He could gag himself with how deep in this he is. In which Dave and Terezi share in sweet interspecies lovemaking and realize that being born universes apart lends itself to some discrepancy in the biological department.

Terezi Pyrope is a Neophyte Legislacerator looking to lease an administrative assistant. She was not expecting to find Dave Strider, a secretarial asset with a sense of integrity as strong as her own. Dave Strider is a secretarial asset with "personality problems" that would have gotten him culled if not for his otherwise exemplary administrative abilities. He finds himself drawn into the quadrants of the would-be social reformer who leased him. He finds he is surprisingly Okay with this. Both their lives become interesting (in the curse sense) when the Heiress retains Pyrope and her team.

Episodes From the Lives of Twelve Trolls From Various Castes From Low to the Very Highest (and One Pariah Who Fell Out the Bottom of the Spectrum) Who Band Together to Challenge the Rule of Her Imperial Condescension. Featuring Romances in All Four Quadrants, Heretical Philosophies, a Dangerous Amount of Revolutionary Fervor, Regicide, Ancestor Worship and More to be Added Later.

Sollux Captor is 22 years old, a successful freelance web designer, and an avid player of the wildly successful MMORPG, Grubquest. Karkat Vantas is 19 years old, a cranky CS-major freshman, and an avid player of the wildly successful MMORPG, Grubquest. Sollux and Karkat are the worst best friends and one of the top player-pairs in the game. In a month, they're meeting for the first time and it's exciting... and terrifying.

Tavros' robot legs are due for a tune-up. Equius is surprisingly gentle. Tavros is pleased with the results.

Sollux Captor, recently drafted into the Service of Her Imperious Condescension, discovers a secret community of Helmsmen hidden inside the Imperial communications network. Meanwhile on Alternia, Karkat Vantas is up to his goddamn nook in revolution.

In which Rose inadvertently starts the first inter-dimensional chapter of Stitch and Bitch, and courts Kanaya through crafts.

'There's a whole other story, about that, a girl with mirrors over her eyes and a man who was scared to care about anything.'

Kanaya's lusus had taught her, early on, how to prepare a body.

In which all of Gamzee's complicated relationships, with his lusus, with sopor and with Karkat, come to a head.

In which the gay bar is Stalberg's idea and Kaner doesn't notice Jon pretending to be his boyfriend.

Kaner wakes up soulbonded to Tazer. Then gay shit happens.

“Write what you know” was good enough advice for Jo March, so it’s good enough for Patrick Kane.

I've been calling this The Sexual Misadventures of Sidney Crosby forever, and that gives you an idea, but just in case: in which Sidney wins a gold medal, has sex (a lot), falls in love (twice), and breaks a bunch of rules.

"Once there were two hockey players. One had great hair. One had a lot of brothers. This is their story." Or, Kris Letang gets a hug and Marc Staal meets a nice boy. Inspired by Morning to Wake You

Karkat introduces Dave to some of his quality literature; Dave is more ok with this than he expected to be.

“I think Bond’s trying to be your friend,” Eve tells him. “…well,” Q says slowly, “this is a new and disturbing development.”

Love advice with Canadians: the clueless leading the clueless who is in love with clueless.

"Tony Stark sometimes doesn't make the best choices with his health. Tony is usually bad at communicating. Steve usually doesn't end up in medical, but there are always exceptions. "Phil Coulson is the one who has to write up this nonsense, and he can't keep the Avengers out of medical."

After the revelation that rumours of Phil's demise had been greatly exaggerated, there's a party at Stark Tower. It doesn't take much for Tony to throw a party, but this one's actually organised by Pepper, so will at least start out tasteful, civilised, and impeccably hosted.

Pepper leaves, and there’s no more pizza, and Thor’s already talked about Jane, and Tony suspects all of them realize, abruptly and simultaneously, that they actually have no idea what to do now. He is, in fact, pretty certain that they’re just a few minutes away from someone deciding to say something about the weather. It’s probably going to be him.

Sollux would be willing to wait forever for Karkat to feel ready, but the drones aren't so patient.

For this prompt on the LJ Kinkmeme: Stiles leaves leaves a notebook of his at Derek's or in his car or whatevs, and Derek goes to take it to him and notices that it's filled with little hearts with Stiles+Derek, and Stiles Hale, and Derek Stilinski, and tons of doodles of little wolves.

He has no idea what you're supposed to say when you find one of your...werewolf acquaintances, completely out of their mind, growling like they're about to see what your insides taste like. There's no handbook for this. Stiles is thinking that if he survives he might write one.

There was no good way to say it: sorry about your surprise sex swap and your nonconsensual werewolf bite also rearranged your butt plumbing and congratulations, I've probably destroyed your sex life forever were not exactly Hallmark sentiments.

--Looking for full day/evening sitter. 2 twin boys age 4. Must have exp. w/werewolves. Must be human. No pedophiles. No teenage girls. Pay negotiable. --

Stiles accidentally ends up magically bound to Derek. It’s super.

They’ve had this connection for nearly as long as they’ve known each other; Patrick doesn’t know why it happened, what made it so that out of all the people in the world, it’s Johnny and only Johnny whose thoughts he can read, but there it is. One day it was just Patrick in his head, and the next, he’d woken up with the background awareness of Johnny in there too, and a panicked, thumping voice saying, Oh, shit. You too?

His mom had told him not to fall in love with houses; so had his dad, made some crack about them being worse than women, son, while his mom fake-punched him in the arm and then added, "and like people, it's what's underneath that matters, Johnny." But this is the first house he's looked at that he's liked, though he doesn't know why: it's got narrow, pointy windows with stone pieces on the tops like eyebrows, and it sits between its larger, tidier, neighbours like a poor cousin. Johnny thinks it maybe just needs someone to love it; and then he thinks: fuck.

Sidney is starting to get a reputation amongst the Pens for being the go-to guy for free childcare. Or, five times Sidney babysat and one time someone babysat for him.

Geno is sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Sidney has a dresser drawer full of sex toys, but right now he's drawing a blank.

The last thing you want to do with the guy you've been hung up on for ages is teach him how to be decent at sex. So of course, that's exactly what Geno does. Featuring interfering Russians, thorough devirginization, and equal parts alcohol imbibing and hockey playing.

or, the many times Tyler Seguin tried to come out on Twitter and no one believed him.

"We'll make this work somehow, sweetheart, won't we?" he said, swaying back and forth a bit as it warmed up. It probably made him look stupid, but he'd discovered there were a lot of stupid-looking things he'd do to keep his baby girl happy.

Patrick answers his phone by reflex, but he can't pry open his eyes, so he has no idea who he's talking to. Or not talking, exactly, because all he can manage is a sort of groan. OR: the one where Tazer and Kaner have a baby via Stanley Cup

“So, you Skype your boy a lot or something?” Kaner asks when he’s been there for a little while and heard Segs talk about Tyler enough to catch a clue. There’s something odd in his voice--a little plaintive, like he’s asking, so how do you deal with it? Segs hesitates, shrugs. Says, “Yeah, something like that.” Inside his head, Tyler laughs.

The only jobs for which no man is qualified are human incubators and wet nurse. Likewise, the only job for which no woman is or can be qualified is sperm donor. -Wilma Scott Heide

“I kind of proved a lot of people wrong and proved to myself I can play this game in this body.” - Pat Kane Genderqueer AU.

"I accept your body!" Stiles says hurriedly. "I accept you. Sexually." There is a pause. Derek says, "Thanks."

Flash first sees them when Parker is at his locker one morning. Just peeking out of the cuff of one of the sleeves of his sweatshirt. Bruises, mottled and bluish-black, like Parker's been in a fight.

It all began when Ms. Frizzle got the letter from her niece.

CG: HARLEY, WHEN I SAID THAT I WOULD RATHER CULL MYSELF WITH THE DULL END OF A SCALEMATE BEFORE I EVER GAVE YOU THE CHANCE TO RECOIL IN ABJECT REVULSION BEFORE MY HIDEOUS VISAGE CG: WHAT THE FUCK GAVE YOU THE IDEA THAT I WOULD SOMEHOW BE AMENABLE TO INSTEAD PERFORMING A DAPPER SHOW AND TELL ROUTINE?

Looking into mirrors has always messed with your head, but this is nothing like a mirror image. It’s like looking at yourself distorted even further, sharper, the bare bones and skin shaped into something more solid, but still thin and tense and narrow.

It turns out that buddyfucking your best friend without shit getting weird requires constant vigilance.

The best thing about having a kismesis is that it means someone doesn't pity him.

Sollux has found a new favourite flavour.

After Bro takes off for an overseas job, Dave Strider finds himself with a condo, bills, and nary a way to pay for it all. He does what any normal college guy would do; puts up an roommate wanted ad on craigslist. He gets a little bit more than he bargained for... in a very good way.

Karter Vantas loses his bus pass and gets a couple of quarters from some random guy, who turns out to be mind-blowingly annoying. To cope with his fiery rage, Karter posts a long-winded, colorful rant on the Missed Connections section of craigslist, and then puts it out of his mind. What ends up happening is the very last thing he ever could have expected: he gets a response.

Dave leans forward. You can see a camera reflected in his shades, in the high-rez screen, you can see his own face peering out of the camera in his shades, his reflection reflecting itself into infinity. Not you. You’re not there -- he’s not here.