In which John has a lingerie fetish. Written for the kink meme.

Since the universe knows just how terrible Karkat Vantas is, the unseen forces of fate decide to make him live with Dave Strider. Little did he know that Mr. Insufferable Prick would end up being the main reason he survived college.

In which feelings are hard, relationships are complicated, and Seers spend a lot of time laughing at Knights.

A lighthearted vignette wherein a young lady, away from home at a professional conference, utilizes the internet to discuss an important issue in interpersonal relationships with the young man she has been cohabiting with for several years. Files are sent, metaphors are abused, and a happy ending is guaranteed.

See, okay, you are the best of housemates. It is definitely you. You don’t even fuck with his goddamn color-coded shit in the fridge and you absolutely do not go anywhere the fuck near his color-coded toothbrush major arcana in the bathroom. For the most part you kind of stand over here and let his weirdness just kind of handle itself. You have, however, reached your limit for this particular style and model of bullshit and so you bang on his door and when he sort-of grunts in response you bang on it again and then you try the knob and hey, check that shit out, it’s not locked. ...Wow, he looks like ass.

"and you never guessed/the one you loved best/to draw always drew/pictures of you/undressed." A fairly plotless accumulation of pornographic pennings, courtesy of one Dave Strider.

Not all dreams are good memories for Tavros.

He walks like a cat who has tape on his paws, and has had tape on his paws for a very long time, and who never expects to ever again walk without scrunching miserably from side to side in a tangle of self-loathing and confusion. It hurts to look at him, but it hurts more not to.

(It’s funny, he thinks, how he can set up a whole windy barrier around a house almost an hour away from civilization and they still try to get inside when they think the Empress is visiting. Of course, the worst are the tabloids convinced they’re having an illicit interspecies romance and desperate for any photo they can take. Last week’s Enquirer had a cover story featuring an image of John screaming as tiny sea troll babies burst from his stomach. The tagline had read HUMANS TO HOST ALIEN OFFSPRING and John hadn’t even bothered to turn to page 2. Funny how the truth would have worried humanity more; it was such a good idea he’d talked Feferi out of telling them everything right away.)

“A smattering of elemental strategy.”

Feed a cold, starve a fever, and in the case of an ennui-filled Terezi Pyrope just quadruple caloric intake.

Title: Gamzee: Show him all the hospitality Summary: Your best bro is coming over to see you in the motherfucking flesh. That's not something a lot of trolls are all up on doing with each other, on account of so many of you motherfuckers get your hate on so easy, but you are going to make Tavros so motherfucking welcome. Title: Gamzee and Tavros: Operate Plot Device Summary: "That was a motherfucking miracle machine you all up and found, chica." You're not sure you can believe your aurals, the way Gamzee's voice sounds, but when you turn your chair around the visual evidence backs up the aural: Gamzee must have tried the device, too. "Wow, uh," you say, blinking at him. Her. Title: Never Thirst Summary: "Man, I don't know, I kind of figure we're peas in a motherfucking pod, you and me, Tavbro. The kind of chill motherfuckers as would rather pity half a dozen brothers and sisters than get a serious motherfucking hate on for even one."

Title: Learning Each Other (Got a lot to learn) Summary: "Karkat," you say, because it feels amazing but you can't help yourself, "is that an octopus in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" "That is the stupidest pickup line in either of our universes," Karkat says, his face gray-red and his pupils huge, "and I dare you to find out." Title: Tomb Raiders Summary: Faint heart never won fair lady, you think. Or fair gentleman either. "If you're going to kiss me," you say, "now would be an excellent time." Title: Dirk: Take Charge Summary: You're going to leave the toybox in the closet tonight, because you are fairly certain that you can ruin him six ways to Sunday without even a pair of fuzzy handcuffs to back you up, and you really don't want to give the poor guy an aneurysm or something. Humanstuck, aged-up characters, dom/sub, ssc, being STRONG is sexy, porn battle, Title: Strength of Character Summary: Polite, a natural leader, and unusually strong. John is certainly a human worth paying further attention to.

Title: And Only One Blanket Summary: The building they come to falls somewhere on the shed-shack-cabin-cottage continuum; the threat of frostbite makes Rose disinclined to be picky. Title: Going Both Ways Summary: Karkat can match him at either end of his scale, balancing both highs and lows with this kind of frothing, incoherent fury that's...kind of attractive, in the right light. All that energy. All that drive. Title: King of Spades Summary: ==> Dirk: fuck the Man.

Danny is not anybody’s gay yoda. He’d like to make that much clear. Go Big or Go home; The Fight, And Fate; I'm an Animal Too; I Wish I Was the Moon

I'd love to see something red and fluffy between Dave and Karkat, maybe involving the idea that Dave can't sleep in the veil because he's convinced he'll be attacked? Seeing super competent leader Karkat would be awesome too.

On the meteor, Rose, Dave, Kanaya, Terezi, and Karkat find themselves passing through a series of hooked-together dreambubbles inhabited by some utterly inexplicable grubs. Grubs that squeak and fuss and cling and chew holes in their clothes. Grubs who resemble to a distressing extent trolls whom the meteor-dwellers killed or were killed by, but essentially grubs who need someone to see to them, even in dreambubbles out of time.

In which Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, and John Egbert decide to rent a house near campus pre-furnished to save themselves the unutterable joy of Ikea allen-wrenches, Dave discovers why you should never attempt to move a universe without assistance, and Karkat is the best housemate: it is hands-down no-questions-asked him.

The first time you pass by the troll in the box you kind of try not to see it. It's gross as fuck when people do this. You guess maybe it's better than driving them out into the country and dumping them to make it on their own, or those stories you've heard about people dumping unwanted wrigglers in sacks into rivers--those you try not to think about because fuck, that is not okay on any level but it's not like you can do shit about it.

In another universe, the Imperial Fleet came to Earth without warning, in the early years of the Cold War. Just as suddenly, nuclear warfare served as the ultimate warning to stay away, and the Earth was safe. The crashed ships full of abandoned officers and slaves, not so much. Fast forward to present day, and the Earthbound troll population has been forced to survive in a human-dominated society that doesn't take kindly to their decades-long presence. Between having to resort to archaic and undignified methods of reproduction, legally-mandated drugs to suppress their more trollish attributes, and clashes between Alternian and Earth-hatched generations, survival looks to be a difficult task, indeed.

When he realised he had two genders, he wanted to scream in frustration.

He doesn’t tell Dave why he hides his food under the futon, behind mixing equipment, inside the bricks of his desk. Why his swords are two steps from where he sleeps, and why he’s trained himself to cat nap in three hour intervals of insomniac nervousness.

“Holy shit,” you whisper. Dave joins you at the window. There are no stars left in the sky. Nothing but blackness and a faint soap bubble sheen. “Is that a dream bubble?” Dave says. And then it swallows you.

Arson Clinic engages in a nerdy rap battle with Lil Cal while stagehand Karkat smokes in an alley behind the venue and hates life. Meanwhile, homeless punk John Egbert goes on a quest for a little rubber alien.... AND THEN THEY ALL ROCK.

For your fifteenth birthday, you get: One (1) bedazzled breathalyzer. Three (3) marine biology books, all of them for children 5+ and possibly bought at the Seaworld gift shop. One (1) copy of Computers For Dummies, courtesy of Strider (the douchenozzle). One (1) black cat who is, quite possibly, the cutest cat on the planet, you love him so much and you’ve only had him for 4 hours, goddamn. Five (5) shrinkwrapped DVDs that you would suspect Jake of scrounging up from the bottom of the bargain bin at Walmart if he lived anywhere near a Walmart. He apparently thinks shit like “Men in Black 2” and “Tomb Raider” are quality cinema when in fact they resemble nothing more than that gunk you scrape off the bottom of your shoe. But that’s okay. It’s, like, totally endearing. One (1) invitation to join BettyBother. Jane. Jane, no.

She's silhouetted in the bright morning light; a shining angel that sets off your headache almost immediately and proclaims Hark ye, maiden of the grain and grapes, today will be a Day Moste Shittey.

SOLLUX: tz, n0. SOLLUX: we are not even having this c0nversation. TEREZI: WHY NOT? >:[ SOLLUX: because it’s fucking ridicul0us, is why not. SOLLUX: i d0n’t like the guy. SOLLUX: he’s an asshole.

TT: One is not easily shaken from the broodfester tongues, John. TT: They are stubborn throes.

Roxy and Dirk have been alone most of their lives, so when they meet in person for the first time, it feels a little strange.

They don't have a lot, but at least they have this, whatever it is.

A histrionic history.

“It’s like, his little hornzorz!” Latula says. She rips open a new pack of Flamin Hott Fire Crispoz with extreme prejudice, manic with food dye and pity.

There’s a really great fic on AO3 called A Gentleman and a Lady. It contains very well written Dave/Terezi crossdressing deliciousness and you should be reading it now.

Ex-military Eridan Ampora has an honorable discharge hanging on his wall, dreams of battlefields that haunt him around every turn and a pair of trolls who scurry around his house and snoop in his things when they think he isn't looking while they wait for their own scars to fade. Somehow, he thinks that that's enough. Inspired by Unwanted Free Ugly Troll.

[sequel to 'Marvelous Things', from dave's POV.] "Camping?" you echo skeptically. Spending a week without internet access isn't something you're eager to volunteer for. And you're not exactly the outdoor type. Sunshine is not your friend. Why he would think you'd want to spend your spring break in the middle of nowhere, out in the open, sleeping in a tent... ... in a tent with John Egbert, in the middle of nowhere, just the two of you... sharing a sleeping bag for warmth... no one to hear his doofy giggling... or any other noises he might happen to make... A slow smile spreads over your face. "Whatever you want, baby."

"Everything about Dave is wonderful, especially when it's not." Three years after the game ended, the kids and their guardians live together as a big, goofy family, and John is so happy he could explode. The thing that makes him happiest is Dave. They are the best snugglebros and everything is perfect. Except that people are giving John looks like he's missing something important here, and he's not sure he wants to figure it out...

CG: I'VE SPENT ALL AFTERMIDNIGHT PACING UP AND DOWN MY NEW BLOCK IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN'T YET PACED MY WAY TROUGH THE WHOLE SHIP IS THAT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE FUCKING ERIDAN. CG: WHADDYA THINK OF A CAPE? DOUCHEY, RIGHT? CT: D--> I would most strenuously advise against it. It would only obstruct the sharp lines guiding the eye to the waist of your exquisitely tailored jacket. CG: YEAH, I LIKE HOW THE JACKET CUTS SHORT RIGHT OVER THE TIGHTEST WHITE PANTS KNOWN TO TROLLKIND TOO. BE A SHAME TO HIDE THAT. CT: D--> That wasn't CT: D--> I mean CT: D--> I was merely admiring the craftsmanship. CG: YEAH, THAT KIND OF SKILL IS WORTH BEING ADMIRED. I SWEAR TO FUCK THERE'S AN ASS-LIFTING TRICK SEWN RIGHT IN. BUTT-WONDERBRA. MY TUSH IS ALREADY PRETTY GOOD USUALLY BUT DEAR LORD, *I'D* DO ME.

Adventure Time with Aradia and Jade!

prompt runs: Bad End AU where all the trolls and kids are together on the asteroid behind the Veil. So the facility they have there has tons of weird machines and stuff. John and Karkat for some reason are exploring some parts no one's been in yet and through. Cue some tripping/curious button pressing whatever, so long as john someone gets zapped by some sort of crazy dna altering device and whoa! Suddenly troll!John. And Karkat has to help him deal with the new changes (Horn sensitivity and troll anatomy being fairly different from human anatomy) , even though it he bitches about it the ENTIRE time. There are sexy results at some point. Bonus - He ends up with a fairly high ranking blood type which reaaally pisses Karkat off.

Things you are capable of doing that nobody knows about: * An acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle, and not out of rage. * flipping yourself, not just your shit. * pas de poisson. aka The Fic Where Karkat Does Combat Via Ballet (with the work-inspiring art by elanorpam).

Karkat Vantas is a 6 sweeps old troll with a secret so big it could shake the very foundations of the Alternian Empire. But now the purrbeast is out of the bag, and the heretics who follow the teachings of his Ancestor rush to send their Messiah to the safety of a planet so distant, it knows nothing of Alternia. Meanwhile, Karkat hates his life and these stupid old squatters and his ancestor and pretty much everything there ever was in the world of forever. Platonically.

AO3 port of Brainbent, a reader-driven Homestuck AU on Tumblr. Warning for mental illness themes. Major updating in progress as I move the story posts here from Tumblr for an easier archive bingeing experience.

Wherein the four beta!kids are and always were trolls on Alternia, Sgrub/Sburb does not exist, and Troll Jade Harley is on a quest to keep her friend Aradia from dying. Things will almost certainly get more complicated, but that's a good place to start.

John beats a thunderstorm home, Rose has melted all over the bathroom, and they make do despite the absence of their other two pieces.

In which Natasha gives the thumbs-up to Tony Stark and the Iron Man suit, the Avengers Initiative starts a little differently, and Tony finds himself spending a lot of time with assassins and/or spies.

In which Cap makes new friends, becomes an accidental Internet troll, swaps a lot of stories, and gives Bucky Barnes a hug.

Being an adult is hard, it is hard and no one understands. Particularly when your only child starts polyamorously dating aliens.

Steve had body-modesty trained out of him in boot camp, and apparently his attitude is infectious.

In which xeno/inflation/mpreg/egg-laying is taken entirely too seriously, compulsive world building is showcased, and I pretend really hard that Gamzee might ever be a sympathetic character again. Originally found at: http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/8447.html?thread=39867903

Dave doesn't always understand the nature of troll romance, but most of the time he doesn't need to.