight, tattoo artist!Miruko, and Mt. Lady who accidentally stumbles into their shop.)