"Okay," you say, your mouth dry, "okay. What the fuck is this supposed to be?" Bro smirks at you from the couch. "Dessert," he says. His eyes glow through the douchebag shades he took off some kid you guys ate last month. He pets John's hair absently and John does nothing, a puppet whose strings aren't getting pulled. "Can't tell me you don't want him, kiddo."

He felt like the naked girl who'd just been a white wolf and the half-naked guy who'd just been a mangled corpse dragged into his barn by a wolf completely deserved his screaming. The ~magical~ turd-licking fence-fuckers masquerading as his classmates had been sneak-flirting with him for weeks. "Is my life actually a shitty supernatural romance?! Am I going to develop more special than you powers that somehow never matter half as much as who I fuck? Am I supposed to arbitrate your little game of which one of you is the sexiest alpha male by gracing them with my boy cooch?" -- now with sequel pesterlog silliness.

In which there are vampires and hunters and watchers and humans, Yamamoto Takeshi is more than a little bit crazy, and Gokudera Hayato is caught in between a whole bunch of loyalties and duties.

“First thing is simple, I’m going to feel your pulse points, see where’s going to be best for me to sink my teeth in.” Brian laughs a little. Pat thinks it would be villainous, if someone else said that. Or... the friendly vampire!au no one asked for.

Roy - thanks to a series of events going exponentially FUBAR - is in Dazhen. He wasn’t due back for another three months, but given that he wasn’t supposed to become a fucking vampire for another eighteen or so either, it’s safe to say that scheduling concerns are not his first priority.

Dabi narrows his eyes. "Alright. Let's say you don't die. You still have a limited amount of blood, and a lack of blood flow or oxygen to your brain could probably cause permanent damage that even your immortality can't repair." "I'll stop you before that happens," Hawks says, with way more confidence than he has any right to have. "You have zero self-preservation instincts," Dabi has to point out. Hawks grins at him, shooting him finger guns. "So we doing this, or what?" ~ Dabi is a vampire who's never had human blood straight from the tap before. Hawks is a dumbass college student cursed with immortality. What could go wrong?