What if one day John Egbert is sad because he would really like to hold Karkats hand for reasons other than correcting his grip on computer mice and ice cream cones and stuff

“A smattering of elemental strategy.”

Feed a cold, starve a fever, and in the case of an ennui-filled Terezi Pyrope just quadruple caloric intake.

AU. Alphas are like royalty and are offered their choice of any age eighteen-and-up virgin Omega for each year's heat season, as a 'thank-you' to all they've done for their compounds throughout the year. Derek is an Alpha and...yeah, Stiles. Stiles is an Omega. And still a virgin. In every way. And he's just turned eighteen. This...is not his day.

Mikey needs a date for a work event. Gerard steps in.

Title: Gamzee: Show him all the hospitality Summary: Your best bro is coming over to see you in the motherfucking flesh. That's not something a lot of trolls are all up on doing with each other, on account of so many of you motherfuckers get your hate on so easy, but you are going to make Tavros so motherfucking welcome. Title: Gamzee and Tavros: Operate Plot Device Summary: "That was a motherfucking miracle machine you all up and found, chica." You're not sure you can believe your aurals, the way Gamzee's voice sounds, but when you turn your chair around the visual evidence backs up the aural: Gamzee must have tried the device, too. "Wow, uh," you say, blinking at him. Her. Title: Never Thirst Summary: "Man, I don't know, I kind of figure we're peas in a motherfucking pod, you and me, Tavbro. The kind of chill motherfuckers as would rather pity half a dozen brothers and sisters than get a serious motherfucking hate on for even one."

Title: Learning Each Other (Got a lot to learn) Summary: "Karkat," you say, because it feels amazing but you can't help yourself, "is that an octopus in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "That is the stupidest pickup line in either of our universes," Karkat says, his face gray-red and his pupils huge, "and I dare you to find out." Title: Tomb Raiders Summary: Faint heart never won fair lady, you think. Or fair gentleman either. "If you're going to kiss me," you say, "now would be an excellent time." Title: Dirk: Take Charge Summary: You're going to leave the toybox in the closet tonight, because you are fairly certain that you can ruin him six ways to Sunday without even a pair of fuzzy handcuffs to back you up, and you really don't want to give the poor guy an aneurysm or something. Humanstuck, aged-up characters, dom/sub, ssc, being STRONG is sexy, porn battle, Title: Strength of Character Summary: Polite, a natural leader, and unusually strong. John is certainly a human worth paying further attention to.

Title: And Only One Blanket Summary: The building they come to falls somewhere on the shed-shack-cabin-cottage continuum; the threat of frostbite makes Rose disinclined to be picky. Title: Going Both Ways Summary: Karkat can match him at either end of his scale, balancing both highs and lows with this kind of frothing, incoherent fury that's...kind of attractive, in the right light. All that energy. All that drive. Title: King of Spades Summary: ==> Dirk: fuck the Man.

Of course, because the powers that be seem bent on making their lives a living hell, the city's entire power grid goes out the third day they've moved in.

Clint has OCD. They work with it. After all, this is the Avengers; everyone's got quirks

Danny is not anybody’s gay yoda. He’d like to make that much clear. Go Big or Go home; The Fight, And Fate; I'm an Animal Too; I Wish I Was the Moon

“Yes, ma'am, please,” he says. It makes his dick harder, to beg for it, to address her like that, like a superior.

I'd love to see something red and fluffy between Dave and Karkat, maybe involving the idea that Dave can't sleep in the veil because he's convinced he'll be attacked? Seeing super competent leader Karkat would be awesome too.

On the meteor, Rose, Dave, Kanaya, Terezi, and Karkat find themselves passing through a series of hooked-together dreambubbles inhabited by some utterly inexplicable grubs. Grubs that squeak and fuss and cling and chew holes in their clothes. Grubs who resemble to a distressing extent trolls whom the meteor-dwellers killed or were killed by, but essentially grubs who need someone to see to them, even in dreambubbles out of time.

In which Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, and John Egbert decide to rent a house near campus pre-furnished to save themselves the unutterable joy of Ikea allen-wrenches, Dave discovers why you should never attempt to move a universe without assistance, and Karkat is the best housemate: it is hands-down no-questions-asked him.

See, okay, you are the best of housemates. It is definitely you. You don’t even fuck with his goddamn color-coded shit in the fridge and you absolutely do not go anywhere the fuck near his color-coded toothbrush major arcana in the bathroom. For the most part you kind of stand over here and let his weirdness just kind of handle itself. You have, however, reached your limit for this particular style and model of bullshit and so you bang on his door and when he sort-of grunts in response you bang on it again and then you try the knob and hey, check that shit out, it’s not locked. ...Wow, he looks like ass.

The first time you pass by the troll in the box you kind of try not to see it. It's gross as fuck when people do this. You guess maybe it's better than driving them out into the country and dumping them to make it on their own, or those stories you've heard about people dumping unwanted wrigglers in sacks into rivers--those you try not to think about because fuck, that is not okay on any level but it's not like you can do shit about it.

In another universe, the Imperial Fleet came to Earth without warning, in the early years of the Cold War. Just as suddenly, nuclear warfare served as the ultimate warning to stay away, and the Earth was safe. The crashed ships full of abandoned officers and slaves, not so much. Fast forward to present day, and the Earthbound troll population has been forced to survive in a human-dominated society that doesn't take kindly to their decades-long presence. Between having to resort to archaic and undignified methods of reproduction, legally-mandated drugs to suppress their more trollish attributes, and clashes between Alternian and Earth-hatched generations, survival looks to be a difficult task, indeed.

When he realised he had two genders, he wanted to scream in frustration.

Author of the Crazy!Ed verse and Chaos Verse

He doesn’t tell Dave why he hides his food under the futon, behind mixing equipment, inside the bricks of his desk. Why his swords are two steps from where he sleeps, and why he’s trained himself to cat nap in three hour intervals of insomniac nervousness.

“Holy shit,” you whisper. Dave joins you at the window. There are no stars left in the sky. Nothing but blackness and a faint soap bubble sheen. “Is that a dream bubble?” Dave says. And then it swallows you.

Tony Stark finds himself as a de-aged Loki Odinsson's temporarily designated parental figure, through no fault of his own. Responsible superhero co-parenting doesn't just involve feeding, housing and clothing a tiny Asgardian, it involves rubber ducks, transdimensional vortexes at bathtime, fruit parties, pictures of robots that draw other robots and hoverboards (eventually), as the team keep Loki safe while they look for a solution.

Arson Clinic engages in a nerdy rap battle with Lil Cal while stagehand Karkat smokes in an alley behind the venue and hates life. Meanwhile, homeless punk John Egbert goes on a quest for a little rubber alien.... AND THEN THEY ALL ROCK.

For your fifteenth birthday, you get: One (1) bedazzled breathalyzer. Three (3) marine biology books, all of them for children 5+ and possibly bought at the Seaworld gift shop. One (1) copy of Computers For Dummies, courtesy of Strider (the douchenozzle). One (1) black cat who is, quite possibly, the cutest cat on the planet, you love him so much and you’ve only had him for 4 hours, goddamn. Five (5) shrinkwrapped DVDs that you would suspect Jake of scrounging up from the bottom of the bargain bin at Walmart if he lived anywhere near a Walmart. He apparently thinks shit like “Men in Black 2” and “Tomb Raider” are quality cinema when in fact they resemble nothing more than that gunk you scrape off the bottom of your shoe. But that’s okay. It’s, like, totally endearing. One (1) invitation to join BettyBother. Jane. Jane, no.

She's silhouetted in the bright morning light; a shining angel that sets off your headache almost immediately and proclaims Hark ye, maiden of the grain and grapes, today will be a Day Moste Shittey.

SOLLUX: tz, n0. SOLLUX: we are not even having this c0nversation. TEREZI: WHY NOT? >:[ SOLLUX: because it’s fucking ridicul0us, is why not. SOLLUX: i d0n’t like the guy. SOLLUX: he’s an asshole.

TT: One is not easily shaken from the broodfester tongues, John. TT: They are stubborn throes.

Roxy and Dirk have been alone most of their lives, so when they meet in person for the first time, it feels a little strange.

They don't have a lot, but at least they have this, whatever it is.

A histrionic history.

The homestuck kink meme had a request for Karkat and ballet. Karkat and ballet. Karkat. Ballet. Thing I love. Thing I love. I didn’t even last a day.

Tony takes Steve (along with Phil, Clint and Thor) to look for America.

Fresh out of high school, Gerard has spent the last four years trying to crush his inconvenient boy-liking issues. He isn't expecting a family wedding, and the hot punk kid he's forced into rooming with, to pop his bubble of denial, but Frank knows what he wants. What will it take for Gerard to admit that he does, too?

Some nights, Steve still has trouble breathing.

It's Fashion Week in New York and everyone who matters is here to judge and be judged. Clint's been steadfastly ignoring the gnawing anxiety in the pit of his stomach all day. He adjusts the silvery gray jacket Tony had thrust at him earlier and smooths out an imaginary crease in his linen pants. Tony is an amazing artist, not just when it comes to fashion, but in everything he does. Clint has no doubt he'll be fine. But try telling Tony that today and you'll get hit. Hard.

Frank finds Gerard's bizarrely erotic Star Wars fanfiction, and is both disturbed and aroused by it. Those feelings won't do for Frank. He seeks revenge.

Steve stares at Thor. Then down at the children. It isn't that he doesn't understand what Thor is saying; it's just that he's sure that isn't possible. "Are you saying that those kids are Coulson and Stark?" Natasha demands. Steve is so glad that someone other than him asked that question. Thor nods encouragingly. "I am. Is that not a relief?" "Um," Clint says. He sounds as though he's going to freak out any second. "No?"

Someone is stealing Stark Tech and using it to fight the Avengers, which offends Pepper on every level. So when Phil asks her to team up with Natasha to root out the traitor she's more than happy to—even if it means reopening some old and not-so-old wounds.

Bob is not the relationship type but something about Mikey makes him want to change all that. There are obstacles at every turn, from Gerard's overprotectiveness to massive communication issues (mostly due to Bob being a failboat). Bob has to work out what he really wants to say and how to say it to have a chance of making a relationship with Mikey work. (AU. MCR never happened. Bob is a drummer working as a sound engineer.)

There’s a really great fic on AO3 called A Gentleman and a Lady. It contains very well written Dave/Terezi crossdressing deliciousness and you should be reading it now.

Ex-military Eridan Ampora has an honorable discharge hanging on his wall, dreams of battlefields that haunt him around every turn and a pair of trolls who scurry around his house and snoop in his things when they think he isn't looking while they wait for their own scars to fade. Somehow, he thinks that that's enough. Inspired by Unwanted Free Ugly Troll.